granddaughter moving

My daughter and her husband a 4 children live 15 miles away, (in the UK) but because I don't drive, and local buses are scarce it can take me between 1 and 3 hours to get to her. With all 4 children in 4 different schools, a husband who works early hours and all of us with very busy lives, I visit once a fortnight, sometimes more often for school events and concerts, shows etc, (My 11 Yr old GD is a semi professional singer/dancer)
It's an arrangement that suits us and I'm sure that once your son has settled into his new life you'll be able to visit to see their new home, and of course, they can always visit you during school holidays. 3000 miles is a huge distance but maybe you could discuss meeting somewhere in the middle for a long weekend.

I cried buckets when my daughter moved 9 years ago but we've worked out a visiting plan that works for us as you will.

Tears are good, but so are smiles and hugs. So smile through your tears, hug them all then wave them off with your best, (fake) smile, go home and cry into your favourite comfort snack.
Maybe start writing a letter you could send, maybe once a week, to your son fill it with little snippets and photos, just to stay in touch. Send your GD a card or short letter of her own, again with little items of news and the odd photo. Something she can treasure and look forward to.

Theresamb. My youngest also, being married to an Ozzie, plans to live there at some point. They have two simply adorable little boys. I cannot get to see them much though even now due to my own health problems and the damage the builder did to my house has made it too unsuitable to bring children here for the time-being.

I try not to think of it. Life doesn't work out how we imagined it would does it? I'm not being harsh - I'm sympathising! I find people who are in the same boat are those who comfort me most.

I am so glad for that you still have your family near you!

Smurf44. Oh bless you! I also do not see my family although they are not as far away as yours. It is difficult mainly due to my disabilities.

I do feel for you from the bottom of my heart. How strong we have to be as grandparents! I never dreamed for a minute when I was young that it would be hard like this!

I have often said this, and I always say that I know it is not what will work for everybody, but a big comfort to me are my small dogs. They are rescued, so that adds to my feelings of usefulness, and even when they are naughty and inconvenience me, they take me out of myself and lift me up. Obviously I know not everyone is able to keep pets or likes animals so I appreciate it is not the answer for us all.

At least as we talk to each other here we meet the abundance of human kindness and understanding that exists in human nature, and this particular thread is such a warm, kind and loving example of Gransnet, it does fill my heart will hope.

As you so kindly said, Smurf44, I too add my love and best wishes to all grandparents who are living away from their grandchildren and children so don't see them often.

We have each other here!
With love, Elle x ? ?

How I feel for you as although it is the sMe country 3000 miles is a very long way and I expect expensive to travel to. I have had my son living that distance away for years but without grandchildren but that is bad enough.
I think Red1 that England to Ireland is very different as it is actually close enough to get to easily and quite cheaply too. If you needed to make contact you could be there within hours, it is when far away that it is so different. Knowing that you could not get there in an emergency within a day is a horrible feeling.

Bluecat. ???. Bless you!

Oh coleen21 you poor sweet Grandma and Paka! I do hope that since you wrote your deeply moving cry for help that you have started to feel stronger and much more positive and hopeful.

I am very encouraged by the wonderful ideas people have given you and I would like to thank them myself, because I carry a deep sadness about being cut off from my grandchildren through distance and by being disabled.

I can tell you about my very dear friend, herself from the East Coast of the USA, who has lived in the UK all her married life and raised her children here. Her elder child took his three children to the States and has been there with his wife for a long time now. She was like you when they left. But she has remained very close to all the children who live for their holidays. She goes to them and they come to her. She is not wealthy and makes big sacrifices to save for the air fare. They Skype as well and she writes to them. She sends them gifts and often buys what they need via Amazon so the postage is saved. Their relationship is very strong and the children love that she lives somewhere they can visit and go for holidays.

I really like Bradfordlass's idea of letter writing. My third child had to stay with friends while I was ill for two months. She actually asked me on return to keep writing to her! You will be able to make the letters funny and interactive and she will keep them. She will need a box for them of course...

Right now what you are experiencing is something like mourning for the impending loss. But you will come round because it is not a loss. You are still going to be her magical Grandma and Paka! You will find that your relationship will grow stronger and you will manage with the miles. They will become almost meaningless, as you overcome the logistics.

Have faith in yourself and try to be strong for the adventure that is ahead for your dear little one.

We will all be thinking of you. We all feel for you. Let us hold you up with our love and understanding.

