Naughty behaviour in 3year old

If he is able to control his behaviour at nursery and with dad it suggests that he is testing boundaries with mum. Maybe she is less clear with him what the expectations are and takes the route of least resistance..easy to do..I have done that! Lots of praise & reward for positve behaviour and ignore ( as much as possible) the bad. If u can't ignore ( safety!) the bad try not to talk or get angry.. just remove him / objects to another place. A bit like dog training!

My three year old DGD did exactly this, just towards her mum (our daughter), it was unpleasant to witness. She and her husband are happy and together, so no family issues. She was at a nursery with lots of challenging children but her behaviour there was exemplary. We think some of it was learnt from some of the difficult children and some was frustration. Some may have been going up to a new class while much younger than most in the class. Who knows really? It’s a stage of development for some children, it will pass. Our lovely DGD is now four and is long past that awfulness and is now loving and great company again. We did change nursery though and she is in a calmer preschool environment, so did the move help? Maybe.

I agree you can't allow a child to kick or bite - just physically stop it and remove child from situation without focusing on the behaviour. Tell a story later on about someone else who bit someone and how it ended badly? (Not too badly!!!)

He's learnt one lesson - negative behaviour attracts lots of attention from everyone!
Perhaps no-one wants to discipline him in case they are seen as 'the bad parent' because mummy and daddy are no longer together.

Tantrums from three-year-olds can be quite spectacular!
He needs to know the boundaries as well as making sure he knows how much everyone loves him.

However, positive parenting and turning tasks like getting dressed etc into fun as trisher says is much better than constantly saying 'No' to everything.

My DGC had a moon/sun clock and were not supposed to go and disturb anyone until the moon changed to the sun.

hope this is not advertising:

gro.co.uk/product/gro-clock/

TrazzerMc sorry but that's a load of old fashioned psycho-babble. I brought up 3 boys on my own and none of them expected to be the 'man of the house'. My house, my rules, women rule! The youngest one did have a period of biting- but it was his brothers he bit when they put their arms out to stop him getting their toys. It was sheer frustration and he soon stopped. Distraction is always good. Boundaries are great. Three year olds test boundaries, it's how they find out about the world. It's important to be consistent. It's important to give him lots of love and attention, but not to give in when he demands things. As far as not cooperating goes try giving him times when he has choices and explain that there are times for everyone when they have to do things. Sometimes you can fool children into things by introducing an unexpected element or playing a silly game. Like putting an item on wrongly-socks on hands etc.

As grandtante says children thrive on routine and his is quite complicated with change of houses and nursery I guess it has all got a bit much, he can't tell you as he just doesn't have the words. Lots of cuddles and strong routine at home may help. The clock change is always a problem with small children (and big ones!). I am sorry your DD is not well I suspect he is picking up on that a bit which may be making him more anxious, this comes out as aggression.

IMO there is a limit to what kind of behaviour you can and should ignore. A three year old should not be allowed to hit or bite anyone, but told that hitting or biting hurts and is not allowed.

He is still small enough to be dressed by an adult, if he refuses to get dressed. Say something like, "Let's pretend you are a baby, and I will dress you." If he protests, "So, you're a big boy then, so let's see how fast you can get dressed by yourself."

The boy is confused by the split between his parents and probably has gathered that mummy isn't well, so it's no real wonder he is being difficult.

I once had a six year old pupil who turned to me and said, "It's nice you tell us what to do and why you would like us to do it and it's always the same rules. Could you tell my mummy and daddy how to do that?"

In other words, please behave like grown-ups and make it clear to the little ones that some things, like getting dressed, that just have to be done.

If he is awake and full of life at 5.30 what time is he going to bed? If it suits to keep up the afternoon nap, then let him stay up a bit longer at night and see whether he might then at least sleep until 6 a.m.

I used to work with young children. One day I was driving a very disruptive 3 year old to nursery. She was throwing herself all over the back of the car. I looked at a tree we were driving past and said "oh my goodness, there's a monkey in that tree". She immediately stopped the nonsense and began looking for monkeys in all the trees. As others have said, distraction is a wonderful tool.

Check his diet. Lots of hidden sugar in things like yogurt that's marketed as healthy for children. Read labels. Note the time of day his behaviour is worst. If it's shortly after food (including snacks) be suspicious! Sugar can make children high as kites and then there's a crash that makes the irritable.

Hi I read your post and just had to respond. My Dd is in a similar position to yours but she and her 2 children live with me. The children have different fathers my Dgd has no contact whatsoever with her dad but my Dgs aged 3 sees his dad and stays over a couple of times a week. Like your gs he started acting up and actually being very hurtful with the things he said not just to my daughter but to me as well. My Dd has a very amicable relationship with her ex and his family and my Dgs is loved and adored by them. So why was he playing up and generally being horrible sometimes?
My Dd is lucky enough to have a friend who is a child psychologist and this is what she told us:
He lives with 3 females and although only 3 he feels he has to be the man of the house ( old fashioned I know but please bear with it) She asked us to acknowledge that without giving him any real power but to say we love the way he looks after us and tries to help mummy.
She also pointed out that although parents and grandparents think they’re on the same page each household has its own set of rules so cut him some slack sometimes!
The most important thing was she told us not to tell him we missed him when he was away. She said he’d probably had a lovely time with his other family and by us greeting him saying I’m glad you’re home we missed you he may feel guilt about not being with you or guilt about having a good time.
Sorry for the long post, but it really has worked for us!
When he goes off now we say have a great time. When he comes home we greet him have a chat with whoever bought him back and generally don’t make too much fuss. Hope this gives you some insight into his behaviour x

Lemongrove, I was trying to point out that there are other factors also at play in this little ones life and that the separation is not the only cause.

