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What was it like, when you were a mother to a small baby?

(88 Posts)
Newishmum Wed 26-Sept-18 11:02:56

Bit of a clumsy title, sorry!

My grandmother died when I was little. Apparently we are very similar in many ways, and I wish I had known her as an adult. She was born in a cottage with no electricity or running water, and she had her children in the 40s and 50s. I know that's going back a little too far for many of you grin but I've put my two month old baby down for a nap, and was musing over my coffee - just wondering how it was, how she would have coped. I use cloth nappies, and as we've a large garden with steps up to the washing line, it's been a tricky process wrangling the baby, the basket and the nappies! I imagine that hasn't changed much (except I have a washing machine) but I doubt she would have sat down with a latte afterwards!

I was pushing DD through the village for her morning walk earlier, and she was all cosy in her little knitted hat and blanket, and I just felt so proud of her. My granny was a wonderful knitter, and won prizes for her jumpers, so no doubt she would have knitted her own little baby clothes-I'm rubbish at it so DD's woolly blankets are begged, borrowed or bought, but she looked like my dad in some of his baby photos, and that made me think of my grandmother too. What did she put her babies in? A big pram, a moses basket? Little things like that

I suppose having my baby has just made me feel so connected to all the women in my family, and those who have gone before me- we've all been up at nights with a crying baby, we've all held them and counted their little eyelashes and loved them. I suppose I'd just like to hear some stories of what it was like, being a mother in different decades and through different generations.... Sorry for the odd request!

EllanVannin Thu 29-Nov-18 12:03:28

My first D was in 1960 and the second 1963. There were already two young step-children and the girl who was only 9 at the time was a proper little motherly figure who was good at making tea and toast and both children looked forward to a new brother or sister.
I was determined that the two little helpers weren't put on in any way even though it was hectic at times as I got them ready for school but everything fell into place.
New baby and I were in hospital for just over 10 days as baby was jaundiced and was a lovely " tan " colour so stayed under the light in the ward nursery.
Once home and with a stock of Milton for nappy-soaking and Persil for boiling I started to feed her myself as it was advised back then but there was a supply and demand problem as she was a hungry child so I had to use an expensive supplement ( cheaper from the clinic if I could get there ) Boiled,cooled water between feeds.
Baby spent most of the time outdoors in her pram ( Royale ) a huge model but so comfy and warm as well as roomy. I always put baby on her side in case she choked. I did it with both of them it was the safest bet and still is to my mind. At 4 months it was Farex and the odd taste of gravy with the added meat juices and veg water then our dinners mashed up by 6 months onwards. No eating problems with either.
Both short labour easy no-fuss births. Gas and air---yes.
I was 21 bringing up 3 children then 23 when the 4th was born. I managed okay and played a lot of games with the 2 older children which we enjoyed.
Stepdaughter married at 20 and had a prem baby-under 3lb and was kept in hospital for a good two months until it was 5lb. Few difficulties because SD was too afraid of handling such a small baby ( breech too ) so I took over until SD felt confident enough to take her. I was a busy bee all my life really and that little "scragg " of a child is now in her late 40's and has been nursing all her working life,still is, at our local hospital. A big strong girl who knows me as nan. We'd need a church hall to all get together with offsprings galore, a large family who've all grown up around me.
Stepson ? That's another story as sadly he hasn't spoken to me since his father died in 1994. His loss I'd say as I didn't treat either SC any differently to my own. He doesn't bother with his sister/s either,just cut himself off.

glammanana Thu 29-Nov-18 09:52:26

annodomini I remember those paddipads very well did you use the plastic popper pants that they sold for them to fit into,they leaked everywhere and a total waste of time and money I quickly went back to terry nappies,you could buy terry nappies single from TJ Hughes then to increase your stock of them,some where sold as seconds for about 2 shillings.
I loved every minute of being a new mum and was lucky to have 3 good tempered babies .
All where on home cooked food by the time they where 6 mths I listened to my mum for feeding advice not my health visitor.
All of mine used a big Silver Cross pram and they where not encouraged to try to sit up until they where 10/12 mths old my mum insisted that they should lay flat as long as possible so they could develop a strong back,not sure if this information helped in any way but they where always content laying flat out in their pram.

