Gender stereotypes - what do YOU think?

I'm raising my grandson according to his likes and preferences.
He has a huge box full of toy guns, swords, and so on.
He has always enjoyed traditionally male pastimes, which seems fair enough to me.

I think none of raising GC to be my control. Their parents are raising in gender neutral ways and I think that to be normal.

Pink Lego - why!!! Nature and nurture have a part to play. My DGD until she started nursery was exposed mainly to her cousins, who are boys. She is delighltfully full on and loves monsters and dinosaurs. Once at nursery, and more importantly exposed to her recenlty aquired older stepsister, she has started being much more 'girly'. She still prefers to draw monsters though. However, Mermaids an unicorns are now high on her list of favourite things. DGD have always played with 'masculine' toys. Lego and Imaginext being the favourites. They do have a toy kitchen though - which is well played with. We have a mixture of toys at ours, mainly building, puzzle or craft related. We do have imaginext and a dolls house. All played with by both sexes. I do think sickly, pink wimpy toys with little play value are pushed on girls more now than they ever were. But I do think that overtly pink and sparkly clotes are now seen as a bit 'common' amongst thinking parents. (Gosh that sounds snobby! And I am as common as muck!)

youtu.be/nWu44AqF0iI

Interesting watch.

"A certain amount of gender difference and awareness seems to come automatically to children in the early primary school years without any influence from anyone. "

I agree w/ the first part of this statement, winterwhite, but I'm not so sure about the "without any influence from anyone." I think they're influenced by other children, and there are always one or two whose parents are enforcing certain gender stereotypes. Also, IMO, it's possible your DD3 was just expressing modesty or fear of being laughed at when she worried about her panties showing. And I think that shows an effect of how our society handles gender, also. If she had been a boy and wearing trousers, there wouldn't have been that concern. But she was a girl and wearing a dress or a skirt, hence the issue.

IMO, you (general) need to follow the parents' lead. If they emphasize princesses for girls and trucks, etc. for boys, you can't go against that too much. Well, ok, you could buy books or gender neutral toys, etc. But I wouldn't push a Barbie doll on a GS or a set of trucks on a GD if the parents were against it. Personally, I try to avoid gender stereotyping, but overall, this is part of raising a child and so, a parental decision.

I don't think we can do much about how faith-based societies or very traditional cultures handle these issues. We can pass laws, etc., but they are still going to teach their children what they believe, both by word and example. If the kids see changes happening in the general society, maybe they'll act differently w/ their children. But they might not.

As for accepting a trans child, I think it's great if the family is ok with a boy saying, I am/want to be a girl" or a girl saying, "I am/want to be a boy." But I think we have to avoid jumping to conclusions. If they are little, they may just be expressing jealousy of an "opposite sex" (for want of a better term) sibling or trying to fit into a family that tends to favor men or women (which they shouldn't do, of course). I wouldn't fight it, but I wouldn't rush to start treating the child as trans. If the identification persists, especially as the child nears puberty, then I would begin to see them as trans.

As for my own DGC, I'm happy to say that DD and SIL don't try to force them to fit into any preconceived gener roles. They're given household chores, for example, according to age/ability, not gender. And they're allowed to play w/ both "boys' toys" and "girls'," regardless of gender.

I don't give much thought to gender stereotypes when I buy toys for my DGC. For example, if a GD loves dolls, I'll buy her dolls. If she prefers what traditionally are "boys' toys," I'll get her those. But I don't deliberately buy her either one to try to enforce a stereotype or make sure not to. Same w/ a GS. It's sort of an organic thing for me, just going by what the child enjoys.

That's one of the appalling things about puberty blockers - they prevent development into the adult man or woman you are meant to be.

As a child I played with cars and trains and played Cowboys and Indians with the boys at school. In the summer I lived in shorts. Winters were more difficult because trousers for girls weren't as common in the 50s. I was mad about horses, but hated dolls. Around the age of 10 I started to get interested in dolls and by 13 the hormones had really kicked in and I was as female as anyone could have wanted. Never did become frilly though, I like hippyish clothes but nothing too girly.

We have 3 grandsons so they all get to be treated much the same, but as well as all the boyish toys they all like painting and cake decorating and advising me on what clothes I should be buying.

A certain amount of gender difference and awareness seems to come automatically to children in the early primary school years without any influence from anyone. I can remember DD3 - now in her 40s - when age 6 refusing to practise cartwheels in a field miles from anywhere in case someone saw her pants. That was not uncommon then and isn't uncommon now. It evolves into early modesty that I'd not like to see disappear.

I think science has pretty much proved that female and male brains are no different, and that gender stereotypes are a social concept. I think we are all unconsciously influenced by gender stereotypes to some extent whether aware or not, but there is much more knowledge these days about how this can affect children, both positively and negatively. Many books for kids for example now show both sexes enjoying different roles and jobs. Advertising portrays men and women in more diversified roles, but still have a way to go. My own children are more aware than I was as a parent and make an effort to encourage their children to pursue varied interests not based on gender. Children's friends are influential in promoting stereotypes because children want to fit it with their peers. I think it's probably not so much what we say but our attitude and the role model we give our children and grandchildren and what they see as "the norm" at home that has the biggest influence.

