Ex Son in Law’s girlfriend dyed the children’s hair!!!!

If thats what the kid wanted and the childs PARENT agreed then yes

And with his permission his girlfriend.

Because according to your criteria, as long as there is no abuse or neglect, the Father and with his permission could do anything to alter the appearance of these two children.

So if the Father wanted to shave his little girls heads bald, that would be ok with you notanan2?

If this man and his GF want to be trusted they should show some reason to be.
No. They don't.
"This man" is their father and unless there is SERIOUS issues like abuse or neglect, the father is and should be free to chose what the children do during his time with them.

I am still annoyed on your behalf. To dye a baby's hair without the mother's consent
The FATHER was there to consent.

ProudNanna
I am still annoyed on your behalf. To dye a baby's hair without the mother's consent shows a lack of feeling, sense and responsibility in my eyes.
I would expect a proper explanation, apology and a promise never to repeat. If this man and his GF want to be trusted they should show some reason to be.

And she's hardly an insignificant fling if he left his ex for her. Sounds like she is a permanent fixture whether you like it or not. And its nice that she is interested in the children, some new partners really arent.

Its about what is an acceptable thing for a newish girlfriend (not stepmum) to do to someone else’s children. I think dying their hair is crossing the line.

No its not.
Its about the father, who is allowed to "deligate" during his contact time just like a mother is.

I hire babysitters, drop my kids at playdates & parties, arrange sleepovers, drop off and extra curricular activities etc
& I decide who I deem fit to do activities with my kids. The FATHER is okay with his girlfriend doing these activities with the children and it is his decision during his time!

The mum does not get to control their time with dad.

Can’t the neighbours at next door but two offer any definitive advice?

Ooops, OP DID say dyed in title!

I doubt she did it maliciously, there's not many would go into a relationship wanting to be nasty to their partners children.

Most likely offered it wanting to be nice to the kids and father (I would assume) agreed then it's between mother and father and OP as gran, though she may be upset, it's not her children, nor her decision.

OP doesn't say anywhere that their hair was dyed. Just says "came back with blue and pink hair". If this is a real post then I would like to know what their Mother thinks? Why is the Granny so ? Nothing to do with you ProudNanna, its between the parents. It'll wash out anyway

Of course that's not fair craftergran, 'it takes two to tango' and having an affair while your partner is pregnant is beyond the pale but I don't think many men would come up with the idea of dying children's hair so I was just talking about the hair incident ?

Hmm Beau that was your dad.

OP is accusing gf of doing it as though dad had no say. Then went on to call her a floozy when from sounds of it it was ex SonIL who had an affair. He's the floozy... or male version of but she is getting the blame - all of it, from dyeing hair to affair and I just dont think that's very fair

My dad cut a big chunk of my little brothers long hair off while he was asleep to upset my mum who liked it longer so hair can be quite a battle ground when people are splitting up etc.

I disagree a little craftergran - if he has gone for someone 10 years younger maybe his judgement is possibly questionable and he was trying to appear 'cool' with it to impress her? Obviously we don't know all the facts and I understand where you are coming from but men in the throes of a new romance can sometimes be a bit 'dumb' in some regards in my experience.

there have been previous threads in the past about unwanted hair cuts, sometimes

I see no problem there unless the haircutting was done in a bullying way to deliberately upset the child.

It would be UR if it was a non parent, but if a child has 2 involved parents, events like hair cuts etc SHOULD be spread over the two. Imo.

The father seemed to be ok with it otherwise I doubt whether it would've happened. The age of father's gf an whether or not she is a floozy is no-one's business.

The children were in the care of their father who the mother felt was good enough to father two children with. I would assume she trusted him with their children when they were together what has changed?

Quite often the new woman is considered a floozy or something else derogatory because the mother has issues with her ex moving on

That naughty step has become a veritable ladder today!

Thanks Chewbacca, very helpful. ??

ProudNanna, I don't think most posters think it's ok at all. For some reason, some people thought your post was not genuine. As I said before, I would be livid and so would most people. I would probably have strong words with the father if I was your DD.

If we posted them again they'd get deleted again. Obviously.

What are you all saying to get your messages deleted??

Personally I would be livid!
Green and yellow are my preferred colours.