DD returning to work

After not looking after a young baby for approximately 35 years, I was very anxious about looking after my DGS as a baby, and now aged four years old.
I remember he had to have his naps at certain times, and it wasn’t always possible to get him of. Also, I had to sit with him until he fell asleep which I found very boring. If he didn’t have his naps for any reason, Dd would get upset and angry.
I came to dread it.
Now he is a little bit older and goes to school. But if ever I’m asked to look after him, I refuse to take him out on my own as he just loves running of and it’s so worrying. He can be very defiant and boisterous.
But occasionally we have some nice time together. If only he could sit still for two minutes!!

Glammargran I felt exactly the same as you before I started looking after my GD. That was last September and she was about 14months. I have her for a day and a half a week. At first I was petrified she would get hurt during my care and I watched her every move! But as the weeks have passed I have bonded so much with her and although of course I’m still very attentive when she’s here I am much more relaxed and I enjoy it so much. Yes I’m absolutely exhausted when the day is over but I feel so good as well . I feel good for being able to help my daughter and happy that I have such a lovely relationship with my GD. Give it a little time and you will probably be feeling the same. It’s a lovely time that passes so quickly and you will always have a special bond with your grandchild ?.

Oh Glammagran, I do understand where you are coming from! When I think of how relaxed I was with raising my own child, compared with my anxiety at caring for our small DGC, I wonder how DS ever survived! Our DGC are now teenagers, but when they were younger, I was always anxious if I was going to be looking after them. Once we were all together however, I found that we were so busy, and the time flew by so fast, that I didn't have time to think about this. I was probably more cautious than I would have been with DS, but that's the way I managed things - sometimes we had to cite "Grandma's rules" if we didn't "allow" what their parents did allow! (Like climbing high on a particularly large climbing frame.) Your anxiety shows how much you care - I expect that once you get into the "flow" of things, you will be fine. Have fun together!

Lots of good advice here from other gransnetters. We also used a backpack with a strap (as suggested by Dancinggran) for peace of mind. We struggled with the buggy too - especially the rain cover - but often a young parent would come to our rescue! Why don't you do a short 'first aid for children course' - most local authorities have them for a small fee - just to make you feel more confident?

My latest little charge is very inquisitive, at fourteen months she wanders around nosing into all the cupboards, as most of our downstairs is open plan, with a staircase at each end, I have to watch her like a hawk.

I agree, it’s exhausting!

I felt just as anxious as you and even now don't really like taking them in the car but what goes round comes round and since my recent shoulder replacement my now teenage grandchildren take my arm and I can feel them keeping an eye on me! I always used reins when they were first walking as they have no sense of direction but can move so quickly.

I looked after two of my grandchildren from when their mom went back to work after her maternity leave. I found I did worry more but my daughter trusted me. It is a lovely time and I took full advantage of library rattle and rhyme sessions and walks in the park. I too used the backpacks and we all insisted on hand holding and waiting at kerbs for crossing roads. My eldest granddaughter is now 9 and we laugh together over granny being more cautious than mommy, but they still take heed. I would say enjoy this precious time they grow up far too quick

Will GD be with you in your home? If so make sure you have everything safe.Stairs, cupboards, drawers, plugs. I had safety catches on them all as was terrified I'd turn my back and find a disaster. Baby monitor where GD will sleep. If you are going to DD home then you will ho with what is there. You will be fine, it will all come flooding back to you and just because your style may not match up to DDs it doesn't make it wrong. Nursery will be different as will other GPs. Children are very resilient,much more then we give them credit for. Go for it and enjoy, you are giving a great gift to DD and GD.

I remember I felt the same and still do, but too a lesser extent now. I think that once you have a few days under your belt you will start to enjoy it. That said, driving is an issue for me. I never had a car when my own children were small, so I do need to drive with them more than I do currently.

It is challenging to watch GC but it is a nice gift to AC.

Dancinggran I will definitely look into this.

Dancinggran I will definitely look into this

First reply didn’t appear!!

Hi, Your going to love it, eventually lol.You'll begin to relax as time goes by, I agree that the anxiety of it is more tiring than the physical part, although that's tiring too.Make sure you follow your daughters rules,if she has any, we didn't know we had any, until it was too late ! Backpacks are great, and you'll feel more confident.Have a practice session with the pushchair and car seat, they can be tricky.I'm not confident in driving the dgc around either as I'm too easily distracted, so I only go very short trips 2 or 3 miles at the most.Do whatever your happy with to start with.And remember to eat and drink yourself, I often forgot.

I think it’s perfectly natural to be thinking oh hope I can manage etc but you only do things that you feel comfortable doing, you will love it

The responsibility of looking after our grandchildren does feel different to the responsibility of looking after our own children did.

