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What would you do?

(24 Posts)
Bopeep14 Sat 08-Sep-18 11:00:20

My grandchild’s birthday is coming up this month, our son and his family are estranged from us only recently though, so new to all this, my question is should I post our grandchild’s present or take it to there home. My partner says I should post it but I am not sure, just to clarify I will be a nervous wreck if I take it I hate confrontation. I just think if I take it round maybe my son will then know the door is still ajar so to speak.

Cold Sat 08-Sep-18 11:12:42

Post it with a lovely note apologising for your part in any arguments and saying that you hope you can get over these problems.

I think turning up uninvited may me regarded as you ignoring their boundaries and result in a confrontation

Melanieeastanglia Sat 08-Sep-18 11:27:49

My advice would be to post it. Whether or not they are estranged, I would hope that this would encourage them into communicating with you if only to say "thank you".

Also, if the quarrel is going to escalate, do you really want it to happen on their doorstep?

I feel your husband and Cold are right.

Good luck!

OldMeg Sat 08-Sep-18 12:26:32

Post it. No question.

Izabella Sun 09-Sep-18 10:16:20

Agree. Post it. That way you avoid face to face confrontation and it gives the receiver time to respond in a (hopefully) positive manner.

Anniebach Sun 09-Sep-18 10:21:17

Post it with a letter telling them your door is open x

henetha Sun 09-Sep-18 10:26:02

Same here. Post it with a nice letter.

Grammaretto Sun 09-Sep-18 10:30:49

Sending hugs. I hope it resolves itself soon. I blame hormones!!
Yes I agree keep away until invited.
We are never invited to one DGC 's birthdays they have their friends and we see them at other times. Tbh I am relieved. I've had my share of kids' birthday parties.
I send a card and a txt message and an offer of a future outing or a gift token for the older ones.
My granny never cane to my parties.

Parsley3 Sun 09-Sep-18 10:34:23

Post it. Your grandchild will be thrilled to receive a parcel through the post addressed to him.

Bopeep14 Wed 12-Sep-18 22:01:24

Thank you all, I had made my mind up to post it, but tonight one of my other children has decided to take there present over at the weekend, and has said they will take mine as well, should I do this or still post it?

notanan2 Wed 12-Sep-18 22:05:00

I think you should ask the parents, saying that you don't wish to disrespect their wishes for space in terms of your personal relationship with each other, but you would like to know how to proceed re the children's birthday gift in a way that causes the least distress/disruption for all involved and would it be best if you posted them or dropped them round in person?

notanan2 Wed 12-Sep-18 22:05:35

Or option C, send it with others

Bopeep14 Wed 12-Sep-18 22:16:11

notanan2 asking them unfortunately isn’t an option, my son has not answered his phone to me once since this all started nor answered any texts I have sent him asking what we have done wrong that started all this still don’t know, been blocked on Facebook by his wife and all her family my son whilst we are still friends on Facebook has me limited so I can’t see anything. I really don’t know what to do post it or give it to his sibling to take round.

notanan2 Wed 12-Sep-18 22:20:09

I think being very clear that you are going to respect their wish for space re your personal relationship with them and until they tell you otherwise you will not contact them about anything other than the GCs, may actually open up a line of communication re the GCs by taking the pressure/emphasis off your rift?

Grammaretto Thu 13-Sep-18 07:58:25

I hope it has been resolved now. I just wanted to add re facebook. I have never been "Friends" with my AC on it for fear of embarrassing them or they me.
We respect each others' privacy.
I notice an awful lot of other GPs who do not respect privacy and post photos of GC .

Bopeep14 Thu 13-Sep-18 10:17:56

Grammaretto, no resolution as yet. I have been friends on Facebook with all my adult children for 10 years and it has never been a problem, I never post photos on there even my own let alone pic of my grandchildren, one of my children doesn’t allow pics of their children on Facebook at all, I think it’s a parents choice if that’s what they want to do.

yggdrasil Thu 13-Sep-18 13:44:14

Give it to the sibling. That way you can get a report back as to how it was received, which you won't if it just goes by post

David1968 Thu 13-Sep-18 14:01:07

I agree with Cold, Parsley3, and other GNs here - post it. My GC are always delighted to receive a parcel though the post - even in our digital age. Something addressed especially "to them" is always exciting. (And shouldn't their birthday be "about them"?) Though I note, Bopeep, that you don't give your GS's age. Is he too young to know it's a parcel from you? In which case I'd advise sending gift with your other AC.

lemongrove Thu 13-Sep-18 14:10:13

it's possible that the parcel will be accepted but then got rid of.That happened in my friends case, sadly and the card went the same way.The child being unaware of them ever arriving.I would write/email the parents asking if you can still send birthday and Christmas gifts to the children, and hoping you can be reunited at some stage.Sadly you are wasting your money otherwise.What a rotten situation all

Bopeep14 Thu 13-Sep-18 14:47:44

Lemon grove, that had crossed my mind that the gift may be just thrown away. I think I will try contacting my son to ask if it’s ok to still give a gift on the grandchildren’s birthdays and of Christmas, would be nice to know for the future, hopefully he will answer if not I will send it with his sibling at the weekend, and hope for the best. Grandchild is 2 next week David1968.

muffinthemoo Thu 13-Sep-18 14:51:46

Bopeep, are you the lady that had the birthday party cancellation incident with son?

I take it you never got to the bottom of that?

I think for your sake you are best finding a way to give the gift that doesn’t involve you going round there to speak face to face. I fear that has an excellent potential for a very upsetting confrontation, regardless of your good intentions. You do not want to poke the bear, so to speak, or to be perceived as poking the bear.

Bopeep14 Thu 13-Sep-18 15:04:44

muffinthemo, yes that was me, no didnt find out what we did wrong. I had made my mind up to post it but his sibling is going at the weekend hope they don’t make it worse.

Sheis1948 Wed 03-Oct-18 19:38:40

Post it. Move on and take this time to talk things out. smile

Bridgeit Wed 03-Oct-18 20:00:33

Why not give them a telephone call saying you would like to pop around with a present & would that be ok . Best wishes , hope it sorts out ok