Drwatfam Thu 29-Nov-18 00:39:48

How lovely to read everyone's lovely memories .
I had 4 babies between 1982 and 1992.
They weren't evenly spaced. I had 3 under 5 then baby 4 when 3 started school. She wasn't a mistake. I had had real problems with preeclampsia with babies 1-3. DH was an Obstetrician and knew the risks ( as did I, a GP ) so he felt we'd had more than our fair share of luck . Thankfully , I was able to change his mind and our beautiful 3rd daughter arrived in 1992 , bringing with her the beautiful ginger hair I'd so wanted. DH is a ginger .
We lived 200 miles from family and DH worked some horrible rotas , stuck in hospital for days on end.
I'm shy so making friends was hard for me ( & still is ) but I so loved the company of my beautiful children and still do .
I still used Terry nappies , even in 1992 when they were becoming a bit of an oddity . I loved seeing them hanging on the line and always felt I was being environmentally friendly ( despite all the bleach and boiling ?)
I breast fed all 4 . It didn't go easily with Baby 1 but after that I was utterly determined and even used to express to mix porridge when solids were introduced!
I often wonder how I did everything. I was like a single parent, totally alone in a city with few friends. I had a lovely big house and a garden which was always spotless . I was a very lucky girl.
Everything was home cooked; I ironed everything; sewed and knitted and we had a dog too .
No wonder I was tired all the time !
I must've had oodles of energy back then . I look back and think I was either somze kind if superwoman or totally mad ( the latter, I think)
Thankfully, my part time GP work allowed me to be home at school leaving time daily and I devoted the rest of my time to the kids . They're all adults now , of course , and live far away . However , Mums give our children wings and let them fly, don't we ?
Thank goodness for modern technology which allows us to keep in touch !

FlexibleFriend Sat 10-Nov-18 17:41:31

My eldest was born in 1980, I was working full time so took 3 months maternity leave. I stayed in hospital for 6 hours and was then at home with my OH who had taken time off to help out but after two days he went back to work as the baby just slept all the time. I was quite bored being unable to go out so must admit after a few days I was going for a walk with him in his pram. He arrived two weeks late so I returned to work when he was just 10 weeks old. I had an automatic washing machine and a tumble dryer so although we had terry nappies it was no big deal when used with liners. He was a healthy 8lbs 4oz and grew very quickly, he was bottle fed and weaned at 4 months. We both drove and my then husband would drive us all to our destination, baby first to childminder, me to work and then to work himself and do the whole thing in reverse at the end of the day, sounds easy but we were travelling across London and in central London at peak times, a nightmare at times. I had my second child in 1988, and it was a doddle too, he was always a great baby and life was easy. This time around we used disposable nappies. We were quite well off had no money worries so I stopped working until he went to school. I loved being at home with him but once he was at school I was ready for work again. I had no parents as they'd died when I was a teenager, I tried to include my Mil as much as possible taking her with us when we went out for the day, it was never a great relationship but we got on OK. I certainly made more effort with her than my OH her son did. I haven't spoken to her since we split up after 27 years and all she could say was "I told you it would never last". I have no reason to stay in touch with her these days, he now has to that himself but neither of my sons have any contact with her either, which I think is a bit sad as she did a lot for them when they were small, knitting and spending money on them. She was her own worst enemy and said some unforgivable things to my sons, her tongue certainly got the better of her. They say they don't need that crap in their lives and refuse to make allowances for her.

lemongrove Sat 10-Nov-18 15:47:25

Since my grandparents had their children between 1916 and
1922 pity they are not around to tell us how they coped, different but yet so much would be the same too.
Bottle feeding wouldn’t have been so common, but hanging nappies on the line to dry and pushing baby out for a walk in the big pram, or putting the baby and pram in the garden for a daily airing ( in all weathers practically) were still happening in the 1980’s.
Are you writing an article Newishmum ?

