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New Grandchild I might never see

(20 Posts)
italiangirl Fri 21-Jun-19 06:58:04

I have a grandchild who i feel i may never see I'm feeling so sad for my son and my fAmily and wondering how to cope with this.

BradfordLass72 Fri 21-Jun-19 07:39:58

We just have to, don't we? You don't say why you may never see them; perhaps they are far away - you share this with many, many thousands of grandparents who use technology and visits to stay in touch.

If you mean you won't see them because you have a visual impairment - join the club.
It's a long time since I've been able to see people's features (including those of my son and grandchildren) and if a new grand child were to arrive in my family, I certainly wouldn't be able to see it.
But I'd make do with cuddles and count my blessings. smile

Missfoodlove Fri 21-Jun-19 07:41:00


Why may you never see your grandchild?

EllanVannin Fri 21-Jun-19 07:50:20

If the distance is Italy v UK then unless it's health or financial it's no distance at all.

sodapop Fri 21-Jun-19 08:00:46

That's sad italiangirl can you say why you feel this way.

italiangirl Fri 21-Jun-19 08:59:31

I think that the mother is going to deny access to my son and obviously us can't go into any more details .

stella1949 Fri 21-Jun-19 09:58:20

Unfortunately this can happen when the young couple are estranged. I "lost" my two grandchildren for many years when my son's partner left him and denied him any access. It was a very painful time.

All you can do is to keep up your end of the communication - still send birthday and Christmas gifts, let the young mother know that you'd really appreciate having some contact if possible.

Sending you best wishes and I hope that you get a positive outcome from this sad situation.

NainFron Fri 21-Jun-19 10:39:34

Family break ups are so painful. My heart goes out to you, Italiangirl. My husband has a son from his 1st marriage, and whom he had custody of when 1st wife left. But this DS left home at 18 years old and we haven't heard from him since. That was 20 years ago. We?ve heard that he's now a father himself and we will never know the child/children. But daily life takes over, and as with all grief, alrhough it never goes away, it becomes easier to live with. Be kind to yourself. Focus on the good things in your life. x

GoodMama Fri 21-Jun-19 14:56:47

Can you not see your sons child on his custody time?

italiangirl Sat 22-Jun-19 06:44:58

It has not even got to that we know the baby is his,I think that she used him to get pregnant I'm so sad angry and feel cheated of the chance to share in the joy of this little ones arrival .

crazyH Sat 22-Jun-19 11:49:43

How sad.......though I don't want to minimise your pain, can you imagine seeing the baby, getting to know and love him/her and then being denied contact? I can't even bear to think about it. Some GNs have experienced that....there are such sad stories here. I do hope Italiangirl, that things will get better by the time the baby arrives and above all, that the paternity issue will be resolved xx

GoodMama Sat 22-Jun-19 14:22:13

I would recommend contacting a legal professional and getting a court ordered DNA test once the baby is born.
Then he can file with the courts and have rights to his child, which I’m sure he’d allow you visits.
Take heart, all is. It lost.
Mother’s don't get to just run off with their children.
Fathers have rights and as long as he fights for them he will be fine.

paddyann Sat 22-Jun-19 16:16:03

Dont despair ,things often turn out differently from how we think.My sons GF got pregnant when he was just 20 ,her family were happy for him to live with them in a neighbouring town and they are a lovely family so it seemed to be good apart from I wouldn't see her every day and look after her like I did the other GC.Sadly their relationship ended when the wee one was just months old and he came home BUT he brought baby with hhim for half of every week.She'll be 10 at the end of the summer and she's still with us.
His ex can be a nasty piece of work but shes a good mum and she has started recently to be a bit nicer to my son and his new partner which is lovely .My GD is a joy so even iif your son and his GF dont stay together theres every chance you'll get time with baby ,just keep those fingers crossed or pray and you never know .Good luck ,hope it works out for you all .

italiangirl Sun 23-Jun-19 08:42:49

Thank you all it feels such a mess and my heart feels so sore ,I see some of the posts and I know I'm not alone so thank you all for time and kind words

Starlady Sun 23-Jun-19 11:53:27

My heart goes out to you, italiangirl!

IMO, GoodMama gave great advice! DS has to carry it out though. You can't do if for him (you can pay/help pay for the DNA test if he can't afford it).

Do you know for sure that DS and the mum are spltting up? Or do you just suspect it? Has she indicated in any way that she would deny him access? Or are there reasons you know of why she might do that?

Paddyann's story is very inspiring. The fact that a couple splits up doesn't always mean that the dad and his parents lose access to the kids. It may take a while for DS and the mum to sort it all out... Patience...

Tedber Sun 23-Jun-19 16:13:09

I know you don't want to go into any more details and wouldn't ask you but you say you think the mother is going to deny your son access? Do you know the reason for this? (not for us to know, just you)

Sometimes mothers have good reason to deny access. Sometimes they are just being nasty. If the mother adds the father on the birth certificate then he can claim parental rights. Sadly, if she doesn't include him, then I believe your son may have to apply for a parental responsibility order through the courts. He may have to provide DNA proof and be willing to support the child.

I don't know where you are, where the mother is, where your son is but if possible...befriend this woman. Tell her you will be there for her if needs be. Young people often underestimate the help they actually need when they have babies.

Good luck italiangirl.

coleen21 Wed 26-Jun-19 23:47:05

all i can offer is a tech-hug. i am so very sorry for your loss. because that's what it is...a loss.

Starlady Thu 27-Jun-19 11:26:16

Wait.. do we know for sure that Italiangirl is going to be denied access to her GC? It sounds as if she hasn't seen him yet, but also as if she doesn't know if she will or not ... "I have a grandchild who i FEEL i MAY never see" (caps mine for emphasis). That doesn't signify a definite CO (cut off), as far as I can see. A tech-hug is a good idea, anyhow, IMO. But there's still hope Italiangirl may see her GC, after all.

italiangirl Sat 29-Jun-19 10:40:32

Thanks for your support it still.hurts but I'm hopeful that it will improve ,and also for the useful advice it
Is helping me .

Starlady Sat 29-Jun-19 12:43:29

Glad you appreciate the support italiangirl!