Tolerant or Intolerant?

The people mentioned by Jura are acting against laws and humanitarian standards, not even just social custom, so they should expect condemnation. They have treated their victims brutally.

I assume GG3 speaks of posters who don't agree with her views on how to change society, and thinks that they too have forfeited the right to any tolerance, consideration of politeness?

In the UK, "Be polite" implicitly includes "show tolerance" of people who have other views than your own.

I'm afraid that's not my experience of some who stick by the "rules" of "polite society". If anything they criticise those who do not obey their cliques rules while seeing those rules as all they need to do - no thinking required. They certainly don't want to understand that theirs is not the only, nor necessarily the best, way to draw and redraw societies boundaries.

Good post Elegran. However, there are limits to this surely. Like racism, peodophilia, fascism ........and in such case, the 'disagreement' of the view goes very much with no 'consideration' for the person.

I have been away from the computer since 6 o'clock or so, and missed a lot of the posts about politeness varying from one culture to another, also missed GG3's reply to my last comment.

Much "polite behaviour" in every culture centres on consideration for others - (though it morphs easily into which fork to use and how to address an archbishop and so on) It is said to be polite in one culture to burp appreciatively after a good meal, in another to lend your wife to warm a frozen and lonely visitor to your igloo. Neither would be "polite" in all societies, but they stem from consideration for the work of a busy cook or for the plight of the traveller who may have trudged hundreds of miles through snow and ice from his home comforts. (The traveller making free with your wife probably required tolerance, too!)

In the UK, "Be polite" implicitly includes "show tolerance" of people who have other views than your own. Disagreement with the view doesn't preclude consideration for the person who holds the view.

What a good example of exactly what I was trying to describe Summerlove. It just goes to show how quickly cultures change, even within families. There, love and/or necessity can stop you treading on others toes but here we don't know one another, can't see one another and can identify with a larger, comforting group who share much of our own cultural mores. It makes me think that maybe we do pretty well, all things considered

Oh you tell me rosecarmel.

GracesGranMK3 - you’re so right on this. I grew up with my grandparents giving to anyone who called at their farm that I still do it to this day. My DH can’t understand this generosity but I see it as hospitality! I love giving whatever I have to share and whenever someone shares with me I’m delighted, no matter how humble the offering.

MawB makes me laugh Lazigirl especially when she puts a emoji after her comment. lol

I think we all learn to fit in (or decide not to) our surrounding culture. Just think of when you change schools. Mostly, as adults, we don't go where we always feel comfortable. There are times when you have to though. Work would be one example, GN another. It is more obvious between countries but it is certainly true within the country. In the west we are more likely to take a gift for our hostess if we are visiting or dining. We would also be disinclined to discuss the price of the gift, the value would be in the thought. In China you might well receive a gift from your host and the value would be in the cost. Easy to trip up with this but also easy to learn. The good manners of conversation are, I would suggest, much less easy to notice and realise the someone thinks you are being rude or so it seems.

I am not sure that your two families in and near Virginia fell out because one believed in one group of niceties and the other in a different one Rose. It sounds like a rather different argument and one where they just couldn't let go.

Also, for some, the things that gave them high status within their own cultural group no longer exists so they are fighting to find both a place and blame.

I think this is really thoughtful.

I see this a lot with conflicts between grans and mums. Things the grans had to put up with aren’t what mums will. It causes no end of confusion and hurt.

Isn't glitter outlawed?

Sort of like family dynamics- What works for one family doesn't for another- But it doesn't end with that- There's judgement, which leads to us/them type thinking- Hatfield & McCoy-

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hatfield–McCoy_feud

Not ditty! And certainly not dirty!

Dotty

Oh God. I am beginning to sound like the ditty old woman inhabiting Gransnet threads. ??

Soz.

I may be a bit late with that post.

I would just stick the leaves on a bit of paper and sprinkle them with glitter. Years since my littleies were at nursery school.

I don't believe the are interchangeable in any culture Elegran. Politness/manners in one group may be very different to those in another; they are just rules. Tolerance requires the same from everyone.
Engage brain and realise what has happened and then make a personal decision.

I think it is the assumption they are the same that adds to the upsets. If you think about it, cultures beset by strict rules of behaviour are often the least tolerant. I think the same can apply to people too.

Lazigirl A sense of humour can save us from a lot of inter-personal problems.

For my "politeness" you could read "showing tolerance" then, GG3.

You are still assuming Elegran that I would be bound to find your idea of politeness the same as my idea of politeness. Manners or politeness are just rules that are always changing. It would be far more useful if people were to practice tolerance. If you find someone rude your best bet would be to assume they may be finding you lacking in their everyday good manners too. I think great allowance is made for people on this forum who don't even realise how rude others find them.

Of course it is possible to be polite and unpleasant at the same time?

We definitely need more humour that's for sure.

Oh, I don't know. What about "icy" politeness? That's hardly bland. It can be very cutting and very funny.

Totally polite would indeed be very bland, ("After you, Claude" - "No, after you, Cecil!" ) However, on some occasions a little more politeness would be an improvement, or rather a little less savaging of other posters would be an improvement.

Considering the state of the country just now, with the extreme polarisation of politics and public opinion I find posters on the political threads on GN fairly restrained.

On the odd occasion I have ventured onto Murmsnet I have found it much more cut and thrust.

I think there is a lot of kindness and support to be found on here, but there is bound to be argument and intolerance at times, especially when not interacting face to face, it's how us humans behave.

I think it would be very dull to have extremely polite, but bland forums.