Mabel2 Sat 10-Nov-18 15:36:29

Had both of mine in early eighties, in hospital 6 days with the first 48hrs with second. Disposable nappies were around but expensive so reserved for days out. So napisan bucket in bathroom, Milton sterilizer in the kitchen. Both were swaddled to sleep and laid on their sides. I had a silvercross for the eldest and a new style convertible pram for the youngest, I felt so up to date. Daughter, however, hated it and rarely settled in the pram part. Pushchair had to folded up to go on the bus. Very difficult to juggle baby, pushchair, shopping and other child. Most of their clothes were hand made, married to someone in the armed forces I was on my own a lot and relied on other wives, as they relied on me, for help. My mum was 400+miles away and we didn't have a phone. But they turned out OK.

Franbern Tue 16-Oct-18 11:28:31

MammyM - not in my personal experience, but back in the early 1960's two of our friends got married quickly as baby on the way. Lived in rooms in hubbies parents house, for the first couple of years until they could afford their own place. They had a baby just nine months older. Worked out well for the young couple, as not only did they have support but also babysitters. The uncle and niece have remained close friends.

Franbern Tue 16-Oct-18 11:22:54

Married in 1964, -in 1967 we were told by a 'specialist' that due to my husband's developing MS, he would never father a child. I was totally devastated (this was before IVF). Started at Teacher Training College in 1968 and was pregnant by the middle of second term there.
My 'miracle' son was born at end of 1969 (we watched the moon landings whilst in hospital.
Ten days was minimum stay in hospital for first time mums then, and I appreciated it very much, getting to know baby and how to look after him. Still panic on first returning home and realising there was no-one at the end of the bell. Our house was Victorian, no central heating and only toilet outside (under lean-to).
When we left hospital, staff carried baby and handed him to me (sitting in front seat of car).
I love coming home and seeing the pram (bought by my parents) under the stairs, and the new nappies all airing in the living room. We did have a car, and there was one car seat on the market, so my hubbie and his brother fitted (it needed one person underneath the car and one inside it) when our son was old enough to use it. Before that, he travelled in his carrycot.
We had hot water, but no washing machine, I did baby's washing by hand each morning, and rinsed out the napisan soaked nappies. Loved seeing them all on the washing line in the garden. Continued to do hubbie's and my washing at local launderette.
eleven months later our first daughter was born at home. Two babies in nappies and we purchased a washing machine, which was not plumbed in, but placed next to bath, hose joining taps and another one draped over bath for emptying. All fine, except when washing machine went for one of its frequent walks on emptying. Yes, we did sit and watch the first cycle.
I was in my element, two babies in that large coach built pram, two cots, etc. Never occurred to me to go either to work or back to my college course, where a place was being held for me. I was a Mother.
Made friends with people I had met first time round in hospital, and most days we went out, proudly pushing our prams, or visiting each other.
Indeed, when the power cuts took place, my bestie and myself used to take it in turns to be at whichever house had power, for teatime, so that we could bathe our babies together after that tea.
In 1972 our second daughter was born, and less than three years later an attempt for a second son produced Nos.3 & 4 girls. So, despite the words of that consultant, we had five babies in under 6 years.
We also fostered babies during this time, and our final child arrived via fostering at the age of eleven months and stayed with us. All six of these had less than seven years between them. I loved it all.
For all the babies, including many more foster babes I only ever used terry nappies, thought ourselves quite fortunate over our parents, as we had Napisan, nappy liners AND lovely plastic pants. Clothes were mainly in man made fibres, easy to wash and rarely needed ironing. And those that did need ironing - well, we had electric steam irons. I can remember my Mother with her little iron on the gas stove, she had to have a rag over the handle as that got as hot as the rest of that 'machine'. Tested to see if it was hot enough by spitting on her finger and applying that finger, quickly to iron.
And, we had 'fridges and tumble dryers. Life was easy for us in the 1960's and 1970's compared to our parents.
All my daughters took their degrees, moved up in the chosen professions and then went on to have their own families, and I still feel so sorry for them as all returned to their jobs pretty quickly. None of them were able to experience the enormous fun I had of being a stay-at-home mum. They say, they would have been bored if they had done so. But we were not, there was something on every day and I always put down on any questionnaire that asked my profession 'Mother- Full-time'.

amethyst67 Tue 16-Oct-18 09:54:50

This is an interesting question - babies don't change over the ages but styles of parenting do.

