Grandchildren becoming independent

Im not quite sure what you mean by " there will be "an aged adult resident in the house". Surely that means theyre not alone?

I suppose the nearest I got to that was staying with a friend when her parents went away. But we werent party types so they knew the house was

It is your daughters child not yours.

If his knows the boundaries and he can stick to them . Your daughter could ask neighbour to keep an eye out and if anything untoward happens she could contact her . As long as he is sensible and mature there shouldn't be a problem . You know the saying thou , when the cats away the mice will play .

I would say your daughter has to start letting him go. These days with all the technology its never been easier. She could face time each day just to check. In a year or so he could be leaving home for Uni, is she going to go with him. I say trust him m and leave him at home.

Parents are just wrapping their kids in cotton wool these days.

I agree with Chestnuts... one of the first to post.
depends on the family, maturity,,, etc...

We left our 18 and 14 year old for a weekend - they were fine, and I think it did them both good. For once they didn't have a row all weekend.

My grandson has been left alone since he was 14 when his mum (single mother) travelled abroad for work as far as South Africa/America. I lived about 10 minutes away by car though she often didn't inform me of her plans. It was how she had been brought up and she considered him capable. I wasn't happy but accepting. No disasters. He is now a very independent 18 year old, well prepared for life. Luckily.

I left home at 16 so yes I do think it's old enough. Found a job, bedsit, and was very happy. I think kids are kept young far to long nowadays.

My son was 17 when he went abroad for the first time he was always very mature still is. Never worried about him always looked after himself.

Thanks, grans. Will ask dd why. My feeling is that she is clinging on and respect for in-laws or maturity questions are not her major concern. Or is using maturity issues in order to.justify clinging. As I said gs is perfectly capable. Aged relative invited to house sit re dog before this issue arose.

Since in Scotland at 16 you can leave home, get married, etc etc without your parents' consent, I'm sure he should be old enough.
The not taking part in a family visit is of course a different matter but doesn't seem to be the sticking point here.

That is different to bailing out on family visits though

I left my ds home when we went for a weekend break when he was 17, he was fine. I left plenty of food in fridge and takeaway money for Sat evening and he played games and watched blu rays with friends. He could call us if there was an issue and he knew our neighbours were aware he was home alone.

He can take his iPad, x box or whatever - I'm sure the DP won't mind as long as they get the occasional smile and grunt.

He's lucky if he is allowed! Mine are not allowed devices at family gatherings/visits. If theyre bored ot wont kill em..

flutterby do you see a lot of your DGS, does he live nearby?

If so, I hope you can understand the feelings of the other DP who may not see him very often.

Anyway, it is up to your DD to decide and negotiate with her son.

He can take his iPad, x box or whatever - I'm sure the DP won't mind as long as they get the occasional smile and grunt.

I just wonder if his grandparents will be disappointed not to see him over half-term? Sometimes we have to do things we don't particularly want to for the sake of the happiness of others - it's a good lesson to learn.

I agree with this. Visiting family isnt just about whether its fun for you . You go to give something to others too.

It might upset the ILs to know that the GC would rather stay home aline rather than see them.

Unless there are "issues" I would make them go. Not wanting to miss out on mates or x box is no good reason.

So for me, whether they were capable of being left alone or not in this instance would be irrelevant

I remember when my grand-daughter got to this age and wanted more independence. She was, and still is, a level-headed girl (of course she is, she's my grand-daughter ) and there was no problem at all.

Two years later, she had the wildest, craziest 18th birthday party you ever saw.

(of course she did, she's my grand-daughter )

Another vote for depends on maturity.

Your dd could be overprotective or knows something about your gc that you do not know.
Maybe there is something going on with your dd's ils that your gc doesn't like?
Maybe your dd thinks her son is almost 18 so there are only 2 years left for travelling together as a family?

You are wise leaving it alone.

It is your DD's house as well as her son so it is really up to her.

I would not think of commenting to my DD on this

As people above have said, it depends on the individual child, maybe also on how much the parents worry. I holidayed with friends at 15 (UK) and 16 (France) then left home at 17. I do think that we had more freedom and matured more quickly back then though.

Does he have to look after the aged resident or is aged resident capable of looking after him/herself?

It would be difficult to have a party if there is an older person in the house too.
I trusted my oldest DC at 17 to be sensible and left her whilst we went on holiday.
However, a neighbour felt the same about her 15 year old, telling her that she could have a sleepover of trusted girlfriends, only to find that word had got out and lots of young people turned up with drink etc and the place was trashed.

I just wonder if his grandparents will be disappointed not to see him over half-term? Sometimes we have to do things we don't particularly want to for the sake of the happiness of others - it's a good lesson to learn.

Our son was 17 when we left him at home whilst we went on a caravan holiday with his younger sister. Halfway through the week he turned up at the caravan and stayed for a couple of nights then headed home.
The following year he again remained at home and had a small party. No problems apart from finding the large cast iron bench from the garden had been relocated to the garage. ?

Perfectly old enough to be alone if sensible (there are young 16s and mature 16s) BUT my teens are not allowed to bow out of family gatherings. They have to be polite and come along even if its not their idea of fun.

Dunno why really but that is our rule. I think because teen cousins are also expected to be there.

My brother was older maybe 17 when mum and dad left him home alone for the first time whilst we holidayed in Spain.
He wasn't the party type and still isn't but he did paint his bedroom while we were away.
Chocolate walls and orange ceiling !!
Mum was furious.
IMO it depends on the child and whether they have someone nearby to turn to.