Is it illegal?

It's not illegal and you can't be forced to care for any other adult.

Yes, you will be put under heavy pressure but no one can force you to do so.

Very interesting question and a bit of a nightmare for our generation. Such a thin line between social care and nursing care. I shall be interested in all the information that will be discussed on this post.

My OH was a CN in a hospital with such patients and he said over his time there, there were instances where the partner/relative could not cope and they refused to take them home. Visits were made to the relative's home by Social Workers to discuss this and alternative arrangements were made for the patient.

Oh Lord, so sorry for the typos and their?their? THERE!

The problem is, if you say you cannot accommodate them, and will not source care for them, they could be housed in the most horrible care homes, the ones where there are loads of vacancies...... This almost happened to my mum. She had advanced breast cancer and severe dementia(she did not know who we were).
She had been in hospital with a uti and they wanted to discharge her. I live 90 kles away from her, my brother over 200. My step dad desperately wanted her home, to care for her. Problem was, he did not encourage her to eat - if she said she was not hunhry, he did not feed her. She had not been bathed for several weeks, jer nails were filty, her hair was matted, but they still wanted to send her home to him.
We pushed and pushed for continuing care, but in the meantime, I found a local, lovely home for her to move into. Brother and I agreed to cover the costs if needed (we knew that she was dying).
She lived their, happily, as far as that is possible, for 9 weeks before she died. We ended up just paying for 3 days care (?)

Had it been left to social services, she would have been homed in the most desperate, horrible care home. We could never have seen her in there.

I guess the moral is: what would YOU want if it was you? Go for it, and sod the expense!

I don't think they can make you pay even if you are very rich, it would have to come out of the assets of the person going into a home. I seem to remember hearing that if someone else lives in the home the money doesn't have to be found in their lifetime but I'm sure someone will know the facts.

I would imagine if (say) you had a house that you jointly owned you might be forced to sell it to use half to pay for your partner's care, or if it were a parent then their home would be sold. If you (say) sold your home and pocketed the money and went off round the world and your other half owned half the house then they would probably come after you, but if you were just living with a partner in a rented house and had no capital I can't see how they can make you do anything.

Thanks Ninathenana , I'm just curious and googling didn't really give a definitive answer. I also wonder if being married changes the answer, if its just someone you have lived with ,with no legal commitment?

I know if you say you cannot cope they cannot make you.
DD has worked for adult social care on the financial side. I will be asking her about this when she arrives here

You have to be tough in standing your ground in insisting that your home is not suitable as the hospital will put a lot of pressure on to free up the bed. It is SS responsibility to find suitable placement but you can do that if you are willing. If nursing care is needed the NHS funds it but if social care it is LA funding. Hence why they are both trying to pass the buck, preferably to you if they can make you feel guilty.

Not that I'm advocating abandonment in any way Ann but what a position to be in. We were just playing devils advocate and wondering if you just left someone there, liquidated your assets and moved would they hunt you down or what law would you be breaking?

Its a minefield isn't it?

When this happened to one of my friend's whose partner was diagnosed with a brain tumour she was rung almost daily to ask if she had made arrangements for him.
She could not have him at home, the house was not suitable and she was told if she did not find a home for him ,the authorities would choose one for him.
She did find him a home where he died 5 weeks later. I assume his fees would have been sorted out by SS, she paid full fees but after his death did get some back as he was entitled to nursing care.
She had a battle to get it but she did.
Legally if the patient has funds available you cannot wash your hands but somehow it would be obtained by SS or the home.