My daughter in law won't let us see our grandson after we brought him up first 5 years of his life

Your son needs to get practical and legal advice about his rights and responsibilities. His case carries more clout than yours, but obviously it will be to your benefit too.

You could start by looking for online support groups and information. A solicitor should be able to advise him and he coud also try Citizens' Advice.

*could, not coud!

it looks like your DIL was working for her FAMILY ,like most young women do.The days of stay at home mothers are long gone maybe you need to see that.She wasn't putting her work first she was doing her best for them all.I have cared for all my GC from they were 2 or 3 weeks old but I'm just their gran their mothers must have the final say in all that I do with them .Maybe you need to take a step back,did you allow your MIL rights over your child?

This must be so hard for you. I don't have any advice except to say to urge your son to seek advice as Septimia says.

I didn't just want to read and not comment. Your DGS will be the one missing out too on this wider, loving family.
Perhaps she is jealous of your relationship with him, trying hard to establish one with him herself but having difficulties as she has not been so close to him until recently.

Ps I wouldn't go round there, much as you want to see your DGS.

Your son needs to get some legal advice Butt. He has rights as the child's father and if necessary will need to fight for those rights for the sake of his son.

As Callistemon has posted it's the little boy who is missing out here. Why oh why do some parents chose to use their children in this way! Jealousy could well be a factor here too but there's no point in being jealous of the relationship a child has developed with someone else, because for what ever reason, you weren't there as often as the person you're jealous of was.

Thanks for your message but she earned and kept her money and did not spend a penny on her son or husband we were not allowed to ask about her money.
My worry is she does not act in his best interest never has and does not know her son asshe never wanted to be apart of his life until now.

"Talking nonsense, like he came out of her tummy not mine"

Did your grandson live permanently with you for five years?

Yes I didn't understand that either phoenix maybe English is not the OP's first language as some of her post was difficult to follow.

I'm sorry to hear how strained relationships have become Butt I think you need to step back and let things cool down. It does sound as if your daughter in law is jealous of your relationship with your grandson. It really is up to your son to take action if he is being abused by his wife. Be there if they need help or support but otherwise leave them to sort things out.

Butt It is your son needs who needs to get some legal advice and move things forward so that his rights as a father and most importantly your Grandchild's rights are met!!

You are understandably upset but I do think you need to try and see your role as supporting your son as he works to establish the best relationships and scenario for his son. By doing that you will also be supporting your grandson.

I am not sure why you think that your DIL telling her son thqt he came from her tummy rather than his grandmother's is nonsense! It is actually just factual! I am wondering if she said it in the context of being upset or angry because of other things going on. It might be worth thinking about that to help you decide how to move forward in your support role

I have the same question as hetty58, did your gs live with you full time?

Your son needs a lawyer.

Why was your gs in your care for five years?

Butt -- You say you 'brought him up' which means to me, you were one of his caregivers and/or played a large role in the child's life. That is hugely different from being a legal guardian. I would assume if you were the legal guardian you would have stated that, due to the overwhelming relevance of being in that position.

I was bring my grandson up for my son as his wife as she was busy with her work which was always put first then her son. But we all knew she did not want the responsibility as they had him 9months after the wedding. -- This is filler/distraction and smearing...

She started talking nonsense to him like he came out of her tummy not mine. -- Have you been suggesting/acting/telling your grand-son You are his "real" mother? Do you believe it is "nonsense" for his birth mother to tell him that SHE is his biological mother because she actually IS? If you answered 'yes' to either of those questions...

last week knocked on her door my grandson let me in by accident, she got very abusive, -- So you went, uninvited (I assume) to you DiL's home... Upon arrival you knocked on the door and your grandson opened it. Instead of asking him to 'ask the adult of the house' if it was okay for you to enter, you just walked in. Your DiL got "very abusive" at finding you in her home unexpectedly and then you blaming your grandson for his 'accident'/innocence instead of owning what you did? I'd say Her reaction was justified and then some.

Sounds like you did the bulk of babysitting while she worked. I'm doubting she didn't financially support her child. She probably started stepping in more when she realized that having you around was far too overbearing and stressful. This "tug of war" only exists if you are on the other end, pulling. Sounds like you were trying to play mom, it backfired and now you are upset.

It’s difficult to side with either of these ladies, when we don’t know them. The DIL could have been happy to pass responsibility onto nanny as it may have been convenient at the time, some mums don’t automatically bond with their child. Equally the lady writing this post could be an over powering MIL, on the other hand she could be a fab nanny and is looking out for her son and cgtandchild. None of us will know and we should really make judgements... but I do believe you should back off a touch as if you are not legal guardian there is no more you can do than to support your son and when he is ready and strong enough he will fight his own corner. Maybe they both still feel for eachother? Again, something nanny will never know the extent of because he may not open his heart up to mum. It’s a completely separate relationship

Sorry.... NOT make judgements