Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Feeling lost

(11 Posts)
Nanano Fri 08-Feb-19 20:55:00

Hi 3rdtime Trying to figure out how to put this .
I'm 61 and feel so mixed up .
I really don't like how I'm feeling . Old fat unloveable are just 3 words to describe myself at this time .
I have a partner of 10 years . We haven't been intimate for nearly a year now so that doesn't help my feeling unloveable . . He is 10 years younger than me .
He's always says he loves me and we kiss hello and good bye . But that just feels like habit now . Any suggestions how to rekindle the physical side of our relationship .

phoenix Fri 08-Feb-19 22:58:05

Bit too close to home for me to post regarding my own experiences, but wanted you to know I have read and sympathise.

annep1 Fri 08-Feb-19 23:02:37

I think maybe a couple of sessions with a counsellor would help. You have low self esteem at the minute and you need to work on that. You can change how you feel. wishing you well.

notnecessarilywiser Sat 09-Feb-19 08:04:22

You really need to tell your partner how you're feeling and tell him you want to tackle the problem together. It sounds as though he's committed to the relationship, so he may offer to join you in more exercise or a healthy eating diet plan.

But bear in mind that he may be avoiding intimacy because of physical difficulties on his part. A visit to the GP to rule out anything sinister before seeking the assistance of little blue pills might be a solution!

Urmstongran Sat 09-Feb-19 08:41:47

This must be hard for you as you sound like a brother and sister. I hope things work out for you going forward.
For a start you could become nanayes 😉

Iam64 Sat 09-Feb-19 08:52:53

It isn't so much the lack of a sexual relationship as the lack of a supportive emotional one. Maybe that's the topic to find a way of raising.

Telly Sat 09-Feb-19 11:47:37

I guess the only way to move things forward is to talk to your partner. When both of you are in a positive frame of mind that is. Perhaps a weekend away, different environment, some time to yourselves away from the daily routine? See what his take on things is? The weight issue, well I know its not easy but perhaps have a look at your diet and see what you can cut out? Maybe up your physical activity - go for a regular walk etc? Buy some new clothes, perhaps try some different colours? A new hobby or interest? Little changes all add up!

Nonnie Sat 09-Feb-19 12:20:11

Not sure if I can say anything helpful but can you do anything to get out of the rut you seem to be in? Join something either separately or together? So easy to just take each other for granted, he may be feeling the same.

Bridgeit Sat 09-Feb-19 16:06:18

As you are both mature people a 10yr age difference shouldn’t be any more of an issue now than when you first got together, but it does sound like you have lost some of the intimate togetherness that you once shared, & that’s probably your starting point for an open honest chat perhaps over a meal & glass of wine. Many couples drift apart without realising it, time to get talking ,best wishes

Luckygirl Sat 09-Feb-19 16:18:04

The absence of intimacy does not mean you are "old, fat and unlovable" - it could be due to a lot of different things, some not to do with you at all.

I think the question you need to ask yourself is: "Would I mind about the absence of intimacy if I did not feel I was old and fat?" In other words is it the lack of intimacy itself that you mind about but the fact that you link it with your poor self-image at the moment. If you felt like a real dish, might you be happy with the absence?

It may be that he has a problem that he has not told you about.

A bit of a heart to heart is needed if you feel able to initiate that. Or a chat with a counsellor to help you unpick your feelings. This absence of self-worth is a problem of itself, regardless of anything else.

annep1 Sat 09-Feb-19 21:22:17

Thats what I think too Luckygirl.