Sending you every wish for a perfect solution, strength in your heart, confidence to overcome the miles, and an everlasting close and loving relationship with all your family, from Elle ??‍♀️?

I only have two GC. My DS, DiL and adorable 5 year old GS lived only 1 1/2 hours away and I was lucky enough to spend last Christmas with them plus my 15 year old GD, who had always lived with me due to my DD’s ill health. Just before Xmas my GD decided she wanted to move 700 miles away to live with her mum in Shetland! My heart was broken, but I had to let her go for various reasons, but consoled myself that I could have my dear GS to stay now my GD had moved away. Then my DS announced that they were moving to the Netherlands with his job. I was lucky enough to have my DGS to stay for 3 separate weeks in the last few months, but they finally moved 3 weeks ago, and my heart is broken again. I have no other family and miss both GC dreadfully. My little GS has settled into his new school (he was home schooled in the UK) and is learning Dutch but I just feel lost with only memories to keep me going. The family is so busy exploring their new town we have only done FT once. I don’t travel well, even in the UK and don’t have a current passport. It seems that travelling to the Netherlands is going to be very expensive and take all day, so I really sympathise with the OP but have no answer to our loss. I just feel so sad every time I go into the GCs’ bedroom or see a game we had such fun with or a trip to local attractions I have taken them both to many times. Life goes on, but mine seems to have stopped without family in easy reach. Hugs to all GPs in similar positions.

I live in England so my conception of distance is so different to yours but a few years ago my adult daughter said she was thinking about emigrating to Australia,!
We live just 5 minutes walking distance away from each other.
Since I retired I am a very hands on granny, look after 1yr old 3 times a week and during the school holidays also look after 6 year old.
But when my daughter told me she was thinking about leaving, she assumed I would be able to emigrate too because of my nursing qualification. She didn’t think my age of 60 would be a problem. But I knew my health issues would be a barrier.
So I assured her if that was what she thought was the best for my grandchildren I would support her.
But in private it broke my heart I cried so much. In the end she didn’t go she realisedthe grass isn’t always greener.
But I know it’s so hard, but you have to think what is best for them.

I do feel for you. My daughter and grandchildren live 4000 miles away and I haven't seen them for 5 years, mainly because my health is pretty poor for long distance travel. My advice is to go easy on yourself. Cry, brood, rage or whatever but keep it to yourself. (Don't tell your son.) It will pass - pain eases with time, though it never goes away completely. Hang on in there... You will get through it.

Love the teddy bear idea. My son lives most of year in Fiji from UK, it is about a 36 hour journey which I can't face doing now, having travelled the world. So 3000 miles in the same country is more doable, wish Fiji was only that distance!! Use Skype, it helps and make plans to visit. My daughter is 150 miles away but I visit 3 times yearly which is nice. Do you have a pet because a dog or cat are a comfort when alone and feeling down, although I see you have a hubby. All the best.

Oh Coleen, I do feel for you. My son lives in the USA with two of my grandchildren and I miss them so much. However, we do FaceTime every week and I send them little gifts regularly so that we remain a part of their lives. Also, we save everything we can and try to get to NY at least once a year. It isn’t perfect but it’s better than not having grandchildren. You will find ways of coping and this group can help to support you for many of us are in a similar situation and have a pretty good idea of what you are going through.

Your son announced last week that his move is happening in just 10 days’ time? Is it really believable that from him knowing about this to actually moving is 17 days? He must have known a long time beforehand and simply not told you and the big question you might want to ask is why? What does his wife think about all this? These would be two questions I would want answering if it were me. They can’t fail to see that your relationship with your son and your grandchild will change - so they want that? I think you have to discuss what they envisage as your future relationship and then say what you want - maybe they’d be happy for you to contemplate moving close to them if you have no other family ties where you are now. Is this a work-related move which may be only for a couple of years? I know lots of people who seem to be permanent travellers as a result of one of the marriage partners working in a huge corporate enterprise and they uproot every few years. i would want to get to the bottom of the reason for moving.

Oh how painful!
But there are school holidays - vacation as you call it - when surely her parents will be glad of loving grandparents who can have gd to stay for lovely long stays of a week or more, and as you have a proper relationship with her already she won't find it daunting. And you'll have her all to yourself!

Loads of great advise already given. I feel your pain as my youngest DD and GDs live in Australia.
What about offering to have her for a week or two in the school holidays you could fly over and collect her or vice versa, that way you get to get a chunk of quality time with her just you and her and it gives your DS a break as well.

