granddaughter moving

Our 3 grandchildren were born in Australia while we were in the UK. It's tough ! but we visited a few times and have eventually retired and upped and moved to Oz ourselves. DD is an only child and the lifestyle is unbeatable. In the years we were apart we Skyped regularly but the time difference is awkward and as someone said earlier, the kids lose concentration and want to watch the Teletubbies :-) It helped me (& them) tremendously to pack up small items to post to them, I loved thinking up ideas for them and they loved the postie bringing stuff from Nanna :-) a colouring book, a lollipop, a comic, pyjamas........Keep your chin up, try to visit, she may be able to come to you on her own soon:-)

I feel your heartbreak. Two of my children had emigrated to Australia from the UK and their babies were born out there. My DH and I would seriously considered moving out too if it not were two more children and GCs in the UK. We did calculate that out of days in the year we actually saw more of the ones in Australia - it was just concentrated into a couple of months. Happily they have emigrated back and we see them every day. This might happen to you. However, you just have to make the best of the situation as it is and cry in private. It’s so unbelievably hard and I so feel for you.

Coleen21, Starlady gives some wonderful advise on moving forward. I agree, don’t torture yourself with constant reminders. Be kind to yourself.

There is quite a bit of surprising and unwise advice on here regarding contact with your son and his family.

My suggestions to you are given with your best interest at heart.

The biggest and most important nugget is to let them miss you.

Please, do not visit them uninvited.

Do not immediately setup a weekly FaceTime schedule. They are a young family moving to a new homes and city. All of that and what it brings is stressful. Exciting, yes, but very stressful. Let them find their way and enjoy this time.

Be careful about expecting babysitting time with their daughter when you are invited to visit. Please don’t pin all tour hopes on this. It’s quite possible they will jump at the chance and be grateful. It’s also possible they will not be comfortable with the idea of being voluntold to leave their home and daughter so someone else can have alone time with her. That is not to say there is anything untoward going on. Just that they might wish to visit with you as a family.

I agree with Starlady that it’s a little peculiar that they told you with such short notice. Possibly to spare you feelings and a long drawn out emotional goodbye. It’s also possible all of this came together rather quickly. It’s also possible they are looking forward to building a life just the three of them.

It’s wonderful they were comfortable with you having a room at your home dedicated for their daughter and that they allowed her to spend time there.
But don’t let this room become a shrine or painful reminder. Again, I agree with Starlady, turn it into something fun for you!

Give them space. Manage your expectations of them and your relationship with them moving forward. Things will no doubt be different. But it will be lovely in this new chapter if you allow it to be.

Just caught this: "Your son announced last week that his move is happening in just 10 days’ time? Is it really believable that from him knowing about this to actually moving is 17 days? He must have known a long time beforehand and simply not told you and the big question you might want to ask is why?"

Probably b/c they knew you would be upset. But it might be b/c he didn't know for sure until very recently, especially if there's a job issue involved (you didn't say). Regardless, I wouldn't question them about it. Obviously, the move affects you, but I wouldn't make it about you. Focus on them, the exciting new life they're going to have, and getting in those cuddles w/ GD, etc. As others have said, do your crying and questioning when they're not around.

My heart goes out to everyone here who has been separated from their AC and GC (or GGC) by distance, etc. especially if you don't get to see/talk to them that often. EllenVannon, I'm so sorry your health won't let you visit your DD and family anymore. I don't understand why they can't still visit you, but I'm so sorry that's what's happening. I hope you can still keep in touch through FaceTime, etc.

Smurf, bless you for being there for GD when she needed you! It must have been quite a shock when she decided to move to live with her mum! But I think you were very wise not to try to stop her. But now to have DS and family move on top of it all! No wonder you are heartbroken! And yet you are kind enough to take the time to empathize with others in similar situations. You seem like a great person, and I'm sure they know that and miss you.

I'm sorry that FT isn't working out so well w/ DS and family. But, in time, as they settle in more, I'm sure it will. Eventually, you may be able to work out a schedule where you do FT once a week or something like that, even if just for a few minutes. Are you "friends" w/ them on FB or any other social media? Then, at least, you may be able to follow their activities by seeing pictures, etc. I know that's not like being with or speaking to them but, IMO, better than nothing.

"I just feel so sad every time I go into the GCs’ bedroom or see a game we had such fun with..."