It's interesting how gender roles can change over time, and thus gender stereotyping and cause rifts and differing expectations among generations.

I've seen threads here where the MIL is very offended that her DIL isn't taking on the role of social director for her family. As in, buying cards and gifts for her husbands parents, or reminding him of his parents birthdays, etc.

Comments on the discussion include things like "men aren't good at remembering these things, his wife should do it" and that the DIL is thoughtless and cruel for not doing it for her husband, but her husband (the MIL's own son) is not at all blamed for being thoughtless and not remembering his own mother's birthday.

Posters make comments about how they always did that for their husbands and as a woman their DILs should do the same.

Other posters say the son is able to get him self dressed and to work in the morning, and able to do a good enough job to not get fired, so surely he can remember to buy and send a card for his mom's birthday.

Then posters argue about the rude younger DIL generation and things get heated.

My DS told me that his 5year-old DD has been trying to pee standing up because she 'wants to be a boy'.
I'm sure that is simply because the things she likes are much the same as boys usually like, and she has noticed that.
At 5, she hasn't the faintest idea about being trans or what that would mean in the future.
If she were to change 'wants to be a boy' to 'I am a boy' do you think that should be supported for several years by adults affirming that she is, in fact, a he?
If so, do you think she would arrive at puberty believing anything other than that she has to take medication, bind her breasts tightly and contemplate future surgery, because she is 'in the wrong body'?

Franbern, you clearly disagree with me but that doesn't make what you say fact.
You seem quite confused.
Sexual orientation has nothing to do with gender identity.
Families with two Mummies or two Daddies usually have nothing to do with gender identity.
"hidden trans people in history" may have had nothing to do with gender identity or sexual orientation - how can we know?
They lived in society with rigid gender roles, based on sex, and may well have wished simply to be free of their prescribed role, especially if they were female.

Busy teachers who instantly 'support' a pupil [who] declares themselves trans are most likely unintentionally supporting gender stereotypes that have been imposed on the child.

There are two biological sexes, even in people described as intersex.
There are any number of ways people can present themselves to the world, but these have nothing at all to do with biological sex.

I dont fit into the gender type either, my dad having all girls and no boys taught us diy, electrics, and car and cycle maintenance which in my day was boys stuff. I am still the one who will drill a hole in the wall, put in a new skirting board and do some plastering. My own son can cook, sew and do diy, it comes from the parents.

Farnorth, does not matter than you disagree with the actual fact that there are several different types of genders. Your disagreement does not make it any more fact that there are. Where is any evidence that schools are encouraging children to think of themselves as 'trans' if they show signs of non-usual gender type behavior?
Teachers that I know have little time to carry out all the normal paperwork for their teaching time, let alone have any time for this sort of thing. Yes, if a pupil declares themselves trans then the school will be supportive and helpful (as indeed they should be), but that is all.
There have been so many cases of hidden trans people in history - most of whom we will never know, many of them leading desperately unhappy and unfulfilling lives trying to be the sexual orientation they appeared to have
Thank heaven these days, this sort of sad lives do not need to happen, young people can be what they feel they are, and, YES< this may be different at different times of their lives.
Nobody rushes into surgery - at least not in UK - at a young age - and adolescents have lots of time to try to sort out their gender/sexual confusions.
However, it is so important that the wider areas of society can learn to understand trans people and not treat them with derision or worse.
The young child with two Mummies or two Daddies may well be in a much happier home than another youngster with the more usual Mummy/Daddy set up.
It took a long time to accept single parent families - in the past those children were called horrible names and treated in many cases as pariahs.
We are moving forward - but acceptance of differences is still difficult. That is the reason that this needs to be referred to in schools.

As I have said before, I spent my childhood wanting to be a boy and I certainly did not fit gender stereotypes. I am however, eternally grateful that no one ever suggested I was 'trans' and should become male, because as puberty set in it was quite clear that my gender and sexuality matched.

Because no one ever suggested that I be other than I am. I have been happily married for over 50 years, have children and grandchildren. One of the things I have noticed is how much confusion many transgender people have with their sexuality. Are they gay, straight? Are they both and how do they deal with a hormone system that drives them one way when their transformation and surgery says they are something else.

Yet none of this would be necessary if we did not have gender stereotypes. If we just accepted people as they are and if no one took any notice of what clothes a child chose to wear or who or what they played with, I wonder if these ideas that a child is trans because they do not fit a conventual gender stereotype would go away.

Franbern, I disagree that there are several types of genders.
There are two sexes, whose members should be free to dress and behave however they like as long as it harms no-one else.

