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Old friend I never see

(8 Posts)
Buffy Mon 03-Feb-20 11:43:45

I have a friend I’ve known for more than 45 years. We used to live in the same town but over the years have moved miles apart. We have kept in touch by mail and now email and she always says it would be lovely to meet up, BUT even when she is within 5 miles of where we now live she never tells me until AFTER her visit. That seems very odd. I’m feeling quite hurt about it and have told her so. Why does she bother to keep writing? Should I just give up on her ?

Bellanonna Mon 03-Feb-20 12:11:03

But at least she tells you Buffy. She’s not being secretive. Why don’t you suggest that next time she’s visiting not too far away, that she lets you know and you could meet up there, or somewhere else nearby where there’s (let’s say) a teashop, or a pub for lunch. ?

vampirequeen Mon 03-Feb-20 12:14:31

I wouldn't give up on such a long friendship. You could tell her how you feel but would that change anything? I would say something more along the lines of, "It's a shame we didn't get chance to meet up when you were at * but that's just one of those things. A good friendship is more that seeing each other face to face and that's what we have." Just thinking you may want to word it differently as that sounds quite passive aggressive but you get my drift.

Namsnanny Mon 03-Feb-20 12:23:02

Could you set up a visit at her place? Explain you will travel to her, without her having to do anything towards your visit.
See what her reaction is and if positive do it.
Then the ball is firmly in her court from then on.
You might get an answer from her face to face as well.

rosenoir Mon 03-Feb-20 12:57:39

Maybe there are time constraints on those visits or she is with somebody else that makes it awkward.

I can speak to a friend for 3 hours at a time on the phone but when we meet conversation doesnt flow.

MamaCaz Mon 03-Feb-20 13:48:44

I often find myself in your friend's position when visiting my mum.

An old schoolfriend (whose company I really enjoy on the very rare occasions we do get together) often says to let her know when I am up there, and says that she will pop over to see me (lives about 30 mins away).
The trouble is that once I am at Mum's, I feel she wants all of my attention, and I feel a bit guilty at the thought of organizing something that's primarily for me rather than her, so I never get round to contacting my friend, even though I would love to see her.

I'm afraid now that my friend feels like you do, Buffy sad

Buffy Mon 03-Feb-20 18:24:23

Thank you for your thoughts. My friend now lives about 5 hours away but I will think about going to see a cousin in that direction and asking the friend if we can meet up. Maybe I’m being too sensitive. She’s always saying we should meet ‘before it’s too late’ so I’ll find out if she means it.

Floradora9 Tue 04-Feb-20 16:50:30

I had a very close school friend whom I saw from time to time when we ended up in the came town . Mostly my fault we lost touch some years ago when we moved away and last week I decidied to google her name to see if she came up . It did come up but it was a death notice and I felt really bad that I had not known and had not bothered to keep up the friendship.