I am sure you will get on fine, but please make sure of the following points:

Your house is no longer geared to an infant!

Check that there are no flexes the little one can grab and perhaps pull a heavy lamp down onto herself. And check that electric sockets are child-proofed.

Fit a lock to the cupboards where cleaning materials or medicine is kept and keep the cupboards locked.

Make sure the little one cannot fall down stairs, or try to climb up them.

Child-proof windows, drawers where knives and scissors are kept.

Keep dressmaking shears, sewing machine, knitting needles, pins and needles somewhere where the child cannot reach them.

Keep tools likewise in a save place.

We have got out of the habit of thinking of the above as hazards, but better save than sorry.

Enjoy your time with your granddaughter, everything will be fine.

I've looked after DGD one day a week since she was a few weeks old. I've always driven her around. She'll be at school soon, so it'll be staying here for a few days every holiday.
Of course I was twitchy the first time I... fed her, carried her, took her out, had her stay at mine, took her swimming etc. We all were with our first child, but with the second, we wondered what all the fuss was about. A little worry is very normal. You will love it. Good luck

I absolutely relished the time I spent looking after my grandson for two days a week and my granddaughter when she was born five years later , for three days a week. Little lad was an absolute delight... he was an ‘easy peasy’ child. The little girl was awkward, outdoorsy,outgoing, noisy,indeed everything her brother wasn’t.... then I realised all I had to do was put on her coat,hat and boots... bought her a tiny wheelbarrow and a gardening tool set and open the back door. Out she went .... and three days a week for two years all I got was snails, worms, woodlice, spiders,grasshoppers, ladybirds, black beetles, every imaginable creepy crawly she could dig up, unearth, catch, would come my way in various boxes, Tupperware , at one stage I had to make a ‘castle’ to keep all the creepies in. I also remember packaging them one day,into large shoebox and taking them on the bus when I took her home to parents. She convinced me their garden had no creepies !! Although grandson was quieter and more studious and easy to be with.... I have the most wonderful memories of my two years with my wonderful, spirited granddaughter.... grab your chance .... shive on your wellies and your coats and enjoy this little girl for all it’s worth. Oh.... and but a garden tool set just in case!! Better than a pink Barbie anyway!!

I’ve looked after my GD since she was 3 months old. Completely understand your concerns. I developed a fear of taking her out that I never had with my DD. One day I just said I’m not becoming a prisoner in my own home. Popped her in the car armed myself with all the necessities and off we went. 1st time was only 2 hours now we go all over. She’s 7 months now and my husband is doing his first solo trip with her on Monday. I’m going along to support but unless he is really struggling I’m keeping out of it. It’s really is like riding a bike you’ll soon get your balance. Btw I do drive slower when she’s in the car. Good luck and overall enjoy !!

I look after my 2 GC and find it a far bigger responsibility than when i was looking after my own children - think it has something to do with having to answer to someone else. You’ve brought up children - you will be fine

Gosh how exciting and scary. I’d stay home and do it by little steps to start with. And then, you’ll soon be off and having a brilliant time together. And like someone else said, pushchairs and child seats are usually the trickiest part of the deal! Have fun and good luck. ?

I look after my grandson 2 days from 7 am until 1 pm. I have a lovely relationship with him but find it exhausting! At least there are two of you so that should make things a bit easier. I too am nervous about going out with him, I find getting him in and out of the car seat requires more strength than I have and worry about not being able to catch him if he ran off . I was never like this with my own but think its due to age, I am far more anxious than I've ever been, it's such a huge responsibility.

When I first started looking after GD now 4 I felt physically sick with anxiety. I still get anxious and now look after her younger sibling too but usually only one at a time. I think it is natural to feel anxious it is a big responsibility but do not let it spoil the chance to have some amazing fun times together. You will be fine, don't push yourself to do too much try and relax, enjoy your time together and come back and tell us how you are getting on. x

Enjoy it I looked after all three DGS's and if its only for 1 day don't do anything but be with GD my DGS would come with me to meet friends for coffee or lunch they loved the attention I would go to the park, swimming, farms, zoo's etc you may be older and a bit slower but just enjoy it time flies bye my last one will start school september then they are gone. You have a special place in their lives Enjoy

SueDonim - I too have some physical deficits - so I never lugged my GC around. They each came to me at an age when they were crawling or starting to walk and the rule was always "Grandma cannot lift me so I have to do it myself."

They would climb into their pushchairs or on and off a chair, with a gentle push from behind from me. They knew the rule. They did not bat an eyelid about it and just got on with it.