Mean Grandparents

Oh such a shame really. As I was reading this was thinking how l would love a grandchild to spoil rotten! My husband and I share his step granddaughters but they're in Perth Australia! I often imagine taking my grandchildren to the artisan market or pantomime etc. Don't focus on the stingeyness they offer but instead help her by being extra kind and loving as you already do. Good luck!

If your parents live close to you, maybe you can take your daughter round to her grandparent’s house? Maybe, try taking her over once every 2 weeks and spend some time with them. Is there something your mom can teach your daughter such as knitting? Or do a puzzle with your father? Have your daughter interact with some of their interests. Just a thought.

Every grandparent is different. It is not a competition.

I rather think my grandchildren’s other grandparents are exceedingly over-generous, which may make my gifts look minimal in comparison, but I am inclined to think the amount I spend is good enough. I am not mean. My grandchildren are over- indulged.
At least your parents do give gifts of some sort, even if they get it wrong. I would make a bit of a joke about it, rather than say something nasty.

It seems really unnatural to me, especially when I think how besotted I am with my own GC. I think at least trying to be a good GP is the right and proper thing to do. Maybe you have some older friends who would love to be 'surrogate' grandparents. We had some friends who seemed to fulfil this role when my mother was being 'off' with us for an extended time and we lived some distance away. It was a nice, happy relationship, fulfilling a need on both sides.

Do your parents know about inheritance tax and where will they leave their money? They must be wealthy after inheriting money and are in danger of giving the Gov. a sizeable amount, when it could go to family.
Personally, I can't stand meanness. My grandchildren get allowances; holidays as treats, school fees etc.. It gives me pleasure to treat them and for God's sake, you can't take it with you.

I grew up in a similar situation. I think honesty is the best policy. My Sister actually says “ Some people are meant to be Parents and Grandparents and some aren’t “ . My memories are of the issue being covered up when it’s painfully obvious it’s there. Maybe booking a treat and telling her Grandparents that you have included them too and it won’t work without their participation?

For some inexplicable reason my mother had 4 children but she was not a good mother. She never showed kindness or love, didn’t attend parents evenings and I was quite scared of her. She was even less interested in her grandchildren never babysat or chatted to them when she (very occasionally) visited. I am there always for youngest DGD (only one who lives close by) and it’s just lovely.

And secondhand is very fashionable.

And doesnt always cost less. New band teeshirt: £40, secondhand: £200

& much more in vogue than "new tat"

I saw a gift list recently that specified charity shop gifts only.

Have you thought of ‘adopting’ a grandparent? There are lots of elderly people who feel isolated and lonely and would love to be involved in a family. Gifts aren’t necessarily important but spending time and showing and interest in your daughter’s life could benefit both sides.
In the meantime, don’t give up on your parents. Give them every opportunity to be involved - school sports days, concerts, outings etc. They may not change but you will have done the right thing. I really don’t think you should speak badly of them to your daughter, any chance of a better relationship could be lost if she is influenced by negative comments. I can understand how upsetting the situation is for you and I feel sorry that your parents are missing out on the joy of having grandchildren. However, you’re obviously a loving and caring Mum and that’s the most important thing in your child’s life.

2 nd hand gifts are great for ecology reasons. JMJACA it is not stingy ,it is eminently sensible

I never got any gifts from my grandparents, but they used to put money away for me every year and I never wondered why
I didn’t get a present. I never even asked my parents about it, it never occurred to me. I don’t think my parents ever thought to tell me either, until I was much older. I just accepted that
I didn’t get a present from my grandparents.

I agree with pp. If bulk up a little on your gifts. You could do fun but useful gifts. Not too expensive. My 11 year old dgg loved her pink electric mixer and now can make a cake easily following a recipe. Her hairdryer with sparkles. Fluffy slipper socks. Also Primark is great for a few items like pjs and tops, a handbag.

A bit judgemental JMJACAE6 We don't know the OP situation! I have done it myself when I couldn't afford new. I once bought a whole Barbie House, a 3 story affair complete with furniture, lots of various Barbies and Kens! It was like new and cost me a fraction of the price - well actually I couldn't have bought it new. Have also bought sparkling second hand bikes. One of their most favourite was one of the first nintendos. Hardly used. Nothing shameful or stingy in not being in a position to buy new.

Why don't you ask your parents what they would like you to tell their granddaughter about them?

I don’t think you need to explain anything to her - families are all different, and that’s ok.
She knows no different from them so it’s not a sudden change, put some extra little things under the tree, she won’t care who it’s from.

You must actually be a little stingy yourself buying second hand gifts.

What? Why?

I’m sorry about your situation with your daughter. You must actually be a little stingy yourself buying second hand gifts.

Sorry if this has already been asked.... How were they when you were growing up?

This post made me so sad. My granddaughters and I are soooo close, they are my world. One of my eldest granddaughter's friends has adopted me as her Granny as her grandparents are dead. I wish I could be your daughters adopted Granny too. My Granddaughters are 12 and 13 so similar ages to your daughter. Huge hugs. X

It's hard for us grandparents to understand how another grandparent can ignore a grandchild.

However, I doubt that they will change now, and I really have no advice. So sorry.

You clearly are a great Mum. Happy Christmas to your family from ours.
Fact is, your girlie has noticed a difference because there is one. So be open about it.
Your job is to convey its not her, they are just insensitive and tight arsed.
Though you might want to say mean spirited lol.
Explain
from now on, you would like to get her "This is what you deserve grandparents gifts" from your hubbies parents. You can still do this thrift shop. Do you have pictures of her as a baby with them before they passed. Or write out something lovely about them and how they would have loved her, frame it and build up a collection for her over the years. Birthdays, christmas, grad. (Infact as lm writing this lm gonna start to do that for my own kids ) Keep on doing what you are doing, you sound like a great mum.

I would speak to my parents if I were you. Tell them what you have said here. What on earth is up with them? I don't know how they could miss so much. I love every minute with my granddaughter, if I were a neighbour of yours I would like to be friend your daughter. I've heard of adapt a granny I don't know if that exists anywhere near you? I feel very sorry for both you and your daughter, as someone else said I would buy your daughter extra as its so unfair. But definitely speak to your parents you have nothing to lose.

Acer that is a very good idea. "Adopt a gran" would be wonderful. I know of an old man without family whose carer takes him in at Christmas and he has a lovely day and meal with her and her two young boys, He is like a grandad to them, and gives them boxes of chocs as a present. They give him little gifts too.

@Acer what a great idea!

My only grandmother lived close by but was not a close happy person. Presents comprised school uniform items, particularly knickers! I found out some years later, long after she died, that her other grandchildren, living miles away, loved her long visits and the trips and adventures she took them on, she seemed a totally different person. I missed all that and it still hurts if I think about it. Accept the situation and work round your parents. It will be their loss.