The best option is to ignore bad behaviour and exaggeratedly praise anything good the child does. As for getting dressed, I usually used to tell them a story and when they were fully absorbed in it dress them when they weren't looking as it were. Distraction is the best thing. Telling story "So what did the lion do? Roared - Oh well done (as you put second arm in coat) .This way child does not lose face and before he knows it is out of the door/in bed etc.

Worth a try. (Just noticed this has been said already, but still...)

Just because his dad says 'he doesn't play him up' doesn't mean the child doesn't. His dad may have different standards so he gets away with more or he could be very strict. He may be bribing him to behave or putting him to bed too late or perhaps the dad just doesn't notice his bad behaviour! His mum is probably the one the child feels most secure with so he shows the worse behaviour to her, unfortunately. All the factors mentioned already by gransnetters will contribute to his change in behaviour. The answer is consistency and 'ignore the bad and praise the good' wherever possible and hope the phase will soon pass!

I think three year olds are generally more difficult than two year olds. They want to be independent, but are not yet old enough to do everything for themselves. So they get frustrated and that can come out as angry and trying to exert as much control as they can. Also in the case of my DGS at the same time they like the security of familial things. My DD moved countries when my DGS was almost three and he had many many tantrums. I think all you can do is be patient, give him as much reassurance as possible and try and be consistent in your approach. I know this is much easier said than done in the middle of a full scale tantrum though! Good luck I am sure it will pass soon.

They may have separated ages ago so it may not be a contributing factor

Thank you all grans for your invaluable advice regarding my dgs.
Apparently he is well behaved at nursery but thus term he was moved up a class, so that was a bit unsettling for him.

His dad says he doesn’t play him up.
I will definitely try to ignore his bad behaviour, but a bit difficult for Dd when she is trying to get him ready to go out etc.

,

I'm a qualified nursery nurse and first port of call would be his key worker at nursery all in confidence and they would appreciate you informing them of any change in behaviour. It could be some transition difference between rooms or home area. Please have a word and it will help I'm sure.

Separation of any sort upsets a child and when they're too young to tell you it comes out in their behaviour. You'll just have to let it run its course and ignore the behaviour and throwing things or he'll do it all the more. When children don't have an audience they won't perform. Three is probably worse than two as I take no notice of my 3 year old GGD when she has a meltdown I just pretend she isn't there, she's a little imp and swears too.
I suppose we all make allowances as she spent a couple of weeks in SCBU when she was born and was covered in tubes and wires so her mum couldn't bond with her properly. Her smile is something else----so is her behaviour !
As long as they're loved they're happy and feel secure.

Providing he's not subject to seeing his parents tear strips off each other I would be surprised if at 3 he's got much of a grasp about his parents having separated. Children that age just take things at face value, daddy living in an different house really wouldn't mean that much to him I'm sure.

Providing he's loved and cared for between both parents it will just become the norm for him very quickly.
My nieces little girl is 2.5 and regularly has sleep overs with us, her nana, and her grandad, none of this unsettles her, she is adored by us all and happy to be with each of us, never asks for her parents and is quite content , she loves it!

Having bought up two boys this all sounds pretty normal to me, consistent discipline and boundaries will do the trick , he's testing right now and just needs to learn what behaviour is and isn't acceptable.

Should read give him extra love& cuddles etc

Firstly sorry to read what your family is dealing with at the moment. however it always amazes me that we tend to be a bit taken aback when young children have to deal with changes & complexity that we as adults find so distressing.
Lots of love & lots of extra , cuddles & reassurance that he is loved & everything is ok. Best wishes

Am amazed Mabel that anyone would think it only ‘could’
Be the reason ( marriage break up) three year olds are old enough to feel upset and it will come out in their aggressive behaviour as they cannot have a reasonable conversation about it to their Mother!
The OP doesn’t say that the child is badly behaved at nursery, but at home with his Mummy.
Marriage break up is impossibly hard on a small child.

It will have exacerbated his behaviour and he needs to feel secure.
If he has just started nursery that could mean that he is wondering what mummy is doing while he's there - and why he is there in fact. He may be behaving at nursery but is feeling uncertain as his little world has changed.

However, three-year-olds can be much worse behaviourally than two-year-olds in our experience and can have quite astonishing meltdowns.
With loving consistency they can become delightful and generally well-behaved four year olds.

Lemongrove, there's no of course about it. It could be his parents split, it could be nursery, it could be a combination of both. A three year old can't tell you, but they still need to know that bad behaviour won't be tolerated in a calm but firm way, along with praising their good behaviour. Setting boundaries help children feel loved and secure.

Of course it’s the parents splitting up that has caused his upset and consequent behaviour, as surely as night follows day.
He needs to be told that Mummy and Daddy love him and the adults have to be civil with one another in front of him, and not only that, to be sure not to have conversations criticising either M or D in front of him.His little world has changed, he doesn’t feel safe and he needs extra love not punishments.