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Why do i feel guilty🤔

(15 Posts)
Bopeep14 Tue 23-Apr-19 10:07:44

I look after grandchildren unfortunately one of them has chickenpox, and i will be having him from tomorrow for the rest of the week as he isn't allowed to go to nursery. I also have another grandchild (cousin) but his mum doesn't want him to get them understandable, she is unhappy as she will have to now take annual leave to look after her child. Why do i feel guilty?

Urmstongran Tue 23-Apr-19 10:10:34

When we were little and my sister got CP our lovely family doctor encouraged mum to invite all the local little girls to a tea party.

maryeliza54 Tue 23-Apr-19 10:13:48

Mother’s choice - no need to feel guilty at all.

DoraMarr Tue 23-Apr-19 10:17:50

This is not your problem. Both sets of parents have responsibility for their own children. The child with chicken pox should be cared for by his parents, sharing anual leave between them. That way you could have the other grandchild. Alternatively, both sets of parents should work something out between themselves. There are four other adults who can care for these children.

leyla Tue 23-Apr-19 10:23:53

I also think that the child with CP should be at home being cared for by their parents. I'd be a bit peeved too if I was the other Mum.

Eglantine21 Tue 23-Apr-19 10:27:31

No need for you to feel guilty.

But I’m with Leyla. The parent whose child can’t go to nursery is the one who should be using up their leave.

Bopeep14 Tue 23-Apr-19 10:27:48

The child's mum who has chicken pox has taken time off but tomorrow she is at college and as its coming up to exams can’t take the time off. He has scabbed over and is no longer infectious so don't see what the problem is. I still feel guilty though.

DoraMarr Tue 23-Apr-19 10:31:35

You don’t have to feel guilty! These are not your children, it is up to the parents to work out childcare arrangements.

NanaandGrampy Tue 23-Apr-19 10:31:49

As someone who finally caught chicken pox in my 30s , I would have had the non infected child over too.

I can’t tell you how ill i was for over 6 weeks , even though my mum made sure I mixed with kids and siblings who caught it as children I managed to avoid it.

I made sure my girls had everything as small children and my daughters have done the same for the grandchild. Better a mild dose at 7 than an almost fatal dose at 30.

mcem Tue 23-Apr-19 10:43:12

Much better to have CP as a child.
My neighbour and I saw our 4 through it and it wasn't particularly traumatic until, as the children recovered, she developed it and was really ill.
I was fine, having gone through it aged 4 but ended up looking after all 4 children while she recuperated!
In your case, I feel for the mum having to take time off when her child isn't I'll but you should certainly not feel guilty!
Can't help thinking that it might have been sensible to expose her child now as she could use up more leave if the child does develop CP. Then at least they'd be protected!

Franbern Tue 23-Apr-19 10:48:49

Why on earth will the parent with the other child not let them come to you? At this time of year Chickenpox is usually wide spread amongst younger children, at nurseries and infant schools. Good to get it over and done with early on, besides which, as you say, the other child is probably out of the infectious stage. Not your problem though, definitely no need for any sort of guilt feelings.
My seven all went through it one after the other, loads of bicarb in bath water and calomine lotion.

sodapop Tue 23-Apr-19 10:52:27

Why do we feel guilty about child care for our adult children, it's their responsibility to care for their offspring not ours. That said it changes nothing and women are programmed to feel guilty whatever they do.
I agree the other child should be exposed to chicken pox but if his mother made another choice then the care is down to her.
Don't worry Bopeep you have done your best.

jaylucy Tue 23-Apr-19 10:56:29

Like others I wonder why the other child is not to be allowed near - however, it may be too late anyway as chickenpox is infectious before the spots come out !
One of my friends was advised by her GP to put Head and Shoulders shampoo in the bath to stop the itching - she said it worked really well !
I had chickenpox before I went to school, but my sister didn't get it until her teens and she was really poorly - literally covered in spots, even in her throat !

Teetime Tue 23-Apr-19 10:56:42

I agree with much of the above. DH got Chicken Pox in his 30s and was extremely ill. Also if a little one is poorly they want their Mum surely?

Bopeep14 Tue 23-Apr-19 11:02:22

Thanks all for you replies, i think the reason i feel guilty is because my hubby and i go away in June and she is taking annual leave then and its a little inconvenient for her as her other child will be at school as half term is the week before. I have looked after grandchildren for quite a few years and the parents have always fitted in with hubbies leave. It has never been an issue.