I worry she has no playmates

notanan, you really do not know what you are talking about if you do not know the difference between a play group and a mother and toddler group.

A play group is usually cooperative in management with parents involved in running them but the sessions are usually for half a day and the children in a group with helpers, often parents, plus others. There is usually a curriculum broadly similar to a nursery school

A mother and toddler group is more like a large coffee morning, held once a week with parents and children coming together and each child being in the care of its own responsible adult, It is an opportunity for the adults involved to meet and build networks as well as the children to play ith each other.

My children's play group and mother and toddler group days are long gone, but while I cannot even remember the names or faces of any other parents and children at the playgroup they attended, I met several people at mother and toddler group that remain close friends to this day.

Spot on BlueBelle you addressed everything I was thinking very succinctly.

Blimey you’re on a roll notanan why so anti nursery’s ?
I have not mentioned nurseries

notanan It doesn't have to be a play group, a mother and toddler group is just as good they're the same thing??

notanan It doesn't have to be a play group, a mother and toddler group is just as good.

There are core instinctive relationship skills that a child picks up by being part of a small community of similar aged children. Transient social occasions in parks, shops etc are not at all the same thing.

I had plenty of those kind of opportunities. What I lacked was mixing regularly with the same group other children, learning to attune to how people socialised with each other, and most importantly, built and sustained friendships.

You clearly have no conception of what it is like to go to school and suddenly find your self completely lost in a large group of children, a situation I had never been in before. These children seem comfortable socialising, striking friendships, even transient frienships and moving around each other. While I didn't have clue, what to do or what to say,

I made absolutely sure that my children had opportunities to mix and play with children from a very young age, first with friends with similarly aged children, then play group and mother and toddler groups. The result is that both my children have all that comfort in the presence of other people that I never had and have benefitted immeasurably from being at ease in almost any situation.

Notonan I have to disagree with you I was an only child much loved and well looked after by a nan and granddad who I adored when mum and dad were at work BUT I was a lonely kid without other children around and as I ve got older and talk to my contemporaries and listened to the adventures they had with friends and cousins I realise how much I have missed out
Like Monica said it does impinge on your adult life and although I have lots of friends it has taken me years to build up my confidence in groups and never really felt I ‘belonged’
I have no understanding why the parents aren’t ‘allowed’ to catch colds, even doctors catch colds sometimes I have never heard of a job where you have to sign a clause that says you will never get ill and I don’t understand where attendance allowance comes into it ???
I think the parents are being unreasonable to expect their child to never bring anything home... wait till she’s at school with nits and colds and everything else doing the rounds is she not going to be allowed friends ? You cannot keep anyone cold free
Blimey you’re on a roll notanan why so anti nursery’s ?

At the age of three my twin grandchildren seemed to have permanent colds. Two years later they rarely seem to catch anything. They have been going to nursery since the age of one and have thoroughly enjoyed the contact with other children.

IMO, children benefit enormously by contact with other children. By the time the start school they are used to a degree of independence and have started to develop those so important social skills.

Would it be possible to contact some of the other careers you have already met to arrange play dates? Maybe you could discuss this further with your DD and explain your concerns?

There is no easy answer to this conundrum

Actually I think that is entirely the wrong idea notanan2 Because parents have to accompany the child to playgroups and soft play they are less likely to take an ill child, whereas when the child starts school they are quite often working and an ill child is sent into school so the parents don't have to take time off work.

Playgroups and soft plays have a disproportunate amount of people who will rock up with poorly kids.

Trisher you get more of a mix of families in a primary school class than you do at a playgroup.

In primary there are more likely to be families that understand that normal bacteria strengthens the immune system but illnesses weakem it.

Op,
Not even airborne?

Hithere the good points of driving a train mean you always get a seat and you're not exposed to passenger germs.

What!!?? notanan2 a cross section of what? And what difference does it make?

I don't think attendance at nursery or playgroup is always necessary for a child. They can be equally happy at home or their granny's house. She can play with others at the park or on trips out anyway so I'd let her parents decide what to do.

Not at all. School is much more of a cross section.

notanan2 but much the same could be said about the first year of primary school. Presumably you wouldn't stop a child going there. They are eventually going to encounter those bugs.

How do your dd and sil do to avoid the cold, flu and other nasty diseases that plaque every place of employment every year?

There is a concentration of selfishness around childhood viruses at playgroups and soft play. Its not a cross section of a normal amount of bugs

Plague not plaque

How do your dd and sil do to avoid the cold, flu and other nasty diseases that plaque every place of employment every year?

As for socializing, your gc will go to school and the issue will be fixed

Not all bug build up a child's immunity. Some weaken it!

If its something you wouldnt appreciate a visitor bringing then it is probably not good for a child either.

Healthy exposure to "normal" bugs = going out and about, playing with mud, meeting people and animals. Normal bacteria . It does not include exposure viruses that make you ill.

There are selfish people out there who wont wait 48hrs after a tummy bug or for c pox to fully scab.

There are lots of children out there that have to avoid "snotty" playgroups because they were premature or on meds or have family members with reduced immune systems. The internet may be a good way to meet some like minded playdate contacts who would appreciate mutual cancellations if there's snots etc

What I am saying Monica is that playgroups are a weird way to socialise anyway. And so long as the child is taken out and about: parks, supermarkets, cafes etc they will encounter people of all ages including children anyway.

And a few playdate contacts make for more meaningful child-child relationships than playgroups, plus are easier rearranged if one is ill

notanan, No, a child doesn't needn't to be with children exactly the same age, but I do think they need to socialise with other children.

As I said I didn't socialise with other children, apart from a younger sister and I believe strongly that the lack of social skills this left me with have affected me throughout my life.

Hello again and thanks for the helpful replies.

MOnica the baby wasn't planned but is no less loved or treasured.

Any public transport positions such as pilot, train or tube driver have very strict regulations which are non negotiable.

On the plus side GD gets lots of one to one time. She is very intelligent and has a lovely little personality. Also very clued up on dinosaurs! We are very much looking forward to Christmas this year.

Some people think that children must mix with children the exact same age as them to "socialise"

This does not mimic natural socialisation

She is mixing with people and that "socialises" her. I wouldnt worry too much about plonking her in a room filled with exclusively children her age.

Maybe put an ad on netmums meetamum for another gran in your area who has a young GC who might enjoy playdates. That way you can agree to cancel if one of the children has the sniffles?

Not much you can do but go along with it. Your gd will get lots of coughs and colds when she does eventually mix with other children. How about a soft play area? Our local garden centre has one? There will always be a chance that she picks something up, not realistic to expect otherwise.