I know you didn't ask for advice, Smurf, so skip this if you're not interested. But perhaps you need to get rid of the old games or put them somewhere you don't see them so easily (to save for visits). And maybe it's time to change the GC's room into something else? A den? A library? You can keep a bed in there in case one of them visits, but perhaps you'd feel better if the room was repurposed, overall? Maybe not. Just a thought.

Also, I'm sorry you don't have any other family, but perhaps you could get more involved with friends or volunteer activities? Nothing will completely fill the void you are feeling, I know, but it might help a little. Hugs!

Also, I'm sorry about your estrangement from your daughter. Perhaps that's affecting your feelings about DS' move. I'm glad the posts here have made you feel better. Also, please keep in mind the 2 situations are very different.

Collen, I feel for you deeply. IMO, you have been given a lot of good advice. I just want to add that you might want to look into the record-your-voice books on Amazon. You can record yourself reading a story and send it to little GD. These books are very expensive, IMO, but I bet she'd love feeling as if you were right there reading to her. Of course, you'd have to check with the parents first. They might think it's "weird" to have someone's voice in the house w/o the person, IDK. Another idea - to keep GD's attention while on Skype - is to read her a story while skyping if you would enjoy that.

Also, I agree with GoodMama that it's not wise to show up uninvited. Even more so, IMO, when you have to travel 3000 miles to do it and would probably be hoping for an extended stay. But when you are invited, I agree with the poster who said to offer to stay w/ GD while the parents get to go out, etc. Fun for all! But please be prepared to accept it if they decline the offer.

Also, I agree with the poster who said not to rush to move near DS and family b/c they might move again. Imagine if you move there and, a year or so later, there's another sudden announcement about their moving again!

I know this is hard for you and Paka, right now, but I'm sure you'll adjust and find new ways to connect w/ DS and GD. As for GD, please take heart - she probably isn't that aware of the passage of time. Whether she sees you in person every three weeks or a couple of times a year won't mean as much to her as the good times you'll have when you do visit. No doubt, she'll cry when you leave, etc., but soon be back to her other activities. As for you and Paka, maybe you can keep a journal or photo album of your visits that you'll work on each time as soon as you get home or she leaves your home.

About the suggestion to wait to call - good advice, but if you're on FB and so are DS/DIL, you may get to see pix of their new home and their family moving in, etc. People take "selfies" of so many things today. They might not, but it's worth taking a look, IMO.

You WILL get through this, I have no doubt. Hugs!

Some very wise advice above. Send them off with a smile. Meanwhile, set up Skype.

That should read 5,000 miles!

The problem with moving to follow family is that you can never be sure that they won't move on again. We left England to come to Australia and be with our DD, SIL and DGC. After 4 years they moved to Africa, they did come back after 2 years, but are now on the other side of the country 5,00 miles away. It costs a lot to move in Australia as stamp duty and estate agents fees are very high. I recently lost my husband and so I feel their absence even more.
Yes, visits are fine, but I find that I need to save all my money for visits and don't have money to spend on going away anywhere else.

When I was six, we moved to California from Minnesota and I was heartbroken that I wouldn't see my grandparents as much. 30 years later I had to move away from a town where I'd made a lifelong friend and was worried we'd drift apart. In both cases I think I ended up feeling closer to the people that I loved because when we got together we spent long periods of quality time together and in between we called, wrote letters and so on. I'm as sentimental and attached as they come but it truly worked out OK. Oh, and when I graduated, I went on my own to see my grandparents and stayed close to them, visiting frequently until my grandma passed at home at 102! Hugs to you, Coleen! <3 <3 <3

You know, when I read about people thinking their lives are coming to an end without seeing their grandchildren, I just wonder why they don't seem to have any lives of their own. Why does their happiness revolve around others? Surely happiness and fulfilment come from within. To depend on others places an unfair burden on them. If you have good relationships with your family, you are very lucky, so enjoy the good times, keep in touch, and get on with making a life of your own. Enough with the self pity! Give thanks for what you have! I expect I will get a lot of flak for posting this, but I honestly struggle to sympathise.

Three of my five children have lived in Australia for 5, 11 and 20 years. I visit every 2 years, and stayed for 3 months when my GD, now 2, was born.
We are all going over to Oz in November, for DD’s wedding. I will be 80 then, and don’t know how many more times I will be able to endure the interminable journey.
I miss them all so much. I FaceTime with little GD and family at least twice a week. She thinks that I live in the phone! I wonder how she will react when I turn up ‘in the flesh?’ I can’t wait for a proper cuddle instead of a blown kiss!
This is the life that they have made for themselves over there, and I just have to make the best of it. I am glad that they all take time to chat with me - though the time difference makes it awkward. At least, unlike Colleen, I also have family nearby, and am glad to see them often.
I hope that you will adapt to your new circumstances,
Colleen, and find new ways to fill the gap in your lives. Other Grans have made lots of suggestions on ways to cope with the separation, so I just wish you well.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coleen21,
I’m glad to hear you are feeling better.

