Adult son advice please

Sara the being friendless and socially awkward is the same as my son. It's heart breaking to see them suffer this.
I believe my son will never leave home. I know his sister will be a great advocate for him when we are not around as she already is but it is a worry.

I checked his UC entitlement myself on a benefits calculator and at the time it definitely said that he was due nothing because of my income. It has occurred to me that now he's 25 the situation might have changed so I've asked him to go through the procedure again. Fingers crossed.

I'm confused. My son who is diagnosed autistic (your son shows similar traits but that could mean anything) though only mildly compared to some, receives UC that is all that is available in our area. I don't believe our income reflects on him. What they do take into account is the fact that living at home he has no rent or utilities to pay so he does not get the maximum payment.
My son has worked inturnships but never been offered paid work. He's 28 and never worked, not for want of trying. He is currently doing an OU course for which he recieved a grant. Maybe something for your son to consider.

OP are you telling us what he’s told you ie his version of reality?

Two points MOnica - OP says they’ve been back in UK since 2016 and secondly, he doesn’t need a contribution record to claim the means tested version of UC/JSA . And anyway, the point I’m making is that her income is irrelevant

Could he be refused benefits because he has been working abroad and has no benefit payment history?

I think you should also consider the effect his father's death has had on him. I think even more that a psychological assessment could be the way forward.

pen50
even for voluntary work, nobody wants to know him. It's very odd
Yes it is.
In the charity shop where i work we have one woman on a restraining order and one with an ASBO. We also had a volunteer with anger issues who was let go when he picked up a knife in the kitchen ?
There must be something wrong.

OPs son is 25 - I am convinced her income is an utter and complete irrelevancy to the amount he will receive. It’s really not on to allow such false information to stand OP and maybe mislead others. It’s just not fair.

My godson is living a parallel life to your son, apart from the moving abroad, it’s pretty similar, he did finish university with a pretty poor degree, that was ten years ago, and he hasn’t done a days work since.

He applied for jobs in the first year, for which he was woefully under qualified, and then just seemed to give up, he lives at home, isn’t lazy, spends a lot of time gardening, which he’s become good at, has not a single friend, has never applied for benefits because he has a small trust fund, and at 32, leads a very strange life, never had a girlfriend, or boyfriend and is socially very awkward

My friend is worried sick about him, but just doesn’t know how to snap him out of it

pen how did you get the information that he can’t claim UC?

I think my phraseology is leading some of you to read more into it than I meant. He was can averagely difficult adolescent, drank a bit, smoked, a bit of weed, arguments, that sort of thing. Nowadays he drinks very little, doesn't smoke, doesn't do drugs, and his biggest addiction is political websites. That's what I mean by blameless!

It just can’t be true in a million years that a 25 year old living with his mother can’t get benefits because of her earnings - it just can’t be true - am I going mad?

Could he retake his A Levels (or take new ones) at college to give himself a boost? Or maybe some other type of college course.

Is he able to start his own business, gardening, handyman, window-cleaning? All those services are in high demand round here and pay well above minimum wage!

First: Speak to CAB, they can advise on benefits and local charities who work with young people who have difficulty finding work.

Second: Arrange for your son to be seen and assessed by an educational psychologist, In particular to assess whether he is autistic. If he has difficulties with writing the causes could be that he has mild dyspraxia, poor fine motor control that can make writing difficult, a problem that I and my DS have or he could have dysgraphia, which is a difficulty in encoding words in writing (separate from dyslexia which is a problem with decoding words which are written). Get these problems checked out.

he leads a pretty blameless life these days what does this mean? Does a search on his name bring up his previous misdemeanours? As for the local criminal with the same name. The ideal thing would be a statement from the police to say that is not him.

But he could also address this problem directly in any application or its accompanying letter. State that unfortunately there is someone with his name in his town with a criminal record and a search on his name will bring this up. I assume this criminal is not exactly the same age with the same birthday, so point that out in the letter.

Are there no entry-level jobs, at least, available in his area? Even if he's employed working in fast food or as a dishwasher or prep cook, he'll be doing something.

I recognize that not everyone is this fortunate, but when I was a high school and early college student, I worked in fast food for a boss who had started at the entry level and worked her way into management. Originally she had been employed in fast food part-time while she did her diploma (2-year program) in broadcast journalism at the local college. She worked her way into management, and eventually she was earning more than a radio station would ever pay her as a DJ. When I first started, she was the assistant manager at our restaurant. She left shortly thereafter to become the senior assistant manager at another restaurant in the same chain, then returned to be our new restaurant general manager after the old one left.

At the very least, entry-level will give him some experience and he can put that on a job or college application.

Even for voluntary work, no one seems to want him. It's very odd.

No criminal record, silverlining48, but he was a difficult adolescent . Much improved now.

One of my sons has terrible hand writing- really bad - so he has been allowed to use a keyboard for all his education so surely your son should have had the same treatment? Could he sign up to an agency to work as a classroom support? They are usually crying out for them in our area anyway. I hope he can get out of his rut soon xx

Very dispiriting for you both. I think volunteering is the best course of action for him. This will give valuable work experience. He needs to be with people who are doing meaningful work rather than relying on benefits. Can you support him for six months? He needs to build his self esteem. The working world is tough but he needs to jump in.

I have 2 adult children both living at home, both with degrees and one with a masters, struggling to find permanent work. They have both gone to our local ‘Hub’, and have been appointed a work coach. They offer schemes specifically for 16 to 25 year olds not in
Permanent work .Their adviser helps with job searches, arranges voluntary work in fields they’re interested in, helps with CV’s and can also advise on benefits. It might be s good idea if you go along to your local ‘Hub’ to see if there’s a similar scheme locally. It’s not means tested or dependant on qualifications. Hope this helps

If he can’t get a paid job, what about doing some voluntary work? He might be able to find something that provides board and maybe some small allowance. Is working (volunteering) in a Camphill Community something he might consider?

The only info I can find is that universal credit claimants don't get help with housing costs if they live with family.

Your son would qualify for job seekers, and all that universal credit has done is merge all the benefits.

So... its worth pursuing, for your own sake as well as your sons.

There is no reason for him to allow you to keep him.

You mention your son leads a pretty blameless life ‘nowadays.’ Is there a backstory there which makes him less employable? Does he have references, and does he actually want to get a job?
He would have to be prepared to start at the bottom of ladder if necessary. That means, as MissAdventure says, getting himself to the job centre to get help with finding something, either training or a job of some sort. He is still young, it’s not too late.
I am sorry, you must be so concerned but he has to want this fir himself. I hope things work out.

I know, MissAdventure. It seems rather unfair. But apparently I am expected to keep on working until he can claim a pension himself - except that if course he won't be able to because he hadn't any No record

CAB looks like a possibility - I'll point him towards that. Apparently Job Centres seem to do little nowadays except provide computer access.