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Second miscarriage for my daughter....

(23 Posts)
Deni1963 Sat 19-Jan-19 12:58:04

Her first loss was dating scan at 13 weeks. She fell pregnant quickly after and after a no problem pregnancy had a beautiful girl.
She is only about 5 weeks pregnant but losing this pregnancy too. She is devastated.
As her mum I'm very worried perhaps something is underlying, she is 28 and healthy. I had 4 losses after my 2nd child and was diagnosed with a rare blood condition during pregnancy.
I know she is going to be so low now, should we be concerned? Is this common?
Very sad right now for her.

DoraMarr Sat 19-Jan-19 13:06:39

It is sad, and you must be doubly worried after suffering miscarriages yourself. when she feels able to, perhaps she can ask her doctor for a consultation at her local hospital to se if here is an underlying cause. I had a miscarriage in my first pregnancy at 20 weeks, although the baby had died around 10 weeks. I had four three healthy babies after that. My last pregnancy was a twin, but one of the twins miscarried at ten weeks, although the other survived to be a healthy (and determined!) full time baby. The reasons for a miscarriage are often unknown. It usually seems to be that the foetus or embryo is not viable. I hope your daughter can take comfort from the fact that she has been able to carry a child successfully, which would seem to indicate that she will be able to do so again.
By the way, I don't think I ever felt as anxious during my own pregnancies as I did during the pregnancies of my three daughters!

glammanana Sat 19-Jan-19 13:22:07

DoraMarr How I relate to your comment about being more anxious during your DDs pregnancies than your own I was exactly the same when my DD had her babies.
I lost 4 babies between my DD and my 1st son (6 yrs apart) and it wasn't until my 4th miscarriage that my fabulous consultant found that my cervix had been torn when delivering my DD and it had been badly weakened,so when I was expecting my son I was taken in and a stitch was put in place to tighten the cervix I had this procedure for my 2nd son 4 yrs later with no problems.
Denil Your DD will receive the very best of treatment and help to go forward and try again I'm sure sending you ((hugs)) and my best wishes.

paddyann Sat 19-Jan-19 13:30:05

I know this too well my first miscarried early andthe twin survived until the 7th month when she was born prem an donly lived 4 days.My second pregancy had problems time spent on bedrest but baby was delivered on her due date and was a fine healthy girl .Then a run of 5 more miscarriages before my son was born 10 years later very premature and he spent 11 weeks in SCBU.I think its a lot more common than most people realise.
I know I never told anyone when I fell pregnant until I was over my risk weeks .Between 7 and 11 weeks for me .Things have changed in the 43 years since my first mis,so I know that if your daughter sees a gynacologist they'll find out whats going on and try to fix it.Dont give up just yet.Dont tell her about all our stories either as that wont help .Nothing you can do but support her ,it doesn't matter how early her loss she's still hurt. On the plus side I found the early miscarriages easier to come to terms with .I hope all goes well next time for her.Keep her busy so she doesn't stress .

Elegran Sat 19-Jan-19 13:47:24

Five weeks is very early in the pregnancy. I believe that many pregnancies fail in the first few days without even getting firmly implanted in the womb, and the mother never even realises that she has conceived. It just seems as though a period is a week or so later than expected, unless she is looking out for a long-planned pregnancy and counting days anxiously.

This may well be one of those non-starters. If she has not seen her GP or consultant she should contact them and have her mind put at rest.

grannyactivist Sat 19-Jan-19 13:57:44

To answer the question, yes it is very common, but in times past we didn't have the means to test for such an early stage of pregnancy and women miscarried unknowingly. I was 'late' many times and suspected I was miscarrying and then in time had early miscarriages confirmed by quicker testing.

You know there is a great deal to be hopeful for in the future, but right now you and your daughter are understandably distressed. I'm so sorry. flowers

ginny Sat 19-Jan-19 14:05:15

Sorry to hear this. My DD had two miscarriages last year. One was a ‘missed ‘ one . Baby had stopped developing at around 12 weeks and she had to undergo surgical intervention. Second one at 9 weeks,.
Luckily they have a beautiful nearly 3 year old boy but she is very nervous about trying again.
All we can do is just be there for them.

luluaugust Sat 19-Jan-19 14:19:30

I am so sorry to hear this, I had our eldest daughter and then two miscarriages at 8 and 12 weeks (twins), then a long gap and a few years later my younger daughter followed rapidly by my son. Both DDs have had miscarriages but now have lovely families. From what I know with family and friends it is very common and there often appears to be no reason for it.

notanan2 Sat 19-Jan-19 14:36:02

As for underlying causes, generally they wont investigate for 2, especially if one was early.

It is estimated that the average/norm is 3 miscarriages per woman! With the majority being early or "missed misscarraiges" only identified if the woman was trying and using early tests.

