You're married and...

I hated changing to my husband's surname when we married in the seventies. I liked my surname and didn't like his. I'm still having to spell it out to people. However I've learned to live with it. I don't like the way I can't find old friends on facebook because they've all got married and changed their names. It seems to me that a woman loses her identity when she marries.

I am now married to the man I was in love with when we were at school - but we had both gone our separate ways, married and had children, before both getting divorced. At school I had his name and mine scribbled all over my jotter, with things like "Boyfriend and Gizzy Hisname" and "Mrs Gizzy Hisname". I'd really wanted to marry him.

I was proud of my short simple surname and didn't that much care for my first married name, though I'm happy that my children have it. But I'd had a career as Gizzy Me and preferred to keep it and over the years more and more documents reverted to that name. Husband #1 even got to accept being addressed as "Mr Me" (as indeed has husband #2).

The thing is, my current DH has a beautiful surname but people often can't spell it. I'm a teacher. My own name only has three letters and children can spell it. I got married while I was teaching in school and our wedding picture was in the paper. When I got back to school after half-term, children had written on the board "welcome back Mrs Lovely name" with some big spelling errors. So I'm MRS Me as I'm clearly a married lady with kids.

In Scotland was the usual custom to take the man's name. A lot of people though are given a surname as a middle name, can be from Father 's or Mother's side of the family. Think it originally may have been to recognise a 'clan' name hence older folk are inclined to to have what we would call a surname as a middle name. For wedding birth death announcements the females surname was always uncluded eg death of Claire Fraser (nee McDonald) and was shown on gravestones. Nowadays feel sorry for the children in families where there are different fathers other than the children all have the mother's surname. So much for giving children consistency and security if your brothers or sisters all have different names. Traditionalist me always been Mrs.

I took my husband's surname when I married him and changed back to my birth surname (I hate the term 'maiden' name) when I divorced him. I'm now also Ms or Miss, not Mrs (which I also hate). If I were ever to marry again - which I very much doubt - I wouldn't change. It took ages to get everything sorted to my birth surname - bank details, new will, and lots more besides - but it was worth it to get rid of everything associated with my ex-husband and his family. We had no children together, so his surname is forever erased from my life. I think that in these days of equality, women shouldn't feel they have to be known by their husbands' surnames when they marry - they're not possessions. And men shouldn't take it for granted that their new wives will make the change.

Someone I know was married yesterday. From being a Potter, she became a Nutter!
I took my husband’s surname when we married, 54 years ago, but would have thought twice about becoming a Nutter, I think.

I am married therefore I am a Mrs
I haven't taken on my husband's surname. He asked if I wanted him to take on mine as it is quite unusual.
We discussed pros and cons for changing. Due to both of us being older (2nd for both ) and well established in our careers neither changed
My daughter in law has kept her maiden name as again she is well established in her profession
My grandson has my son's surname
Though many years ago we were applying for a mortgage our bank was concerned (!!!) That we had said we were married but had different names.

When I married for the 2nd time I kept my 1st (late) husband's name because here in Italy women keep their own name when they marry. The children of the marriage take their fathers name. As all my accounts and passport were in my 1st married name it was easier than reverting to my maiden name. Also H's 1st wife still uses his name!!

No perfect way round this. Changing name rejects your family of origin and results in losing contact with childhood friends. Today I'd go hyphenated.

I just use my Christian name and surname with no prefix and have done all my life. No problem. Mischieviously my Christian name could refer to either gender so although I am female letters etc. are often addressed to "Dear Sir" which makes me smile. Why should it matter either personally or professionally, and as a teacher it has not been a problem for the last 40 years.

I am divorced but always kept my maiden name when married. Disliked Ms so used Miss if needed. My children have my surname as a middle name

Didn't have a good relationship with my Dad, nor his family, so was only too happy to give up my maiden name and take my husband's. And I adopted Mrs because, in my opinon, every woman when she reaches 18 should automatically go from Miss and become a Mrs - just as men transition from Master to Mr. Mrs = a shortened form of Mistress, which used to mean a mature woman (nothing to do with marriage). If we'd done that decades ago, wouldn't have had to invent Ms.

Interesting range of responses. Attitudes are changing. It's the title I am struggling with. If you keep your birth name, would you be Mrs. Birth name, generally speaking Mrs indicates marriage and the surname who you are married to. So I am thinking that the title would be Ms. birth name, not Mrs birth name. If you see what I am saying! Although it seems that there are no customs to support any course of action.

I've always been Ms - it covers all the bases .

When I remarried 10 years ago I kept my former name ( ie the same name as my adult children ) since that had been my name for 30 years and I saw no reason to change. My current DH has no problem with that either - I don't think he has ever thought about it. That is just my name, and the name of my children and grandchildren.

50 years ago I tried to keep my maiden name when I married, but got bogged down in a morass of problems and doubts about the legality of what I wanted to do, so in the end I gave up.

I envy my DDiL's assumption that she would continue to be known by her birth surname after her marriage to DS, a decision which I wholly support.

when my daughter remarried her children from her first marriage were upset they had a different name from her so she had t shirts and sweatshirts made for them all with the initial of their surname which was the same .They call themselves Clan B .Whe their dad remarried his daughter was uoset and angry that his new wife had HER name .Its important to some and we should respect that a name means a lot whether its your dads or some other mans

I was (still am) happy to be a Mrs and take my DH’s name....
It’s a lovely name ? I will always keep it ( and the Mrs too.)

RosieLeah - what’s the difference between “an old maid” and “very attractive women who want nothing to do with men” ?.

annepl - it isn’t only a name though is it?

I do think its strange to keep Mrs post divorce. I would assume re-married. Think its fine if widowed.

I was glad to get married and take my husband's surname. I hated mine. I am married again. But I haven't changed my name totally . I hate the thought of medical records getting confused or bank details etc. For social events I use my husband's surname. But its so hard to get used to another name. When we go to hotels or theatre etc quite often we can't remember who booked and under what name and once in Gatwick airport I nearly wasn't allowed on the plane as I had brought my Irish passport which was in my new surname. Luckily I had my driving licence.
I think its simpler if both people have the same surname when possible. Its only a name.

When a friend of mine got married her husband took her name. She had an unusual french name and wanted to keep it going. His name was a very ordinary english one that she didn't want. This was 30 years ago so was unusual then.

Yes, Gonegirl...I have known several very attractive women who have chosen to have nothing to do with men. Perfectly understandable!

I have always been happy to be a Mrs, although I have been a widow for nearly 3 years. I grew up in an age where you automatically took your husband`s surname, but I would have wanted to anyway. And I still wear my wedding and eternity rings.

Isn't it more about choices these days?

Do "old maids" actually exist?

In these days of equality, it seems old-fashioned for the bride to take her husbands name. However, I was legally married and all my children are legitimate and have the same father. Therefore, although I am now divorced I am still Mrs L. I am making a statement...I may be single but I'm not an old maid.