There are a lot of commiserating stories on here so know you are not alone. But I do wish there was more supper and uplifting spirited advice vs what you are getting.

This is no time to wallow.

Jump back in to your life with you DH. Plan something fun and maybe even a little romantic for the two of you. Have that to look forward to.

Whatever you do DO NOT “Do the mother thing. Turn up for a few days stay. Offer to babysit so they can have time out. That way you get little one all to yourself for cuddles x”

Never, ever turn up uninvited. That would be by far the worst thing you could do. For yourself and for your relationship with your son.

When he calls you, give him time to miss you keep the call light and short. Ask about him, his job, the house, DIL and their daughter. Keep it short and sweet.

Do the mother thing. Turn up for a few days stay. Offer to babysit so they can have time out. That way you get little one all to yourself for cuddles x

My daughter headed off to New York 8 years ago from the UK and the last things she said to me at the airport was ' Don't worry Mum, it's only for a year" 8 years on she has re-located to San Francisco and has our only grandchild. I feel that I am missing so much even though we use Facetime a lot and I make frequent trips out there. Everytime I see a gran out shopping with their grandchildren I have to hold back the tears. It will be difficult but try maintain the relationship with you DS, Dil and GC through the varied apps you can get these days. I am not sure of which coast you live on but it must be about 4 hour time difference? If so then perhaps you could arrange bedtime stories etc.

So sad for you. I know I couldn't bear it if my grandkids moved so far away. Is there any chance you could move too?
If not, Skype or FaceTime with her several times a week. Send regular mail and set up an annual week or two that you spend with her to give parents a "break." Make it the same week annually so her parents and you can count on it and there's no confusion.

So sorry you are feeling so sad, that is understandable but as many others have said you are still in the same country and there will be budget flights avsilable you will see them more often than you think. There is Skype face time etc. so many wonderful ways to keep in touch so please dont fret anymore see this as a wonderful opportunity for you Don and his family, and in a few years you will be looking forward to your Granddaughtet visiting on her own . Be Happy for them and you WILL survive sending hugs?

My great grand children live 180 miles away and I rarely see them because I can no longer travel and they are busy living their lives. However my son and granddaughter regularly Message me and send photos and we have FaceTime.
Years ago when we lived on the Continent we only saw our grandchildren once a year and in those days there were no mobile phones or computers so had to rely on “snail” mail.
As a child I only saw my grandparents once a year.
It is so much easier to keep in touch nowadays.

Good advice from. layla about booking the next visit in each time you go so you have something to look forward to. Also can you agree a date for your first trip before they leave so you know when you will next see them.?
I understand how you feel. When my DD moved abroad I couldn't help myself from crying and although I knew I was being irrational it almost felt like a bereavement. But I ended up seeing lots of her and her family we had some really lovely visits and in fact I miss those trips and their visits now she and her family have moved back nearer to us again!
Good luck and enjoy this new chapter in your lives

Have you thought about the burden you put on your children by making them so central to your life?

Try to give them a break and enjoy seeing them when they feel they can give you time.

Look for another interest to focus on and give you something useful to do, to keep up your spirits and to talk to your GS about when you see her,

I get where you're coming from OP. My dgs and dgd are only 6 and 3 and I get called upon to babysit and involved generally, as they live nearby. Luckily my ddil treats me and her own DM equally. I was 61 when dgs arrived and we're very close, but I'm conscious that they will grow up and then I won't be needed in the same way. It's the price we pay. As others have said, there's Skype (which seems to be a boon), Christmas and holidays.

Is there no chance you and DH could follow them over to the other side of the country?

Take heart. Yes you’ll miss them dreadfully but you’ll soon get a new routine. 6 of my 8 Grandchildren live overseas. We get to visit them, there’s FaceTime which is wonderful, there are phone calls. The world isn’t such a big place these days!!

I feel your pain...x

Offer to sit with the GC when the children go on vacation. You can also meet them halfway between both coasts for a family vacation. This is what my friend does in addition to the grandkids coming to visit her on school vacations. It has worked out well for her. But I do feel your pain.