They tend to only consider them "recurring" if its more than 3 but given your history they may run some tests sooner, but they may not as she still falls within "normal" unfortunately

notanan2 Sat 19-Jan-19 14:37:59

Sorry I meant chemical, not missed. (Where the period is on time or just a few days late & if the woman hadnt been doing early testing she would never have known she was pregnant

Franbern Sat 19-Jan-19 15:13:48

My youngest daughter (one of twins) had always achieved everything she out to. A's in her schools exams, a First in her degree, etc. Then she and hubbie decided to have children. She miscarried and I think I was more devastated than she was. Quickly became pregnant again, - no problems there - miscarried again. Then had, what she always maintans as two very early miscarraeges - she was told that she needs to have three before she could receive NHS assistance. These two would not count as no Doctor had confirmed those pregnancies. Then a third /fifth miscarriage.
Living in North Ireland they were referred to St Mary's Hospital in Paddington and had to make trips over to England. Both of them for first check and then her by herself. They soon diagnosed the problem which was that the blood supply to the uterus was too thick for the foetus. Next time she suspected she was pregnant, she started on a course of special aspirin. Despite bad hyperemesis, she gave birth to a lovely, healthy baby girl and then a second one nearly two years later.
There is so much more information out there and help available. Do not give up, just support your daughter and let her talk about the baby she has lost. My daughter still lights candles every year to her five little stars.

Day6 Sat 19-Jan-19 15:31:45

So sorry to hear this Denil. Your daughter can carry a baby to full term, so I hope that thought helps her, and the patter of tiny feet in the future will bring you all joy.

Anja Sat 19-Jan-19 16:11:14

My daughter had two miscarriages after a full term pregnancy. Low thyroid levels. Never had any problems getting a referral after two miscarriages.

PECS Sat 19-Jan-19 16:33:47

My 2 DDs who have 2 healthy children each also have three lost babies. I think there must be more positive hope when a woman has had one successful pregnancy. Don't worry too much..though that is easy to say and hard to do flowers

Nonnie Sat 19-Jan-19 16:45:59

You will know that all miscarriages are emotional but after you have held your own healthy baby it is much worse. It is like losing a full term baby.

I think you can tell her our stories if you edit out the worst bits because many of us went on to have happy healthy families and that will give her hope. So much more is known now so it must be easier to diagnose a problem if there is one.

Hypothyroidism, as already said, is one fairly common cause and the GP can test for that.

I wouldn't think an incompetent cervix would be the cause at so early a stage. Don't know what they do these days but they used to wait until 14 weeks before putting in a Shirodkar stitch.

So glad people talk about it nowadays and that there are support groups. It was very lonely in my day.

Tangerine Sat 19-Jan-19 18:33:58

I've had three miscarriages but went on to have two healthy children. I often wondered if something was wrong with the babies I lost. Some people, I think, have difficulties carrying a child of one specific sex or the other.

EllanVannin Sat 19-Jan-19 19:27:39

Look at Zara Phillips/Tindall, she too had two miscarriages before having her last baby. A healthy woman who'd already had a normal birth with her first. There's always hope for subsequent live births when you've produced your first living child.
There are a handful of problems which can cause a woman to miscarry, then there can be no reason at all. Where/if a problem is found then it can be rectified.

It's always so sad when a miscarriage occurs, usually in the first 3 months of pregnancy but the most upsetting case I recollect was a mother who was 8 months pregnant only to be told that her baby was no longer alive. I was ages getting over that and could hear her screams inside my head for a long time. It was the worst moment in my life

BlueSapphire Sun 20-Jan-19 10:19:59

So sorry to hear about your DD, Deni. I had two miscarriages, the first a missed one at 18 weeks (baby had died at about 12 weeks) and then the next at 8 weeks. I then went on to have two large healthy babies with no pregnancy problems. Best wishes to your DD.

Luckygirl Sun 20-Jan-19 10:58:36

My DD went through all this several times - now has two healthy children.

In the past, as others have said, we did not know we were pregnant till about 8 weeks, so lots of early miscarriages went undiagnosed and were just seen as a late period.

Your DD should take heart from the fact that she has had one normal pregnancy and healthy baby.

jeanie99 Mon 21-Jan-19 02:57:11

I think miscarriages are very common I had one.
My DIL had three before her two boys.
Sometimes there are reasons why we loose a baby but if your daughter is very worried she needs to speak to her doctor about her concerns.

absent Mon 21-Jan-19 03:59:51

Even this small sample is some indication of how common miscarriages are. I can add my two penn'orth of having miscarried three times myself. My mother miscarried too sometime in the late 1940s. I rather suspect another might have happened a little earlier as well, but testing was less reliable in those days. It is a devastating and distressing event; emotions might also be much nearer the surface because of hormones clocking in and clocking out so rapidly. It is desperately sad to lose that glorious promise and does stay with you all your life, although the pain of the loss does decrease.

I think it is very hard for fathers to understand. Although they may be looking forward to being a dad, the sheer physical connection is not, of course, there for them. Equally, they fail to understand how a woman can feel that she is somehow to blame even when she knows that she has done nothing that could possibly harm the baby. I'm sure that must be quite irritating, but would advise dads to button their lips over that one, apart from repeating "Of course you did nothing wrong".

BradfordLass72 Mon 21-Jan-19 04:21:20

Can your daughter be tested for this 'rare blood condition' you mentioned - another cause of worry for you.

My experience is like the other posters here and you simply have to mourn and carry on.

Deni1963 Tue 22-Jan-19 08:31:39

Hello - she was tested after the first miscarriage and all was found to be normal. The pathologist consultant advised low dose aspirin none the less. At the time she was 9 weeks pregnant with her daughter, she has a doctors appt coming up. I think she should be on low dose aspirin pre conception - so we will see.