I feel like I don't want to be friends with my lifelong friend anymore

Many of the comments ring a bell with me. Two years ago i wrote a letter to my oldest friend. My daughter was seriously ill. I have heard nothing from her since and a friendship of over 60 years ends. It had run its course. Let it go * iona*. I feel nothing but relief.

I don't understand why you can't be honest with a friend of so many years standing. Seems like a strange sort of friendship.

A close friend we had for 30 years and nearly asked her to be a Godmother, came on holiday with us regularly. Each time a man came into her life contact dwindled. 3 years ago bumped into her and new husband and she said ‘ having a new bathroom fitted this week. Promise I will ring when it’s done for us to get together’. Needless to say it never happened.

Yes lulu it's often the case.

Do you need a friend like that just because you ve known her a long time doesn’t mean you have to have her in your
Life for everFriendship is about enjoying each other’s company if you’re not enjoying hers then don’t meet up again or cut it down to once a year then never

KatyK I couldn't agree with you more. I have an old friend who apparently had a wonderful marriage, brilliant children and was very good at telling me and others what to do, years down the line it now appears the marriage was very unhappy and the AC have been affected in one way and another. We are still friendly but time and distance means we aren't able to meet anyway as we once did. It is sad but with old friends dying, moving etc I find I can't quite worry about it as I once might have.

I have an old school friend, haven seen her for over 40 years , but we keep in touch

Over the years her letters have become more like a travel guide, they must have been to every country on earth, climbed every mountain, crossed every desert, bought a stunning little getaway on every continent, I could go on ......

Anyway, I’m not jealous, I’m happy for her, but I’m really not interested!

People who feel the need to put others down are usually not as happy as they would have you believe.

sometimes we just go in different directions,we've been friends with a couple for over 40 years ,now they've retired..no GC ...and they want to be away on breaks every month.We have 4 and a half GC (new one due late summer) We have them all regualrly and one we've had half the week day and night since she was a year old ,9 years.They think we need to "take our lives back and come on holiday with them" We are more than happy doing what we do.We love our young people ,,our 16 year old is a wonderful young man and the 3 girls are pure entertainment value .So if the choice is between them and breaks we dont want I know which will win .

Sometimes friendships benefit from a sort of re-shaping. I’ve managed this quietly with a couple we were close to and while still valuing the joint history find there is little in common now. We are now about two hours from each other. So we no longer invite them to stay or go to stay in their home but instead suggest we meet for a meal somewhere between us or occasionally travel to them for a day which keeps some contact but doesn’t feel strained. I suspect as time passes this will happen less. It’s part of life I think and best accepted rather than be concerned about.

I have cut ties with my oldest 'friend' recently. We have known each other nearly sixty years, she was bridesmaid at my first wedding in 1972. I don't believe she has had a very happy marriage, and have always thought she got married to the first man interested enough to ask, because she was the last of our class who was still single in her mid-20s. I moved around a lot, she stayed in her home town. At first there was lots of letters to and fro, then she got a job and the correspondence slowed down, but she always sent birthday cards and I never forgot hers either. Her career took off, from typist to head of a large department within five years, two sons came along also. All I ever heard from her was a card at Christmas with a one line message - always 'Hope you are well'. I accept she had a busier life than I, but once technology kicked in, she could have emailed regularly, just a quick chatty email every now and then. But no. Then she retired a few years ago, and I was so pleased as I thought it meant she might keep in touch now But no. So I sent a letter saying I wouldn't be in touch again as it seemed a very one-sided 'friendship' to me, and that wasn't the sort I wanted. Thought that might evoke a response, but no.
The point of this rambling is to say that it's perfectly all right to put an end to the friendship. We grow older and our priorities, what we expect from life, change. Friendships should make us happy, glad to be with the other person, to see them. If it's not making you feel like that, it's not worth it. You could write to her and tell her you won't be keeping in touch, and telling her why, as you put it on here. I'd give anything for a good friend I felt really close to, but sadly she died.

As you have known her for so long is it not possible to have a quiet chat with her and explain how her comments are upsetting you? She may be used to having to take charge in her professional life and finds it hard not to in her personal life.

Some people feel the need to patronise others or to put it bluntly, put them down.
It may not be meant unkindly but I am reminded of Lady Catherine de Burgh in Pride and Prejudice.
Let her go and should she ever ask why, you could tell her that fond as you were/are of her, the constant put downs were hurtful and demoralising.

You have grown apart. It’s sad but your gut feeling is that you no longer enjoy her visits or company. Rather than fight it, let it slide and eventually fade out.