Mine were born in the 1970s and 1980s and there were changes in advice over that decade. We were told to lie babies on their tummies in the 1970s as it was considered to be safer than lying them on their backs. However, this has now been found to be wrong advice. I did try to follow this advice as a nervous new mum in the 1970s but DC1 hated lying on her tummy. By the time the others arrived I was much more relaxed and relied on instinct rather than following what the Health Visitor ordered.

I loved the Silver Cross pram which was quite modern for its day as the top detached from the wheels so it could be put in the car for trips out. However, I didn't have daily use of a car as my husband took it to work, so we walked everywhere. The baby could be strapped in and could be put out in the garden while I was hanging washing etc, although washing terry nappies and getting everything dry in the winter was difficult. By the time number 2 arrived we bought a tumble drier which made life so much easier, although I still had a twin tub washing machine which had to be dragged out every time I used it.
There was always the Napisan bucket in the corner of the loo as well.
No wonder babies were toilet trained from a very young age in times gone by - the sooner the better in my mother's and grandmothers' days I think.

I do remember that there was a grandmother who used to pick up her grandson and her son who were in the same class at the DC's primary school and they were more like little brothers than uncle and nephew and lovely company for each other. I'm sure the same will happen with your two little ones as well.

stella1949 Tue 16-Oct-18 04:01:03

I had my babies in 1976 and 1979. I'm in Australia so perhaps things are a little different , but in many way, all mothers have a link which connects us together through time and space. Welcome to the world of motherhood !

My daughter was born in the middle of winter, which even here it pretty cold. I used all cloth nappies of course, they'd all go into a bucket of Napisan , then once a day I'd empty the bucket into the washing machine. My parents bought us a dryer, which was a pretty new appliance then - what a relief that was !

I had a fold-up pram , and caught the bus everywhere since I didn't drive then. It took a bit of getting used to but I managed !

I had a year off work - there was no maternity leave in my field then so I had to leave my job and then get another one later. One of my SIL's worked for the Government, and she did get maternity leave which was a very unusual thing. I remember thinking it was very unfair at that time ! She'd told me that she only intended to go back to work afterwards , for a month and then resign , so I thought that was very cheeky. ( I still think it's cheeky when girls do it now !)

My husband wasn't allowed to be in the labour ward so I had to do it alone, which was scary to say the least. He only had one day off, the day I went home, and even then he got called in after lunch and went off to work. I went home to find a huge pile of washing which he'd thrown on the sofa - I remember it was all covered in shreds of Kleenex tissue which had gone through the entire wash. So my first job as a mother was to re-wash about a hundred garments to get the tissue out !

MammyM Tue 16-Oct-18 03:18:28

Hey- just wondering if any of you young grannies are also a mum to a young baby too?
Quick background- I became a mum at the rather young age of 16. Was wonderfully supported by my family. My daughter is now 21 and has just announced her pregnancy! She lives with her boyfriend. However... I also have a beautiful son who is just 1. So I suppose I'm just a bit worried about how the dynamic of this will pan out... anybody had a similar situation? And how have things been?
I should just clarify I'm not upset by my daughters pregnancy- just can't wrap my head around bring mum and granny to two babies at the same time!!

MissAdventure Sat 29-Sept-18 13:56:18

The overnight soak in Biotex turned the water slightly slimy too!

MagicWriter2016 Sat 29-Sept-18 13:38:07

Talking of the terry towelling nappies, I remember having a bucket, complete with lid in the kitchen where the nappies soaked before being boiled or going into the twin tub. My eldest daughter was in her baby walker, the ones they sat in and scooted around in, when she whizzed over to the bucket, lifted the lid, leaned over to see what was in there and tipped the whole lot all over the kitchen floor! Was a nightmare trying to mop it up whilst trying to keep her out the way, bless her!

Willow500 Sat 29-Sept-18 07:13:19

Yes I think there were disposable nappies back in the '70's but they were pretty rubbish at keeping anything in- nothing like todays. We couldn't afford them. I remember when we moved to a new housing estate in 1980 a young mum across the road used to get them delivered every month and I was in awe that they could afford what I'd thought was a luxury.

Nappy liners just came out when my first son was born in '71 - they were ok but quite often I had to still clean the poo off the nappy before soaking them.

