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Thoughts please on my great niece

(18 Posts)
Katek Thu 30-Aug-18 10:11:39

I’ve already asked this on Mumsnet but I’m looking for some thoughts on my little great niece. She is 3 and 3months, didn’t walk until she was well over 2, has only recently come out of day nappies and doesn’t speak very much. Her gran (dh’s sister) says she’s just shy but taken with her other late milestones I’m concerned there may be more to it. My grandson is of a similar age and it’s like night and day in terms of development. I obviously know that there can be major differences in how each child matures (had three of my own!) but as the two little ones grow the differences between them are becoming more and more marked. Is this pattern ringing any bells or am I being over anxious? A couple of other family members have also voiced some concern.

Nonnie Thu 30-Aug-18 10:21:43

I think you may well be right but shouldn't say anything. I assume children are all still tested by the Health Visitor until they are 5 so the parents may well already be aware. It may be that they are in a wait and see situation so haven't discussed it openly.

The nappy thing may well be the parents as I believe that current thinking means they are sometimes almost ready for school before they come out of nappies. It may be that the child goes to nursery and they don't see potty training as their responsibility and the parents are too busy.

Izabella Thu 30-Aug-18 10:40:48

Try and found out at what age the health visitors in that area do developmental assessments. She is around the age of a combined HV/GP assessment but it does vary regionally.

Regarding speech; does she have an older sibling, are there any hearing concerns, is she a dummy user, does she go to nursery, is she read to? Do adults stop what they are doing and get down to make eye contact if the child does speak? All can impact + or - on speech developmen. Nursery staff are usually excellent at picking up developmental delay or other concerns. Most HV's liaise closely with nursery staff.

As for saying something, you may well get your head bitten off, or your approach may be met with relief. Depends on the family dynamics and only you can really read that one.

Let us know how things pan out. Meanwhile lots of stories and imaginary play with no pressure on the child.

starbird Thu 30-Aug-18 10:46:30

Lots of three year olds need nappies at night. Your niece may just be shy, or maybe the people around her don’t interact with her much (? always on their phones?). I wonder if she likes looking at books and being told stories? Does she get enough sleep? Could she be a little bit deaf? It will be hard for you to say anything as she is not your responsibility.
I have been told all my life by family members that I have always had my head in a cloud (daydreaming), but I am more or less normal - just a bit anti social in a crowd (of more than six people!)

Cherrytree59 Thu 30-Aug-18 11:00:16

Quite normal for 3 year olds to wear night nappies.
Each child development is different.
What did you glean from MN was it not helpful?

I agree re the health visitors checks also nursery will point out any concerns to the parents regarding speech.

The childs parents and grandparents will have stock answers to give family and friends until there is a clearer picture.

JudyJudy12 Thu 30-Aug-18 11:48:47

I am sure the parents are aware of her development and will seek intervention if they feel it is needed.

stella1949 Thu 30-Aug-18 11:58:57

My daughter didn't speak at all until she was over 3, and was in night nappies until she was 5. At 42 she is now a robotics teacher and has had a very normal life. There is no need for you to concern yourself with this little girl's development - things will happen as they do , and I'm sure her parents will get any help that she needs.

sodapop Thu 30-Aug-18 12:06:39

I agree with stella no need for your input on this, her parents will be able to access any professional help required. Children's development is such a personal thing and there so many variables which can affect it.

Katek Thu 30-Aug-18 13:13:31

Gosh .... no! Was never my intent to have any input whatsoever family dynamic is such that it would never have crossed my mind! Instant WW3!! Not sure how anyone thought that was my intention?? Was just more interested in other grans’ thoughts on this. I’m not concerned about her being in night nappies at all-more the fact that she was 3 before parting with a day nappy. She does have a five year old sibling, has never been at nursery (until now) and has been cared for part time by one or other of her grans. I do start to have concerns though when her 91 year old great grandad voices his concern

grandtanteJE65 Thu 30-Aug-18 14:02:13

Now-a-days most children are in day nappies until they are over three, so please, don't let that worry you.

Some younger siblings start talking late, because the older brother or sister understands their baby talk, so "real" language isn't necessary, as sister or brother fetches what is wanted.

My nieces were like that, the younger one neither spoke nor crawled much because her sister understood and fetched things for her. When we stopped the big one being so kind, little sister rose up off her bottom and started to walk, much to our surprise. Now forty years later she has long since demonstrated that there was nothing wrong at all, except perhaps laziness,

luluaugust Thu 30-Aug-18 15:55:49

I see she has an older sibling and as has been said this often leads to a slight delay with someone else doing all the talking and passing toys over. She is out of day nappies, not at all unusual to have a nappy at night still, she talks but not a lot, I wouldn't start worrying yet. I agree her parents may well have their eye on it. I presume she has had all the usual tests, hearing etc, does she play with your grandson and join in generally?

Jalima1108 Thu 30-Aug-18 16:29:19

Does she listen when you speak to her Katek; does she react to a noise behind her?
Has her hearing been checked - could she have something such as blocked Eustachian tubes after a cold/ear infection?

Does she show interest when others chat to her and in fact, do they spend much time with her, getting down on the floor, playing games, sitting at the table and doing craft, puzzles etc with her and trying to get a reaction from her when they ask questions?

Or does her older sibling answer for her all the time and fetch and carry whatever she wants, which is what happened with one of my DN. His siblings were always willing to bring toys to him and do all the chatting for him as well.

I am presuming, too, that she has had all the tests.

PECS Thu 30-Aug-18 16:36:09

This is a rough guideline for development of children birth to 5+ that nurseries/schools/child minders etc will use to make sure the children in their care are progressing OK.

Good practitioners will have a 2nd sense about a child who they think may have SEND issues. If she is at a nursery they may pick up concerns and speak to parents.. who may of course not believe it to be the case.

trisher Thu 30-Aug-18 16:42:28

Nurseries now keep really accurate records of children's development and involve the parents in this, so if there are any problems it will be being handled.
If you are interested in the assessment criteria and methods

eazybee Thu 30-Aug-18 17:21:57

I am wondering why you are so intent on gathering information about your great-niece's development if you do not intend to take any action about it, (and you would be very foolish if you did so.)
Wait until/unless her parents express concern, and be very careful what you say even then.

Diana54 Thu 30-Aug-18 17:23:07

Don't worry one of my granddaughters was like that, older brother did all the talking and she didn't bother, once she started you couldn't stop her and caught up fast.

harrigran Fri 31-Aug-18 09:55:33

I don't think it is helpful to ask the question on GN, you will get many different answers depending on who you ask.
My GC were out of nappies at two but one of my DC was out of nappies at 15 months, the days of terry nappies and chafing plastic pants.
If the parents are concerned they will seek guidance.

Franbern Sat 01-Sep-18 16:24:00

My girl twins (3,1975), were very late for that time in coming out of nappies - 3 years old for daytime, older for nighttime. They had three older siblings, and could make their wants known very easily, so used no words whatsoever. At their 2-year old assessment, the 'well doctor' was horrifed when I said 'None', to his question on spoken vocabulary. But I knew very well there was nothing wrong. Said their first few words just after they were 2 yrs 3 months - by 2 yrs 6 months had big vocab and were using full sentence construction. Both went on to excellent degrees and Master degrees.
One of my sons was in nightime nappy pants until just before he started secondary school, So what, he slept very deeply, also went on to gain excellent degree and a job which took him all over the world
As has been said all children develop at different ages, I think it was Einstein who, evidently, did not speak until he was 4 years old.