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Losing their grandparents

(13 Posts)
BradfordLass72 Sun 08-Dec-19 18:59:34

Thank you for coming back with an update smile

I have always believed in explaining to children, in an age-approproate way - because telling them nothing, or shrugging off their questions leads to all manner of problems.

Well done then to these parents who took the time to do this. flowers

GrandmaKT Sun 08-Dec-19 18:32:02

My father died recently. I was visiting my grandchildren last week and they knew he had died, but wanted to know where he was now. Not being religious, I was faltering over an answer when the four year old said "I know, he's in the freezer!" to which the five year old replied "No, he came out of the freezer and went into the oven". Obviously their mum had been talking to them about what happens to our bodies after we die. I hope this hasn't upset anyone, but I actually found it quite reassuring how matter of fact they were.

silverlining48 Sun 08-Dec-19 17:56:06

How very sad Lindey. My condolences to you all.

Madgran77 Sun 08-Dec-19 17:46:32

flowers Sounds like a sad situation was dealt with just right for him. He will probably ask about things on his mind to do with his GPs at some point as time goes on

GillT57 Sun 08-Dec-19 17:04:09

such a sad story, your poor son in law. You are obviously a loving and supportive family, so perhaps just keep talking about them and as the boys grow up they will know that they were loved. Yes love0c, a few people will hopefully give their own situation some consideration given this tragic loss of two loving people.

love0c Sun 08-Dec-19 16:41:00

Made me sad reading this post. Two little children loved by their GP's and they loving them, then losing them. So many sad GP's on here being denied loving their GC and their GC denied loving them. Just hoping this thread makes some people think.

Hetty58 Sun 08-Dec-19 16:12:14

Small children are often very resilient when told in a matter- of-fact way. They are very sensitive to how the adults around them react, though. Most 3 year olds won't completely understand the finality- but will get the 'saying goodbye' part. Adults are the ones who really have trouble with it.

My friend told her daughter that her rabbit had 'Gone to heaven'. Her daughter was very upset and worried about getting it back, whether it had food, who was looking after it etc. It would probably have been much kinder to just show her the rabbit and explain about death.

Smileless2012 Sun 08-Dec-19 16:03:00

Looks like the sad situation was handled really well Lindey.

My condolences for the loss to your familyflowers.

Chestnut Sun 08-Dec-19 15:47:42

Got my generations mixed up there, forgetting we are the older ones. I meant harder for your daughter and her husband who will feel the loss more keenly than the little ones I'm sure. Your family sound loving and close and that's what really matters.

Chestnut Sun 08-Dec-19 15:42:45

As they are so young it's probably best not to talk about it more than is essential, just keep an eye on them and respond when they show signs of missing them or wondering where they are. I'm sure you'll find they will not be adversely affected as time goes by because they are so young. At that age children are very adaptable to change because they don't understand the long term implications and are not thinking of all the years to come like you are.
I think it's going to be much harder for you to be honest, and I'm very sorry to hear of your loss.

crazyH Sun 08-Dec-19 15:03:59

So sad Lindey.
Nankate, that shows it was on his little mind.

NanKate Sun 08-Dec-19 14:58:15

When our youngest grandson (3 at the time) was told his maternal grandmother had died, he made no comment. A few months later we were all on holiday and were walking through a botanical gardens. He went up to complete strangers and said ‘My gran has died’ and that was that.

Youngsters often take in more than we realise and deal with it in their own way.

Glad your grandchildren have accepted the sad situation Lindey.

Lindey Sun 08-Dec-19 14:16:42

Hello again and some of you lovely grans will remember my asking for advice a couple of months ago regarding my 2 small grandsons about to lose both their grandparents around the same time.

We were very worried about the best way to tell them to help them understand a little without causing too much anguish (the eldest is 3 and a half).

Very tragically both grandparents died within 5 days of each other in the Hospice (they were only in their early 60s) and it has been a terribly difficult and sad time for our family. They were such wonderful, kind people who adored their family and their loss has left a huge whole in our lives.

My daughter and her husband were able to tell their son in the lightest, most simple way to help him understand and he was very accepting of the explanation. We think of course he did not fully realise what it meant in that it is a great loss for him and his little brother in the long term, but they both have such happy little lives and are so loved by all of us. We will certainly be telling them as they grow up about their granny and grandad and how much they meant to them.

A small time later he asked his mum 'will we be able to get our toys from granny and grandad's house'. Sad to hear but in a way reassuring.