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Worrying as a Grandma

(55 Posts)
nanachel Tue 13-Aug-19 06:26:40

Am I the only one that worries about their grandchildren? I worry about them going back to school. I worry about their health. I worry about their health. Besides prayer, how do you control your worry?

clementine Thu 22-Aug-19 18:03:31

I worry about my grandchildren if they are ill, which thankfully is rare. I find I worry more about their parents !

hapgran Wed 14-Aug-19 13:02:32

Thank you, bradfordlass, that is lovely. I had heard parts of it before but not the whole thing. Wise words indeed.

Aepgirl Wed 14-Aug-19 09:06:29

Of course we all worry, but they have their lives to lead, as do their parents, and you just have to be positive and encourage them.

BradfordLass72 Wed 14-Aug-19 03:41:56

Rosina You reminded me of Desiderata (Latin: 'things wanted or needed').

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery but let this not blind you to what virtue there is. Many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.

Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune but do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

By Max Ehrmann © 1927

So many wise words in there.

MissAdventure Wed 14-Aug-19 01:08:42

Yes, still dealing with it.
Thank you.

Urmstongran Tue 13-Aug-19 23:49:01

As you had to MissA
When life throws you that awful curve ball that you cannot dodge.

Pjm55 Tue 13-Aug-19 22:30:46

Canalboatgranma I am so sorry. I have just read your post. I must have missed it. My heart breaks for you. My concerns are nothing compared to what you must be going through.i am sorry. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Pjm55 Tue 13-Aug-19 22:27:25

I have 2 beautiful gch. I look after my gd full time while her mum and my son work. My gs lives with his mum in the midlands as the relationship with my eldest son broke down. I only get to see him once every 2 weeks. Every day I am consumed with worry. I worry about whether I am providing a happy environment for my gd with everything she needs to develop. I know in my heart that she is happy but it doesn’t stop me from worrying. I take her to a baby club twice a week and for a walk every day. I love her to death. I am physically and mentally exhausted by the end of every day. I miss my gs terribly and worry about him being upset when he comes to stay with us. He is only 6 months old. I worry about the future and how my son will cope with only seeing his baby once a fortnight. I can’t help the way I am but I am concerned that my anxieties are affecting my health. I know exactly what other people mean when they say that they worry. I would welcome any advice that anyone would be kind enough to offer me.

sodapop Tue 13-Aug-19 21:36:36

canalboatgranma that is terrible news for you all. I hope you find the strength and courage to help each other through this. thanks

Doodle Tue 13-Aug-19 21:24:40

nanachel. Funny you should start this thread today. I worry about mine all the time but have been really bad recently as one of mine is going through a rough patch. I can’t seem to get my mind to focus on anything else.
I too pray for mine all the time. I often think God must be fed up with me.
I was interested to read all the replies and will try and take on board some of the comments.
canalboat I am lost for words. What a sad place to be in. Your little GD has you but I hope you have support too. 💕

SueDonim Tue 13-Aug-19 19:38:13

Canalboatgranma that certainly puts things into perspective. I am so sorry, I can't imagine what you're all going through. flowers

blondenana Tue 13-Aug-19 19:19:38

Canalboatgranma so sorry that is a real worry, poor little girl

GagaJo Tue 13-Aug-19 17:34:10

Canalboatgranma, I have no words. Just ❤️ Thank goodness your GD has you.

Canalboatgranma Tue 13-Aug-19 17:25:12

My concern for my 2 year old GD is that her mother has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. The thought that she will only have her mother for another 12 months is heartbreaking.

EthelJ Tue 13-Aug-19 17:23:39

I worry about mine all the time. Are the happy, why are they being so grumpy? Is it a developmental blip or is there something wrong? If they have a cold I worry they might have a chest infection. When we take them to the park and they climb I worry they might fall. But I try to keep it all to myself and not let it affect them or my DD.

GagaJo Tue 13-Aug-19 17:00:46

I worry about grandsons education. I'm a teacher. In the uk, schools are being drained of money by academies, so they can make profits thanks to greedy Tory policies. There is no special educational needs provision. Class sizes are getting bigger. His mum is not too worried which isn't great. Parents have to be involved and vigilant these days to ensure their children are well educated.

paddyann Tue 13-Aug-19 16:42:56

I worry about my AD's children as they help care for her due to her chronic health problems .They get stressed and hse doesn't have the patience that she always had before she was ill.

They do contact me almost daily and let me know how they are an dwhats happening in their lives..even the 16 year old and I'm very grateful for that but it doesn'tstop me worrying about them when their mum is having an awful time and they have ,in my opinion ,too much to deal with as children .

GoodMama Tue 13-Aug-19 15:48:29

Lots of good advice here.

Worrying about specific issues or crisis is a natural part of loving someone.

Worrying about other people’s children in general, all the time is a need for control and validation that is not healthy.

DIL17 Tue 13-Aug-19 15:42:25

@Nanachel Don;t take this the wrong way but it sounds like you need to take a step back!

Worrying is normal IF there have been issues, but if they're fine and well and their parents are doing a great job then why worry?

MissAdventure Tue 13-Aug-19 15:22:01

No, I don't worry, because even if the very worst did happen, then I would just have to get on with it as best I could.

Philippa111 Tue 13-Aug-19 14:45:07

Hi Nanachel. Of course you worry but it’s the degree to which you worry that’s the issue here. If it’s affecting your health .. tension headaches, high BP , insomnia etc then I would suggest trying some form of meditation . There are lots of free instruction led meditations on YouTube or there are free apps too. Try Thich Nhat Hanh or anything else that you feel drawn to. There may also be a free group near where you live. I am a born worrier and meditation has really helped me to take my mind off things that trouble me ( I can very easily obsess about them) I have learned how to choose which thoughts I want to have. At the end of the day I am powerless over the lives of those I love. I can be supportive but I can’t alter the course of their lives and I know unsolicited advice AKA interfering gets their backs up. Good luck.

blondenana Tue 13-Aug-19 14:17:53

I worry if there is something to worry about,if not i don't
I think sometimes some garandmas forget they are their childrens children and treat them as of they are their own
My son had a relationship with someone, for 8 years, but as soon as her daughter had a baby he was forgotten about,
She spent all her free time at her daughters,and the relationship failed, they never had time together
Now her daughter uses her for babysitting and working and really any excuse to palm the baby off, while she goes out

Rosina Tue 13-Aug-19 14:00:48

So often I have to take a deep breath and tell myself that 'the world is unfolding as it is meant to', and remember that worrying does nothing except wreck the present. If you are a worrier it is so difficult to not see danger and concern everywhere - I do sympathise.

SueDonim Tue 13-Aug-19 13:46:35

No, I don't worry about my GC unless there is something specific to worry about eg one of my grandsons was whisked off to hospital with pneumonia recently.

I have faith in my GC's parents, who seem to be doing a pretty good job with their offspring. I worry more about the stress of work/family on my adult children, really.

GreenGran78 Tue 13-Aug-19 13:35:35

My mother was a terrible worrier. Having lived through the Liverpool blitz, and been bombed-out with two very small children I can understand why she became like that.
I tend to be fairly laid-back, but there have been times when I have lost a lot of sleep over family problems of varying kinds. Looking back, it is hard to remember what these problems even where, and they sorted themselves out eventually.

Worrying solves nothing, but if you have that tendency it must be almost impossible to stop doing it. Perhaps learning relaxation techniques would help.