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A bit of a dilemma.

(16 Posts)
felice Sat 04-Apr-20 16:14:29

Hi folks some positive advice needed.
I am a member(one of the first) of a ladies meet up network here. It is aimed at those living here alone, need a bit of a social life and newcomers.
I have been active form the beginning, 3 years ago, organising lunches, coffee mornings, walks and Museum visits with Children etc.
The first time I met the woman who started the group was on a very wet wild winters evening in an Irish Pub for a dinner.
I took a taxi as it is a complicated journey on public transport.
She started by lecturing me on the PT system here, telling me I could have used it, really patronising, I retaliated by telling here that after living here for 23 years with no car I knew that.
She went in a huff and I moved to another table.
She has constantly made sarcastic, patronising, ageist comments about me on the site. Now someone posted a cupcake icing demonstration online and I posted 'going', the only way to confirm any kind of acceptance.
Oh boy, I got "Felice !!!!! you do understand you cannot actually attend this event in person, perhaps you do not understand the problems just now, then a long lecture on the rules at the moment.
I retaliated, also informing her that my SIL is risking his life everyday to ensure everyone has food on their tables. That I am not stupid and unless she changed the way to reply to posts how else do we respond, 15 other people had also responded but it was only me she targeted.
Sorry this is so long but what now?. Do I contact her by PM or let it go. I am one of the main event organisers in the group actually organising an event every week and really enjoy it, I have made a lot of good friends too.
There are more than 2000 ladies in the group.
Now she has blocked me from commenting on the site, openly, and I am a bit lost in what to do next ???

glammanana Sat 04-Apr-20 16:26:32

Oh Felice she does seem to have got herself in a right old strop has she not realised the demo is virtual ??
Is she the organiser of your group if not then who gave her the sergeants strips to remove you from commenting.
I would let your other friends know that you have been " discommunicated" so they know that you are interested and see what happens.
Was she head girl in school or what sounds a

AGAA4 Sat 04-Apr-20 16:27:26

This sounds like a personality clash and I would send her a PM to say that for the good of the group you need to get on together and she should behave in a more professional manner.
Even if you don't like each other there is no reason for her to not be polite. Don't put up with bullying.

Callistemon Sat 04-Apr-20 16:29:48

Now she has blocked me from commenting on the site,
Does she have the power to do that, is she the administrator of the site?

I always think it is so wrong to ponder online about the possibility of someone have a personality disorder but I wonder in this case if she has, seemingly having difficulty in interpreting situations and other people's conversation?

Do you have contact with other members of the group, your good friends, who may be able to shed some light on this. It could be just a personality clash but her reactions seem somewhat robotic.

It does seem very wrong and upsetting, particularly at this time when we may rely on online contact.

I think you need to speak to one of your good friends from the group.

felice Sat 04-Apr-20 16:42:59

Thank you, she set the group up in the first instance but seldom attends events, the idea is that ladies in the group organise an 'event' and post invites on the site.
It works well as it encourages people who have just arrived in Brussels or have been here for a while to get out and meet more people. Especially young women who like to meet us oldies for advice etc.
Others have also commented on her attitude, it is ladies only !!!!!
When another lady and I went to a charity quiz night and there were only 2 of us, we joined up with 3 Spanish students, we took a photo to post on the site, obligatory, there was a young man in it and she went mental. Another time a single parent brought her 9 year old son to a lunch and she was really rude to her and banned her from the group.
I know her family circumstances and they seem fine, just a control freak perhaps???

felice Sat 04-Apr-20 16:46:05

Meant to say everyone knows I am banned from commenting etc as she made it an open highlighted post on the main site.

BlueBelle Sat 04-Apr-20 17:05:21

Blimey she sounds like the queen in Alice in Wonderland “off with his head”
I d have trouble tolerating her what do the others in the group think to her draconian ways

annsixty Sat 04-Apr-20 17:22:31

Do you have enough support to start a rival group.?
If she seldom attends anything she is hardly going to miss out.
She sounds like a particularly unpleasant bully.

Jane10 Sat 04-Apr-20 17:31:59

I'm with annsixty on this. Time for a breakaway group. Good luck with
it ☘

V3ra Sat 04-Apr-20 17:34:04

She sounds a nightmare!
Is it a Facebook group or WhatsApp?
Either way I'd quietly set another group up and send all the other members a private message inviting them to join.
The way things stand you won't be able to participate in the current group anyway so you've got nothing to lose.

Elegran Sat 04-Apr-20 17:36:42

Would any of the other ladies who use the site post a message that starts "As Felice can no longer post on here, she has asked me to add this statement . . . " where you give your side of the story? That is if you don't think it would make it worse!

I agree with others. Time to leave - and anyone else who has had enough of her dictatorial attitude can leave with you.

Greymar Sat 04-Apr-20 17:36:50

How odd and horrible. Your group sounds awonderful thing.

eazybee Sat 04-Apr-20 17:39:54

How can she block you from the site?

Elegran Sun 05-Apr-20 09:46:42

If she is the admin of a site, she can block people posting on it. If it is a private group, she can prevent members from seeing it too.

felice Sun 05-Apr-20 10:53:50

It is a private FB group, and she is admin, what I have never understood is that she never attends any of the organised functions. The only thing she attends is the monthly dinner which she organises in an Irish pub. She got a few complaints about that as she was openly advertising but when another lady suggested a wine tasting she cancelled it because it was advertising the company. We went anyway and is was a really great afternoon.
I think she just likes to manipulate people from a distance.
We had a virtual BBQ yesterday evening with friends from the group and one lady has posted a photo of her and her husband joining in so we will wait and see what she says.
There are a lot of ladies groups here but most of them are for networking, and very much for younger Ladies. This was the reason she set the group up in the first place, purely social and all age groups.
I will keep you posted on what happens, thanks for reading, I feel better today and will spend the day in the garden, funnily enough a play afternoon for children from the group was organised here this afternoon.
Later in the year perhaps.

Puzzled Sun 24-May-20 17:46:56

Bullies tend to give up when they find that they are being ignored. If there is no one to bully / patronise, life loses meaning for them.
Take all your friends in the group and start your own. You can do all the things that you would have done in the original group, except feel humiliated.
If she finds out so what? She may realise that her behaviour is not acceptable. AND, most importantly, don't let her join the new group, or she'll start all over again.