Christmas Presents for Grandchildren

Oh no, I shan't get involved at all, sodapop. No way!

Oh, and make any other toys she still has stashed, unacceptable at any other time of the year, bar on a birthday, when the same rules apply (2 gifts per adult per child). Make it clear you will sell or dispose of anything else received and do so in her presence ('Put that parcel straight in the Charity box.')

99% of grandparents will ask advice, take a hint, shop under formal guidance, but now and again you get a grandmother like this and the only thing you can do is take measures that in any other circumstances would appear rude or brutal.

Have a big box in the garage or in a shed and put most of the presents straight in there unopened and unseen by the children then feed them into the charity shop in small numbers during the year. Alternatively, as the presents are all in their original boxes and wrappings, sell them on ebay and put the proceeds into the relevant child's saving account.

Another suggestion, if this lady has to be collected from home each Christmas, is to tell her that once she has filled the boot of the car, no more presents can be taken. - stick to that rule (unless you have an estate car). Do not let her into the car if she is carrying anything else and if push comes to shove, drive away and leave her at her own home.

Institute a rule that no child can receive more than two presents from anyone, bar a few cheap stocking presents without attribution. I think that is quite sufficient anyway. Then use the methods suggested above to make this lady stick to the rules.

Your son in law should have put his foot down and not allowed all this stuff in the car, let alone to be unwrapped in his home. If this lady wishes to be generous, she should put money into a savings account for the child ( ren). He may need to arrange this, take her to the bank or wherever. It is his mother, not your problem, though I sympathise.
For what it is worth, my grandchildren’s other grandparents spend far more on them than I do, and they are overindulged.

How about suggesting that she keeps the mountain of presents in her own house for when the children visit or as has been said - rewrap for this years charity.

Unfortunately Bluebelle the specific experience at the large internationally recognised charity is based on an actual experience after last Xmas. The wider issue of unacceptable donations to charity shops and the huge costs of disposal has been well documented in the Australian media with pleas to the public to consider what they donate or often just dump. We are talking about millions of dollars a year in disposal costs which of course reduces the funds available for the real work of the charities. I wish it were different.

Both the young mother involved and I both work, or in my case worked, in the health and welfare sector for many decades.

I don't think you should get involved in this Lyndiloo leave it to your son in law to deal with his mother. As for the surplus gifts could they not be rewrapped and given to a charity for this Christmas.

I m so sorry to disagree about the charity shops Apricity at least you may be quoting your particular area or particular shop but we (and I ve contact with other charity shops) never ever refuse toys or unwanted kids items, never and we NEVER send to landfill We share with other charities or other shops in our own charity group and only ever throw away really broken or dirty toys We are an extremely busy shop and get well over 100 bags of donations nearly every day but never refuse anything unless it’s very big furniture (which we can’t house) or vhs tapes
The rest of your post I agree with

I know a family with the same problem. One grandmother persists with a mountain of unwanted Xmas presents for the primary school age children despite multiple discussions with her about the issue. She will not listen.

Last year the parents were frustrated that even local charities did not want the brand new toys after Xmas. The reality is that charities are inundated with unwanted gifts post Xmas and either refuse them or are highly selective about what they will take and many just end up as land fill which costs the charities a great deal of money.

The parents had discussions with the children this year saying they could choose a very limited number of the gifts before they were unboxed and the rest would go to various charities as not only brand new items but still in their original packaging so they could be distributed later in the year as needed.

Some people may see the grandmother as generous in wanting to give her grandchildren so many gifts but it can equally be seen as very selfish behaviour as it is all about her needs and does not respect the wishes and needs of other people.

That is without even considering the broader issues of excess rubbish, plastic pollution and the impact on the environment. The very best gift we can give our grandchildren is a sustainable and clean Earth not a lot of plastic rubbish that will take thousands of years to degrade.

Really, your daughter and SIL need to not accept the gifts from her MIL. They need to tell her that they will NOT be taking that pile of packages home, and that she can pick two or three things for each child out of the pile. The rest is to be put away and will NOT be shown to the kids.

Their children, their rules. MIL can buy whatever things she wants. Doesn't mean they are under obligation to accept them.