There have been some deliciously wicked responses- corks, Indian meals and trumping down the road to name but a few!
In the spirit of FC61's Dad, here is my feeble offering:
There was an old lady from Bristol
Whose trumps could shatter cut glass crystal
However she tried
She just could not hide
The sound of her unsilenced pistol!
(I am that old lady from Bristol).
On that note, I'll apologise to those who dislike lavatory humour, and thank everyone for their suggestions. It's actually a shame really that a 'normal' process can cause such embarrassment but the responses from everyone have been a great help.
I have been to a large branch of Boots this afternoon, who seemed to have sold out of much of their relevant stock (is this such a widespread problem?), and a Lloyd's Pharmacy, and am now armed with a packet of Wind Settlers and a packet of Senocaln for IBS, which has peppermint oil in it. Couldn't find any charcoal tablets, so armed with what I have, and the decision to forewarn my friend so that she can put her head under the pillow if necessary, I am hopeful of a good few days away.