My DD, S-in-L and tiny children came to live with me for a couple of years. Eventually they found a lovely home of their own and moved 20 minutes away! I felt bereft. I see them, of course, but it’s not the same. But they’re all so happy in their home. I wouldn’t change anything. My son is in the US. I visit him once a year. Modern life is difficult for family relationships just because people are able to take jobs all over the world. Couldn’t you fly to see them regularly and Have the dates in your diaries? FaceTime is wonderful for children. It’s sad for you and I absolutely understand how sad you feel.

So much easier these days than it was when I lived in Oz - we only had letters each week and phone calls once a month!
You can always set up a Skype account so you can talk to them all via a video link and like others have said - it may even be cheaper to fly to see them than the cost of driving a couple of hundred miles.
Love the idea with the teddy bear though!

its a tough time for sure.Here is my advice-2 years ago my son suddenly moved from England to Ireland,the 2 grandchildren went with them.I went through a form of grief ,shock denial etc,my initial reaction was' im going with them'
a neighbours good advice was 'give them a year or so to settle' 2 years on they are settled.Ive been through the usual things, keep busy etc, but I miss them so much,as soon as I find a suitable property, im joining them.Despite all the problems with surviving families,for me its where the heart is...

My family live four thousand miles away and it was their choice .You get used to it and technology which I am thankful for allows us to communicate twenty four seven and air travel although it can be tiring gives me the option to visit.

Well I have to brace myself next week when my D goes back to Oz because I know it could be the last time I'll hug her. I'm not fit enough now to do the distance and the family won't be visiting again in the near future, but I just have to accept this and live with it.

I feel for you Coleen21. Of course it will be hard. Perhaps you can add their new address for a regular holiday destination. Just let them know (not too dramatically) how you feel and think as positively as you can. Good luck.

Each time you visit them or them you, book the next visit in each other’s diaries otherwise it’s easy for time to slip by. That way you always have a next time to look forward to.

I understand what other posters say about them having their own life etc., but I also feel that your son and DIL have to accept that you have feelings too and accommodate your desire to see them regularly in their new life.

Start saving so that you can afford to hop over there as often as possible. In the fullness of time, maybe you might decide to move closer to them?

I'm still old fashioned enough to believe in snail mail in addition to all the tch ways of keeping in touch.

My youngest grandson (10) loves getting mail, so I write him stories, or letters or send him a list of silly jokes.

There are also some great games online for younger children and you could send links.

My grand-daughter, now working in London, grew up with this site.
boowakwala.uptoten.com

Face time and Skype are great and very useful if your DGD is happy to use them but my distant DGDs (7 and 11) loose interest and wander off after a few minutes so don’t expect long meaningful conversations!

I worked out that I actually see as much, if not more of my distant DGC than I do of the ones who live closer. This is because they come to stay two or three times a year. My DGD time with them is just much more concentrated. When they come we do more and go out more and talk more. It’s a different relationship. Not better or worse, just different.

Your GD is 6 and has had you in her life on a daily basis so you've already built up that early bond which won't be forgotten. Yes it will be hard but internal flights in the US seem to be much easier to do that transatlantic flights so I'm sure you'll still be able to get together. Face Time on a regular basis and send her a couple of books keeping a copy for yourself so you can read to her as she looks at hers - a tip someone gave me when my son emigrated to NZ.

To begin with her new life will be full of excitement and you might think you've been left behind but you will adjust - don't forget your son will also need to get used to a new job as well as this move and will miss you both too. Be happy for them and cry when no one's watching.

luckygirl, great ideas!

she loves stuffed animals, so we're giving her our favorite teddy bear, a soft cuddly guy and we're spending the next 10 days hugging and kissing it so her bear will be full of grandma and paka hugs and kisses. then when she needs a hug or kiss she can grab Cubbins.

Tell her how exciting it is that they are starting a new life and how much you are looking forward to skyping her/sending and receiving letters/hearing her news on the phone etc.

Let her make some suggestions about fun ways of keeping in touch - I don't know, sending each other pictures of different animals A-Z; sending photos of her new bedroom; seeing who can think of the silliest names for dolls......etc.

And make her a personal present for her bed - pj case, embroidered pillow case, new nightie etc. - and tell her that every time she uses them you will be sending her a goodnight kiss.

Lots of silly stuff like that.