Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

What shall I do?

(110 Posts)
BlueSapphire Sun 10-Nov-19 20:16:46

My DIL has been in her new job for a week; asking her today how it was going she admitted that she found the morning commute difficult, and has been late for work three times this week because of traffic, which is not good. Now, I know she should probably have thought about this beforehand, but she really wanted to escape her previous job in which she was unhappy.

I am thinking of asking her whether she would like to drop younger DGD off with me at about 7.30 each morning to give her an extra half hour to get to work. I could then take DGD to school.

As far as I can see, pros are:
DDIL would not be so stressed in the mornings;
It would make me get up earlier and I would get more things done and get some exercise from the walk to and from school;
I would be spending good time with DGD and she wouldn't have to go to breakfast club.

Cons are:
I would not be able to slob around in my dressing gown for half the morning if I felt like it.

I would not do Mondays as I have an early yoga class, but every other day is fine.

Shall I offer?

Madmaggie Mon 11-Nov-19 13:12:13

Give it a trial of say 6 months. Dark winter mornings won't help with the getting up and dressed early bit but spring & summer will be a doddle. You have a great attitude. Don't do mondays its important to keep up your interests. Your Dil can negotiate this with her employer (who have to be reasonable under law) if she's late she must pay back the time or risk losing her job. It could be a great way of really getting to know your GD on a whole new level. Im 70 very soon but I still remember with great affection the times he kept an eye on me for mum. As for having to get dressed discover the forgiving qualities of 'loungewear' (tracky bottoms). It'll keep you young.

grapefruitpip Mon 11-Nov-19 13:07:32

How about a compromise...offer to do Wednesday, Thursday Friday. That is a big help to Mum.

FC61 Mon 11-Nov-19 13:04:09

I would do it. It’s win win and if you need a day off your DIL is still better off for having had your help other days !

Gingergirl Mon 11-Nov-19 13:03:07

Personally, it’s early days and I would give it a little time, to see if she can come up with a way forward first. This is a long term commitment and may involve more as time goes on.

Jans3 Mon 11-Nov-19 12:59:50

It will do you the world of good. I do the same for my granddaughters it gives your day a structure I love it

Philippa111 Mon 11-Nov-19 12:59:11

How about offering to try one or two days a week as a way of guaging how it feels. That’s already helpful. If that feels ok,after a while you may want to offer more. I think there is a lot of pressure both internally as well as outside to fill in the gaps, be the hands on etc. But I personally feel we have all alrready done our bit as parents,working etc and retirement is about having time for your own leisure, travel, relaxation etc and a balance needs to be found between self care and being of help to our families. And that is different for everyone. Best not to offer too much to then have to take it back. Better to progress slowly and then not disappoint later on. Being with our grandchildren is so special for both them and us. Good luck

jannxxx Mon 11-Nov-19 12:54:32

do it, time with grandkids is so precious, and soon shes be going to school on her own, so make the most of the time with her you have

Lucca Mon 11-Nov-19 12:53:36

No question! I’d give anything to live near enough my Gc to do this

DotMH1901 Mon 11-Nov-19 12:51:46

If your health is okay and you would enjoy having your grandchild every day then I say go ahead. I have helped my DD with all three grandkiddies and the eldest is now in college, next is at senior school and youngest I still take to school/collect each day (but she also goes up to senior school next year). Time goes so quickly with the grandkiddies growing up far too fast, enjoy this extra bit of time (providing your DDL agrees, of course)

Rosina Mon 11-Nov-19 12:48:30

Sounds like a delightful, kind and win win idea; DiL will love you forever, GD will be thrilled to spend 'special' time with Nanny, you will remove stress from Dil's life and that can only be good for her and the family. Well done - and I would like to bet that if you don't do it the guilt will far outweigh the inconveniences, which sound very small.

humptydumpty Mon 11-Nov-19 12:41:34

Is there any chance that DiL could ask if she could start 30min later and end 30min later?

Barneysmommy Mon 11-Nov-19 12:36:57

I would jump at the opportunity. But tell you DIL you would like to try it for a few weeks to see if it works.

sodapop Mon 11-Nov-19 12:28:35

It's a kind thought Bluesapphire but it is a big regular commitment. Make sure you have thought through all the pros and cons before agreeing to do this. The trial idea is a good one for all concerned.

Gagajo I don't think its selfish to want a life of one's own in retirement. If our adult children choose to have a family then they should be prepared to care for them. By the same token if grandparents choose to help then that's fine but no one should feel obligated.

Freemind Mon 11-Nov-19 12:28:27

When I had very early starts, I put the children in the car still in pjs with all their clothes and stuff in bags. They had a bit longer sleep and were able to have dressing and breakfast time without feeling the pressure from me. Could you try that?

Aepgirl Mon 11-Nov-19 12:25:51

I think that is a really kind suggestion, BlueSapphire. I hope your DIL accepts.

Lin663 Mon 11-Nov-19 12:25:05

Absolutely! Make the offer “would it take the pressure off if ....” and state your terms i.e. no Mondays to prevent any misunderstandings/ill feelings..then it’s up to DIL to accept or not

BusterTank Mon 11-Nov-19 12:23:45

Sounds a great idea , it's up to your daughter in law if she takes you up on it . At least it will show willing . What a great grandma you are .

GrannyBlossom Mon 11-Nov-19 12:21:21

How lovely it would be to see your grandchild four mornings a week. Give it a try!

Coppernob Mon 11-Nov-19 12:19:01

Not sure I would want to do it every day though, and it has always been an ‘if we can’ arrangement.

jaylucy Mon 11-Nov-19 12:18:26

Why not offer?
Why do you have to ask?

Coppernob Mon 11-Nov-19 12:17:41

My son drops my 3 granddaughters off at 7.00am every Tuesday. We give them breakfast and then take them to school for 8.45. At first it was just one at school, one at nursery and one with us for the day but gradually they have all progressed through nursery and are all at ‘big’ school now. I’ve loved having this time with the girls and wouldn’t have changed it for the world.

Maz53 Mon 11-Nov-19 12:13:47

Defo breakfast club. I’ve done this for two years. It’s tiring and a commitment.

Jaycee5 Mon 11-Nov-19 12:11:32

I would offer but on a 'when I can' basis so that it isn't an expectation.

fluff Mon 11-Nov-19 12:11:15

Why not try it for just two days a week at first and see how it goes before committing yourself?

notanan2 Mon 11-Nov-19 11:46:06

*It is probably early for most to be out of the door, I agree, although DGS has to be on the bus at 7.30 am.
I think it is par for the course for many with working parents, though, especially if working times are not flexible.*

Well yes, but since the OP is offering an alternative to commercial wrap around care, it could be an opportunity to avoid rushing the kids to be out the door at that time. An easier more relaxed morning would be better quality time than kids rushed to hers, then out the door again 30/45 mins later...