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All or Nothing.

(4 Posts)
Brayve Tue 17-Sep-19 12:18:55

I am a 50 year grandmother of three children. My eldest Grandchild is three and her Mum is my younger daughter. My other grandchildren are two and a half and one. Their Mum is my older daughter and we live next door.

I have multiple health conditions. I have an autoimmune condition that has been particularly problematic for the last year. I have osteoarthristis and am expecting a hip replacement shortly.

I also work full time, I am self employed, am studying part time and have an active life in my church community.

My daughter and son in law have a lot of serious financial problems and with due credit are doing their utmost to resolve them.

The issue that has arisen is that although I am available to help with the children to save them the cost of a babysitter, I need forewarning. She called me on Saturday evening asking me to babysit on Sunday after Church. I told her I could be available after 2.30 as we had a lay clerks event but not before. She threw a really big tantrum and I got a mouthful about how she has always been last in line for everything and her children are second best.

My younger daughter was a single Mum and she went back to work when her baby was 7 months old. I looked after my granddaughter and restructured the way I worked so that I could help as my daughter worked shifts. She was alone as her husband was still studying abroad. It worked because it was very carefully planned.

My older daughter doesnt know what days she is working from one week to the next. I cant run a small business and help her out without the capacity to plan.

I also cant handle both her baby son and her toddler at the same time because of my mobility problems. My partner has tried to highlight this to her. I go to collect my granddaughter from next door to come over and play, because she can walk. I dont have to pick her up or run around keeping her safe. She listens, can tell me in basic words what her needs are and the physical load is something I've worked out.

My daughter says I should take them both, it's not fair to the baby that I only take one. An all or nothing situation. I sometimes take the baby on his own too, and will babysit at night while they are asleep because I can provide for each of their needs individually.

She doesn't seem to understand that I'm trying to make her life easier by taking one when I can. Now shes angry with me and doesnt me to see the children unless I take them both or see them when it suits her. I dont think she can respect that I work during the week, study and have a, aggravated by a condition that makes me incredibly tired and My mobility is compromised. There is a real expectation for me to be available with little or no notice and when I am not, she plays the card that she was eldest and always last in line for anything.

Anyone else experienced this. Right now she has cut me off and it hurts because I live next door.

tanith Tue 17-Sep-19 12:25:25

Brayve there are answers to your first post if you check further down the active list.

Brayve Tue 17-Sep-19 12:38:57

Apologies, I accidentally pressed the button to post when scrolling back. Feel free to delete this, as I cant find a way to do it myself.

BradfordLass72 Wed 18-Sep-19 10:11:48

You know what's happening here? You are so good at covering up, have such a full and active life that your daughter has no conception of the challenges and pain you face just to get by.

She only sees her own problems (and that's not necessarly selfish) and because they have money worried, her whole mind will be focussed on getting out of debt.

Yes, she should take your word for how difficult it is for you but she clearly cannot empathise - perhaps you should wail and moan a bit more? smile

You can only do your best; don't be emotionally blackmailed into anything.

Accept that your daughter probably can't think rationally right now due to the crowd of problems she's bestet with.

And pray about it. 'Suffer the little children to come unto me (or granny)'