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(25 Posts)
Katrina24 Wed 05-Sep-18 16:02:50

I am so upset, my 7 year old granddaughter has decided that she really doesn't like me and keeps telling me so - I know of no reason and she has been fine in the past but everything I say seems to upset her, she doesn't like me asking her how hers day has been when I pick her up from school the day I look after her although she is fine with my husband, this has only been for the last couple of weeks but I am so upset and tearful about it, I am at the stage of saying maybe we shouldn't pick her up as she obviously doesn't want to spend time with me but that would break my heart.

Has anybody had this in the past or have any advice?

sodapop Wed 05-Sep-18 16:23:42

Your granddaughter is getting a reaction and will play on that. Tell her that this behaviour is not what you expect and then ignore it. Don't engage with this and don't take it to heart, things will change soon.
Good luck.

MargaretX Wed 05-Sep-18 17:42:28

If she doesn't want to be asked how school has been then don't ask her! Ask her what she wants for her tea
or dinner.
I always ask them what was the nicest thing that happened whether they've been out for the day or to a party or skating or swimming.

I met GD once after she came home from a school visit to France. The nicest things were croissants she said and then went on to tell me quite a bit. You can get lucky but don't count on it.

oldbatty Wed 05-Sep-18 18:08:33

mmmmm.....child unwell? stressed/tired?

BlueBelle Wed 05-Sep-18 18:16:08

I wouldn’t ask her anything Take her a favourite bar or fruit when you meet her out and just don’t try too much in the way of conversation
As it’s only on the day you meet her out it could be as simple as the last lesson is her most unfavourite of the week and then you asking her happily how the days been makes her want to puke
I d be low key and don’t take it personally it’s unlikely to be personal You’re the adult and on that day she needs to rely on you and that’s no good if you are falling to pieces

JudyJudy12 Wed 05-Sep-18 18:18:06

I have a friend whose daughter finds it difficult to discipline her child and had said to her son " grandma thinks it is very naughty the way you speak to me and that you do not keep your room tidy"

Grandma had said no such thing but the next time her grandson visited he was sulky and said he did not want to be told off by grandma. So unfair, could this be happening to you.

Auntieflo Wed 05-Sep-18 18:25:11

I can well remember when I was at school, that I hated being asked what I had done, or anything really. All I think I wanted was to be allowed just to unwind, and I would tell in my own good time. I loved getting home and smelling all the lovely smells, baking, ironing etc, but no questions, it smacked too much of a grilling. I don't know why, because mum was a lovely mum.
Perhaps you should just stand back a little, and your GD will
come round in her own time. Easy for someone else to say though. Good luck .

NfkDumpling Wed 05-Sep-18 18:53:57

It may be that she’s just fed up with being asked how her day has been - or it could be that her days aren’t too good at the moment. Perhaps you should stop asking her and after a couple of weeks get grandad (who’s in her good books) to probe a little to find out if anything is upsetting her.

notanan2 Wed 05-Sep-18 21:11:46

Quizzing a kid about their day as soon as they finish school and haven't wound down yet will either get silence, monosyllables or snappiness.

Rookie fail!

phoenix Wed 05-Sep-18 22:34:39

^ but I am so upset and tearful about it, ^

Sorry, it's minor thing, and it will pass, really nothing to get like that ^^ about!

Try the silent treatment, pick her up, say "hello" then nothing. You might have a couple of silent journeys, but bet that within no time at all, you will be bombarded with all sorts!

MissAdventure Wed 05-Sep-18 22:38:17

I wouldn't put myself out to talk to someone who didn't like me..
I'd be polite and no more.

Nana3 Wed 05-Sep-18 22:47:53

My granddaughter said I am a nag, which I am not, she heard it somewhere, hopefully not about me. I'm letting it go, hope you can do the same katrina flowers.

