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(8 Posts)
NewgranGill Wed 04-Jul-18 11:20:44

Hello all, I've been on this thread before regarding my DGS being taken into care and have been advised to checkout Family Right Site. Well, yesterday DH went to contact with DGS and our daughter (his mum). At the end of the session they were told by DGS social worker that DGS was going to the adoption board. I don't know what that means but there is a family court at the beginning of August regarding what is/was to happen to the little chap. He had been placed with his father for a short time with the view of staying there but father is a drinker and so child was taken away again. Daughter has not been given the opportunity to have him back.

Why I want to understand is does anyone think that adoption is now a done and dusted decision which just needs there court to rubber-stamp it?

Daughter has always said that if she didn't get him back she would kill herself and maybe she will.

This isn't making much sense - sorry, but I would appreciate anyone being to give me an opinion on the decision by social services and the court.

stella1949 Wed 04-Jul-18 12:49:43

If the case has gone to the adoption board, yes you do have to move if you want some say in what happens to him. I'd go to the CAB and have a talk to them. A lot depends on whether you have thought about adopting him yourself - whatever you want to do, you have until August to make a decision. What a big situation to find your family in - good luck to you.

muffinthemoo Wed 04-Jul-18 12:53:57

Your daughter needs a lawyer urgently if the social work department is moving to free the child for adoption.

It’s not really appropriate or helpful for us to give any quasi legal advice - this issue is too important to give you a bum steer - but if your daughter is not intending to consent to the adoption, she needs to find a lawyer as soon as possible.

She should have copies of all the papers SW have given her. She should take those to the initial consultation.

NewgranGill Wed 04-Jul-18 14:40:55

Thanks. She does have a solicitor but DGS has been in care 12 months by the end of this month (I understand the process is only supposed to take 6 months but we have had different social workers and social services themselves have delayed things.

TBH it would be the best thing for DGS to be adopted both DH, myself and other members of our family have said so. We can't adopt him we couldn't even have him instead of a foster carer - I'm 70 next month and my health is declining plus our DS is wheelchair bound, also because of all the problems daughter has caused over the years she is not welcome at our home because it causes such distress to DS that he has severe headaches and has to go to be for days -even if we are only talking about this situation. I know this sounds wimpy but what she has done to our family over the past 25 years would be hard for anyone to believe unless they know us.

The reason I say he would be better off without his mother is that I think that by the time DGS was 6 or 7 he would be propping his mother up not her looking after him. We had resigned ourselves to his going to his father as at least he would be warm and fed which may not be the case with his mum.

The hardest thing for me at the moment is that when DH came home yesterday he said DGS was saying 'mummy' to get her attention and calling DH granddad. He will be 3yrs old 3 days after the court hearing and it will be my 70th the day after the court.

I'm sorry this is so long but ever since she became pregnant I have been involved with social services and all the meetings to give support my daughter and in that time I have lost touch with all my friends as she and DS have taken up almost all my time so I don't have anyone to talk to about it.

GrandmaMoira Wed 04-Jul-18 15:21:17

I don't have any advice to give, but my sympathies to you in such a difficult situation.

muffinthemoo Wed 04-Jul-18 15:46:08

Oh my. Sending you internet hugs. You sound absolutely worn out by the whole ordeal. sad

I can’t think of an organisation off the top of my head that specifically supports extended family, GPs etc in these circumstances although I am sure one of the very knowledgeable grans here will have a suggestion.

She has legal representation so there is not much you and DH can do at this point. The court proceedings shouldn’t directly involve you too much although various people will want to speak to you for reports etc.

Twelve months is such a long time in his little life. Reading between the lines of your post, I gather she is not really in any place to make his reunification with her possible. It would be good if she was in touch with one of the groups - I know there are several - that support parents in this situation. At least it might give her someone else to talk to and give you a little bit of a break from supporting her.


Bridgeit Wed 04-Jul-18 18:57:21

Some adoptions are now what is known as open adoption whereby the child has opportunity ( age appropriate) to make contact via occasional visits , letter writing. & all information supplied at I think age 16. It always depends on current circumstances & the eventual wishes of the adoptee.
I do so hope that your daughter can look ahead to when she will be able to see her child & hopefully have got into a better position where she will not be able to be denied the chance. Try to get her to look ahead & realise that all is not lost ,she will have a chance to prepare for their eventual reunion when hopefully everyone is in a better place , best wishes , please tell her it can all work out never give up

Bridgeit Wed 04-Jul-18 19:00:33

Ps. Tell her that for now this is the biggest act of love a mother can give her child. Best wishes .