Guidance which has been given to schools, however, suggests that boys and girls who do not fit gender stereotypes for their sex may be 'trans'.
Have you looked at youtube videos of happy trans kids and their happy parents?
All of them, that I have seen, rely heavily on gender stereotypes, with some parents saying how they tried to make their child look and act 'boyish' or 'girlish' before accepting the (usually very young) child's statement that they didn't want to be a boy/girl as meaning that the child was trans.
The child then proceeds happily believing that all is well, completely unaware of the implications of medication and surgery that may be in store for them.

Perhaps I had an unusual upbringing but I was totally unaware of any gender stereotyping until I entered the world of work.

My DF was one of 3 boys who had all been well schooled in cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing by my Gran. My mother, brought up in a 2 girl family, with an invalid Mother, was similarly well versed in all aspects of housekeeping + gardening, DIY, etc. Even in their hobbies (ballroom dancing and mixed doubles badminton) they were equal partners. My Mother always worked, freelance when we were wee, so that she could co-ordinate her work with my Father's shift patterns, ensuring that there was always at least one parent at home for us.

My sister and I grew up accustomed to Dad cooking while Mum was the baker, either of them washing, ironing, painting and wallpapering, Although the gardening (fruit and veg) was Dad's domain, with much help from us kids, we all joined in with tattie howking & fruit picking and making pounds of jams and jellies. Both parents could drive so it might be one or t'other who took us on outings, shopping, or going to appointments. (My Dad famously passed out at the Dentists while I was having all my back teeth removed

Dad liked his toys, so it was he who instigated the enormous trainset which we played with for hours all over the living room to mum's annoyance, The home made Doll's House with electric Lighting!, papered, painted, and furnished exactly like our prefab, was, however, a joint effort. We were equally happy in dungarees working at the allotment with Dad or in frilly frocks at one of Mum's famous Children's Parties.

I married young to an 'only son' who had no preconceived notions about differences in what girls/boys did. Consequently our two DDs were as comfortable helping Dad in his joiner's workshop, or me wallpapering, washing the works van, making cakes and jam or going to dance classes/sports training.

I am happy to say that our DDs, now with their own children, 2 girls and (a big surprise) 1 boy, continue to provide a non gender specific childhood where activities across a wide spectrum are encouraged for all, according to their own talents and preferences. As it happens, the boy is the one most concerned with his appearance, hair and clothing and has always been the most cautious of the 3 whereas the girls are devil may care and up for any adventure. But that is just their own personalities, isn't it?

Why do you even think that letting children know that there are several types of genders that this - in any way- encourages or sets them on the road of considering themselves the opposite sex/
This is exactly what was said about Gay people - that they could be taught to be gay. Absolute a and total rubbish, any more than a gay person can be 'taught' NOT to be gay.
But then in the past, we in GB, were also taught that people with a different skin colour were of inferior intelligence (although many had 'good rhythm')!!!
Age appropriate instruction in different home set=ups and the reasons for this can only help to set us on the road of a more tolerant society.......and that is most definitely something that is needed.

My adult daughter recently told me that she appreciates the fact that she and her brother were treated the same - which was not what she saw in other families, while growing up.

I am very worried about the introduction of 'trans awareness' into schools and society in general.
Accepting children as they are shouldn't mean convincing them that they are the opposite sex and setting them on a path to lifelong medication with unknown side-effects.

If I didn't think my son would put an instant contract out on me, I'd post a picture of him and his best friend (both about 8) dressed in my lacies, shawls and jewelry.

I didn't buy them guns but all the other toys, as well as dolls were available to them and they played equally with each.

They made guns from twigs and Lego.

I have not fitted into a gender stereotype for the almost my entire life and i am almost 66. it angered my mum but not my dad and i don't remember anyone else being bothered . I was probably seen as a tomboy. I have a daughter and 5 grandchildren. My daughter was not a girly girl but interestingly her girls are a range of "type". same mum same upbringing but all different.
I was brought up not to be discriminatory because my parents had a lot of hassle for being different religions.
My Dad was a warm emotional person and my mum a cold fish. He was a great cook and washer upper and also fab at DIY.
I wish there was less pink and blue in toys and clothes

In the present my grandchildren seeing my male carer and knowing that men can be nurturing too.
They already live in a world that is not about men's work or women's work but instead people play to their own strengths.

Gosh, I had better tell DH. I am the the grass cutter in our family and always have been.

All the above are very interesting but there’s such a long way to go when a poster on another thread suggests that cutting the grass is the man’s job........

I hope I don't instill any gender stereotypes into my grandchildren. They are first and foremost children, their sex doesn't have any influence on what I do with them or how I talk to them.

In the communities they are all live in I'd say pretty much everyone is onboard with the equality message and also their schools. They see their parents with equal-ranking jobs or in some cases the mother being the main breadwinner so it's a message they've absorbed naturally.

When it comes to clothing there is still a lot of pink and blue, much more so than when mine were young. There are more girls' outfits with so-called 'boyish' things like dinosaurs or wild animals but they're still produced in pink.

Regarding schools, I'd love to see state faith schools of all shades abolished. I think they're divisive and set people apart. If anyone wants a religious education they should have to go private.