Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Son’s Graduation

(23 Posts)
EllieB52 Wed 10-Jul-19 11:55:20

This wonderful event is coming up soon. As both of his parents are now in different marriages a dilemma has arisen. He is only allowed 4 tickets for guests. One will go to his wife (of course) which leaves three between four people! Again his natural parents (me and his dad) will have tickets. Both step-parents want to go (although I suspect with my husband it’s a bit of a dog-in-a-manger response and if a golf game came up he’d go to that). My husband has said he would give up his ticket but I would get the martyr syndrome for ages after that. I might even be accused of excluding him. It’s making my son consider not going to his own graduation. He is going to see if he can get an extra ticket but not hopeful. Any thoughts.

leyla Wed 10-Jul-19 11:58:59

Draw lots - that way it's scrupulously fair.

SirChenjin Wed 10-Jul-19 12:05:25

Wait and see if he can get another ticket and if not, suggest you draw lots for the step parents

Septimia Wed 10-Jul-19 12:56:50

Some universities do have last minute tickets when they know exactly how many people have taken up the original issue. It's worth asking.

Some universities film the ceremony and show it live on a big screen in another room so that there are more seats available and they provide tickets for that for that. Then more of the family can be at the university that day.

Many universities film the ceremony and stream it live on the internet. Any family or friends who want to share the day could watch that together and then be joined by those who went to the ceremony (or just the graduate) for a celebration afterwards.

One way or another, I hope you have a great day.

notanan2 Wed 10-Jul-19 13:08:02

Buy 5. Loads of other people do despite the "restrictions". They wont turn you away on the day and lots of people dont go to their graduation so theres always empty seats.

notanan2 Wed 10-Jul-19 13:08:46

Or else buy 3: wife & 2 parents.

I wouldnt have 1 step parent and not the other

kittylester Wed 10-Jul-19 13:16:14

Quite! notanan

Doodle Wed 10-Jul-19 13:23:59

If only 4 are available then I think neither step parent should go. If there is a spare ticket, is there a grandma or grandad or best friend who could have the spare ticket?
I think both sets of parents step and otherwise should think seriously about spoiling this day for their son/step son and get their act together.

EllanVannin Wed 10-Jul-19 13:55:16

When my nephew graduated his parents were divorced and my ex SiL wouldn't get my brother ( the boy's dad ) a ticket so brother and myself sat at the back of the room in the Liverpool cathedral and said nothing. Way to go !

eazybee Wed 10-Jul-19 15:00:00

One for his wife, one for his mother and one for his father, no one else at the ceremony.
All meet up together afterwards with step parents for a celebration meal.
How can step parents cause so much fuss that the graduate is thinking of missing his own graduation because they are upset?

stella1949 Wed 10-Jul-19 15:00:27

To me it should be wife and the young man's parents. Not step parents . It's the graduate's day, not the oldies !

quizqueen Wed 10-Jul-19 16:53:10

Unless the graduate has been bought by a step parent from a very young age and considers them equal in status to a parent, I think it's best if only (blood) family relatives like a sibling or grandparent should attend with the extra ticket. It's probably better to just apply for 3 tickets and leave all the 'steps' at home.

sodapop Wed 10-Jul-19 17:16:40

Good idea eazybee just three tickets and everyone meet for a meal later. It's a shame to turn this into such a drama and spoil the occasion for the graduate

Tedber Wed 10-Jul-19 17:49:51

This is always a problem with so few tickets available and lots of 'four parent' families these days! I agree with stella1949 - just keep it simple....wife and mother and father. Don't invite a fourth person then nobody can feel left out (unless there is a single granny on the scene perhaps?). As someone else says, arrange to meet up for a celebration later on. Above all remember it is your son's day.

T.B.H...I have attended quite a few 'graduation ceremonies' (large family) and they can be quite boring - until your child appears for 20 seconds! You just keep clapping and clapping..... hahaha Not putting a dampner on it in any way. It is a very special occasion - for the graduates.

Deedaa Wed 10-Jul-19 18:24:49

DD was only allowed two tickets when she got her PhD and her husband stayed outside while DH and I attended the ceremony. His argument was that we had supported her through her whole education while he'd only been there for the last three years.

EllieB52 Wed 10-Jul-19 21:37:56

Thanks for comments everyone. It hasn’t got to a serious discussion as yet - still the elephant in the room for now.

SpringyChicken Wed 10-Jul-19 22:22:29

Your son needs three tickets, not four. Only his wife and natural parents to attend. Shame on your husband if he acts the martyr.

Tangerine Wed 10-Jul-19 23:47:32

As others have said, just parents and wife need to go.

If you really want the other ticket used, why not draw straws or something similar to decide which step-parent goes?

It would probably be easier if both step-parents agreed not to go.

Goodbyetoallthat Thu 11-Jul-19 01:34:00

I agree with previous posters, wife, mum & dad go to the graduation ceremony & then book a meal for everyone afterwards.
I am a bit hmm that it has got to the stage of your son considering not attending his own graduation because of this!

Bordersgirl57 Thu 11-Jul-19 07:51:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harrigran Thu 11-Jul-19 08:57:14

DS did not attend his graduation ceremony at his London university.
We went to DD's with her DH, she received a double first and that was something to celebrate.
When my sister graduated I came back from France to attend the ceremony with her DH.
I wouldn't be falling over myself to attend another.

Hithere Sun 14-Jul-19 03:51:25

What does your son think about this elephant in the room?
Who does he want there at his graduation?

genie10 Sun 14-Jul-19 07:28:34

The natural parents should be the ones to attend the actual ceremony. it is only an hour or so and the other two could wait in the foyer or waiting area as lots of other friends and relatives do and then meet up for a meal. There is usually a screen showing the ceremony for them to watch and you do get a good view of it all from there. The poor lad will only be on stage for two minutes but will be anxious and doesn't need more stress from step parents.