So many memories reading all these stories. Going to one of the new supermarkets and filling the basket under the pram with tins of Heinz baby food, going to the clinic to get packets of Cow & Gate milk. I never breast fed mine - getting up in the middle of the night for a feed and drinking coffee and eating bourbon biscuits with the second one shock. I'd been told with the first never to feed him just give him bottled water - he was a big baby and obviously needed food but I was only 17 and thought they knew best sad

sodapop Sat 29-Sept-18 06:51:28

For my first child I had a Silver Cross pushchair which was so heavy I couldn't lift it. Then I got a Comfifolda one which was lighter. Not sure if that's how you spell the name. I think the word pushchair probably dates me now. I had the basic buggy for my second child in 1974 MissAdventure so easy to get on the bus as you say.

MissAdventure Fri 28-Sept-18 23:17:31

I always remember the freedom of getting a really basic buggy which you could just kick shut and fold up in one move!
It meant being able to catch a bus instead of having to walk everywhere.

Magrithea Fri 28-Sept-18 23:00:57

I had my babies between 1981 and 1990. I used cloth nappies for DD but had DS1 two years later and Pampers certainly made life easier in an apartment!

I can vaguely remember walking beside a big, 'traditional' pram as a child with two of my 3 brothers in it. I didn't have a pram but Maclaren pushchairs which were quite the thing in their day!

Now I'm a Grandma I find things have changed and haven't - some of my DD's friends are very into the 'traditional' - cloth nappies etc - but much has. It will ever be thus but as long as you love and cherish them you can't go wrong!

sodapop Fri 28-Sept-18 20:32:26

Oh yes, the kite shape for smaller babies I remember. It didn't seem to take long for the baby to be swamped by the terry nappy then suddenly it was a struggle to pull the ends across. Those nappy pins could be lethal as well.

annodomini Fri 28-Sept-18 20:27:21

There was a disposable nappy called Paddipad in 1971. It was on a roll and you cut it to size. It gave my son terrible nappy rash so I quickly got rid of it. Then Mothercare brought out their own version, but I never found it very effective. I was good at folding the terry nappies in the 'kite' shape and used disposable liners which, allegedly, were flushable.

NfkDumpling Fri 28-Sept-18 19:56:43

There were disposable nappies in the shops in th early 70s when I had mine, but they seemed really expensive and not good value compared with terry ones. There was a skill in folding the terry ones too. We prided ourselves on how trim they fitted.

NfkDumpling Fri 28-Sept-18 19:53:49

Bijou - you make me feel really young - I’m the same age as your firstborn!

Fennel Fri 28-Sept-18 16:43:20

Another thought - having babies pre 1970s gave a mother a different attitude. Before this women had little choice about becoming pregnant. It was up to the man, either to be careful or to use a condom. We had no control over it.
After that with growth of the Family Planning Association we had the means to plan our families.

sodapop Fri 28-Sept-18 15:56:05

Sorry stevej4491 my first child was born in 1968 and I have no memory of disposable nappies being available. Maybe they didn't arrive in the North of England until later.
It has been fascinating reading all the threads, some things I had forgotten about.
The salt baths, leaving our babies outside in all weathers etc.
I can relate to your uniform issue LMT49 I had just passed my finals and had my coveted staff nurse uniform. One day Matron stopped me in the corridor and said " it's time you went into a white coat Staff Nurse" I was so disappointed but Matron's word was law.

Fennel Fri 28-Sept-18 15:55:28

My 3 were born similar dates to yours, chicken.
The birth of my first was a nightmare.I was in Hope Hospital Salford (good name).
Labour was prolongued and when he eventually emerged he was blue from lack of oxygen, so straight into an oxygen tent. I wasn't allowed to hold him for 2 days. But TG he recovered and now has children of his own.
Nowadays I would have had a cesarian. The next 2 were more straightforward.
My memories of that time was that I was always hungry and always tired. Husband worked away and my parents were far away. But I loved being a mother and watching with fascination the way they developed and learned new things.

stevej4491 Fri 28-Sept-18 15:40:53

I think some people are having memory lapses as to when disposable nappies came in .My eldest son was born in 1965 ,we were a service family and used to travel up and down the country to visit our families and I used disposable nappies then.They were'nt anything special but did the job for a few days at a time.