Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Defiant 4 year old.

(13 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Fri 18-Oct-19 21:31:12

Today I looked after the 2 youngest gs.All went well until I asked him to close the door. He point blank refused and told me kids didn't shut doors, grannys did. We had a standoff for about 10 mins, I turned tv off and threatened bed.

Then when dinner was on the table he said he wasn't hungry and this dinner was for the adults. Little bro then agreed.
Other son arrived so I left the room and he managed to convince them both to eat before parents came back.

I hadn't seen this behaviour before but I don't see these 2 often and mum thinks they are angels.

MawB Fri 18-Oct-19 21:40:13

I’d have said “Fine” and let them go hungry!
Cheeky little so and so’s!

kircubbin2000 Fri 18-Oct-19 21:41:31

Then mum would have been cross with me, not him!

Summerlove Fri 18-Oct-19 21:44:16

4 is a very hard age.

I’d have just left them sit there until they ate.

Urmstongran Fri 18-Oct-19 21:52:55

Why would your daughter in law be cross with YOU kircubbin? You did your best. Made them their tea and (for whatever reason) they had to be cajoled to eat some.

I don’t think I’d like to be minding two smalls if I felt I had to be walking on eggshells, bless you.

Barmeyoldbat Fri 18-Oct-19 21:54:28

I had that once when I asked the 9 year old to help with the dishes after a meal. My husband always washes up. She replied that kids don't dishes in her house. Simply said you are not home now so get out there. Did the trick

I would have just let them sit there and let them go hungry. As for the door, I am afraid I would have shouted shut the blasted door and do as you are told.

EllanVannin Fri 18-Oct-19 22:21:59

Yes, there's a wilful 4 year old in our family, she's a madam !

crazyH Fri 18-Oct-19 22:25:05

We have one as well...but his defiance doesn't last long - his parents are very strict.....the 'naughty chair'

Tangerine Fri 18-Oct-19 22:28:55

I know you don't see them very often but are they usually good? Perhaps it was a one-off.

If you look after them again and they behave like this, I think you should tell their parents. With any luck, it won't happen.

My children were usually reasonably good but there were times when they misbehaved and were cheeky.

DillytheGardener Fri 18-Oct-19 22:29:30

At that age though they are testing their boundaries, what they can and can't get away with, with the different adults in their lives. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that their mum is doing something wrong or is blind to their faults. Also dad should have a role in this too. (Mine didn't, but I believe my son's will play a far more hands on role when they do have kids)

DillytheGardener Fri 18-Oct-19 22:30:49

I meant my husband, not my dad. But neither tbh were hands on. I'm jealous of the younger generation who's husbands to seem to be more interested in being a parent.

Elegran Fri 18-Oct-19 22:46:15

Most 4-year-old boys are wilful, it seems to be a stage they go through, too old to still be toddlers but not old enough to be "big boys". Girls aren't little angels either. You have to be more wily than them, and not be phased by their trying to demonstrate how independent.

I would try to avoid being too authoritarian about things - If there is an either/or choice, then casually enquiring which they will be doing often works, as they are too busy deciding between them to notice that someone actually is telling them what to do.

If they won't eat what you have cooked, then they can go without, but don't make anything else. You could say "I'll have this, then," and proceed to eat the lot. If they say half an hour later that they are hungry, start cooking them the same thing - any objection and the answer is "This is what there is."

BlueBelle Fri 18-Oct-19 23:06:42

Have you posted this before or has someone else it sounds very familiar
I certainly wouldn’t have had a 10 minute stand off with a small child he was then on standby to test you again at dinner time I always found ignoring testing behaviour and rewarding good was the best way forward
I certainly wouldn’t shout and swear at them like barmyoldbat advocates