BlueBelle Thu 06-Sep-18 05:36:52

I think you re overthinking this and trying too hard

Gagagran Thu 06-Sep-18 06:14:42

When my DGS was the same age as OP's DGD, his stock reply the question "What have you done at school today?" was "Nothing". He just didn't want to be pestered with questions. Could be the same thing?

Newmom101 Thu 06-Sep-18 06:20:40

It's quite possible that she just wants her parents to pick her up from school and, as you are instead, you're getting the fall out from that. She's 7, she's not being purposely rude to hurt you. Give her time and she will come round.

Eglantine21 Thu 06-Sep-18 09:17:30

Maybe you’re investing too much in this time with your GD in terms of your own happiness. Children of this age start becoming aware of the “hidden messages” in people’s behaviour. They have a sixth sense for someone who is trying too hard and invariably shy away.

What is it that you are expecting of her, why is it upsetting you so much when she doesn’t meet your expectations?

She might be reacting against that unspoken pressure to meet your needs and is beginning to resent it a bit.

Just pick her up with a smile and say nothing until she speaks. Or if you feel awkward at the silence tell her about your day, not quiz her about hers.

I don’t mean to sound harsh but I do think you need to look to yourself if she is fine with your OH.

oldbatty Thu 06-Sep-18 10:12:28

"upset and tearful" "break my heart"........seriously and kindly...are you ok?

M0nica Fri 07-Sep-18 08:25:21

Yes, that was my feeling. DGS went to through a phase when he would swerve round my open arms and go straight to his grandpa.

This month, on my birthday, on the birthday card all the family signed, he wrote his name and then smothered the card with kisses and when I sent him an email with some animal photos, he emailed back that he couldn't wait for half term and coming to stay for the week (we live 200 miles away). It's a phase, she will recover.

Try thinking about her and what is happening in her life rather than its effect on you.

Maggiemaybe Fri 07-Sep-18 08:49:14

Oh, all my DGS can knock me over with a flying hug and a shriek of delight when I turn up one day, then give me the cold shoulder or the evils a couple of days later. Who knows what goes on in those little minds? smile

Nicenanny3 Fri 07-Sep-18 09:05:19

Perhaps she has heard one of her parents say something about you. Or perhaps she is being bullied at school. My granddaughter sometimes ignores me when I visit then other times I'm her best playmate.

DoraMarr Fri 07-Sep-18 09:41:40

Children hate being asked what they did at school. Give her time and she might volunteer something. If you really want to know ask something specific like “Did something funny happen at school today?” or “tell me something you found out.” Keep it positive. I overheard a parent asking a small child “who’s hit you at school today?”

Apricity Fri 07-Sep-18 10:39:40

Katrina I thinks it's time to lighten up a little. Perhaps your granddaughter found your questions a bit intrusive when you thought you were showing interest. Who knows? It could all be a big nothing, just a mood. For now keep conversations to the essentials and maybe a little down the track ask her if you're "speaking" again with a smile on your face. A weeping and sobbing grandma is hardly going to appeal to any 7 year old.

goldengirl Fri 07-Sep-18 11:12:34

I've learned not to ask questions - though I do forget occasionally as I'm genuinely interested in their day but with my eldest GD who is a teen I don't and lo! she eventually tells me anyway. I wouldn't worry, Katrina. Go with the flow. Offer her a homemade cake or let her get on with some drawing so she can chill out in her own way.

Katrina24 Mon 10-Sep-18 23:24:05

Thank you all for your advice. I have taken on board the points that you make. I guess I was being a bit sensitive but I was upset that she just didn't want anything to do with me.

Things have been a lot better the last few days so hopefully just a bad few days.

Thanks again.

phoenix Mon 10-Sep-18 23:37:34

Katrina you could always try turning it round, as in "You'll never guess what happened to me today! I was in the bakers and there was an armadillo buying a croissant! I didn't know that armadillos even liked croissants!"

If she's very savvy, she will tell you that couldn't possibly be true, OR she might ask "what's an armadillo"

OK, I'll get me coat, as they used to say in the Fast Show..........