Ideas for doing a “turn”

I was on a cruise when we had a talent evening and my friend said “right if anyone does Albert and the lion I’m off”. It was the very first turn?

This poem might amuse:-

socialsciences.exeter.ac.uk/media/universityofexeter/collegeofsocialsciencesandinternationalstudies/education/research/centres/writing/teacherresources/poetry/3.1_ChristmasThankYous.doc

m.youtube.com/watch?v=mDE1ZvvHVVg In case you don’t know it!

The song- Ma baibie ‘as gorn darn the plug ole. A great favourite of mine!

You won’t go wrong with Albert and The Lion. Tommy

I always like Stanley Holloway's monologues particularly The Lion and Albert. If you wanted a funny song one of Flanders and Swann like The Gas Man Cometh.

If you want something to sing, my 'party piece' is "The Alto's Lament", which is very amusing.

Go to book....Pam Ayres...especially her one about looking after your teeth. Wish I’d listened!!

How about a piece of Joyce Grenfell's writing?

According to google Pam Ayres did not write the fifty shades of grey poem, some man did. I am not sure that I personally would ever read this poem in public

It's actually 'They should have asked my husband'

Well, what lovely people you are..... and BL72, that was a very thoughtful offer. Can I file it in my memory bank, I’m sure there’s another event in the offing. Brilliant idea to tweak an existing song
I checked out all your suggestions and Pam Ayres googling eventually led me to a poem Fifty Shades of Grey from a husbands perspective. It’s very funny .... slightly risqué. There’s a four letter word “ti-s” in it and I’m wondering if would offend sensitive ears. I hope not as they are a raucous lot ....
If I took the word out, it wouldn’t rhymne with the previous line “.....bit”.
Anyway, thanks again, big help xxxxx

Oh yes Pam Ayres poems are very funny. I particularly like one entitled 'Just ask my Husband' or something similar.

John Julius Norwich has written the correspondence between Emily and the person who sent here all those Twelve Days of Christmas gifts. Good with two voices, but works with one!
www.monologues.co.uk/Parodies/Twelve_Days_Correspondence.htm

OR
King John's Christmas by A A Milne goes down well (yes with an adult audience!)

I'm with JessK, Pam Ayres' poems are ideal for that setting. Good luck with doing your turn.

I went to a party with a similar group years ago and did a monologue by Joyce Grenfell. I did First Flight but there are lots.

I could write you a poem or short script; I used to write comedy skits for the telly.

Last Christmas our elders group did a skit based on the 12 days of Christmas.
There were 12 of us but it could easily be done by one with a few amendments.

Or write new words to a familair Xmas song:

Silent Night
Uncle is tight
Drank the gin
Did him in....etc.

Feel free to PM me.

Pam Ayres has written some very funny poems you can find a lot of them online.

I have sometimes done monologues when necessary. There is one about "how to give a cat a pill" which is funny. Also a piece about packing to go away for the weekend.