Advice regarding stubborn dad

Yes, it is your place, so try to talk to him about this again.

I suggest you start by telling him that you have noticed that he misses a lot of what is going on (being said) if there are many people in a room, or background noise.

Mention the sound level of the TV and that it is too loud for the rest of the family, if it suits him.

Say it worries you to see him being and feeling left out.

Explain that hearing aids are so discreet these days that they are far less easy for others to spot than previously.

Offer to make an appointment for him, either with his G.P. or with a hearing clinic.

If he is still obstinate, then is the time to mention that you feel he is no longer really capable of looking after your children, as you are terrified by the thought that he might miss something really important that a child says to him.

If that doesn't work, then I am sadly afraid the only thing you can do is to make other arrangements for child-care and stick to them. Doing so might just bring home to him what he is missing.

My husband took upon himself the difficult task of telling my mother that she was no longer fit to drive. These tasks fall to our lot, as the child of elderly parents. They have to be done, but none of us enjoying having to do them.

Might your father be more willing to listen to your husband? My mother would listen neither to me, nor my sister, but she did listen to her son-in-law.

Re TV and radio, my mother had headphones that plugged into them so we could all sit in the same room and comfortably hear the programme!

My son in law lost 90% of his hearing virtually overnight through illness. He wears hearing aids in both ears and says, "I wear glasses to help my eyesight what's wrong with wearing hearing aids to help my hearing" Too many people see them as some sort of stigma, same way braces on your teeth used to be when I was young, now they seem to be a status symbol

my husband is the same, subtitles on the tv, struggles to follow a conversation, and shouts down a phone.
He got hearing aids about 5 yrs ago but wont wear them as people will see them.
Talk about stubborn and pig headed.

I wear hearing aids and have done for nearly 25 years and I am only 61 now.
Hearing aids have changed so much in the last few years and can now be quite small. NHS hearing aids are now digital which makes them much better than they used to be and can help far more people than they used to be able to.
You do feel isolated when you cannot hear and I do believe he is just in denial that has gone on too long.
Perhaps you can suggest he has a hearing test to prove that he can hear and you won't make him have them. I think he will be surprised how much more he can hear. The audiologist would help him understand.
As far as TV goes having cordless headphones has always been my saviour.

Does he wear specs? Tell him it's just like wearing those for reading or long distance. Also, if he drives, impaired hearing could be dangerous if he doesn't hear, for instance, horns or sirens.

Does he know that a hearing aid worn by a deaf person helps to keep the brain active? Not hearing properly increases mental decline in old age, because of the isolation and difficulty of socialising. I can't recall where I read reports of this research, but I'm sure a bit of googling would find it. Telling my OH this has encouraged him to wear his hearing aid!

Lots of good advice here and I just want to add my own experience in case it helps. I resisted hearing aids for a long time - but when I finally went for a test and hearing aids were prescribed (free) I decided to use them from the moment of receiving them, all day every day, and found they made such a difference that I was bowled over. I've never minded people seeing my hearing aids - for me its paralell to wearing glasses - but actually they don't show much if at all. You do need to put olive oil in your ears to stop the build up of wax and in the past I'd hated doing this, because for a while it made my hearing worse - so was delighted when told about Earol which has a small 'pump' and puts a measured couple of drops of olive oil into your ear, without 'drowning' your hearing. And yes, you can pay at Specsavers to have the softened wax gently vacuumed out. I did this once, to enable the necessary test, but have not needed to do it again. I hope your Dad goes ahead and gets hearing aids - it will transform life for him - sadly it seems as if he has got into a place where he feels "don't you tell me what to do", which makes it harder. I wish you and him well.

I had hearing aids at 58 years old and wouldn’t be without them. They’re not perfect but have made a big improvement in clarity of hearing for me. I also no longer need the tv turned up very loud - improvement for my family too.
I had a free test at Specsavers, in some areas they provide free nhs aids. I went to the GP with my result and had another test by nhs who said the same as Specsavers.
Shortly after I had my new aids.
Hearing loss is known to start when people are in their fifties so your DD has done well.

You've somehow got to make him think it is his idea?? I have had hearing aids since I was in my 50's and have been very grateful for them. Maybe if he could watch the recent threads about Eastenders where a young man has recently got hearing problems?

Babyshark - tell him THIS: In a study, published in 2014, Dr Frank Lin showed that the cognitive abilities of people with hearing loss declined 30 to 40 percent faster than in people with normal hearing.
A 2011 study of some 600 older adults found that those with hearing loss at the beginning of the study were more likely to develop dementia than adults with normal hearing.
In fact, the more severe the hearing loss, the more likely they were to develop dementia; volunteers with mild, moderate and severe loss were two, three and five times more likely to develop dementia than those with normal hearing. If there's one thing an older person fears more than appearing 'old', it's dementia! Further papers have been published on the matter since then, and all confirm the link.

I have high frequency deafness and was initially given 2 aids, one for each ear when I was 18 (did have one when I was much younger at school in Australia), though I have only worn 1 in my worst ear since then. I'm now 60.

You might pick up some useful information here. actiononhearingloss.org.uk/
They're also on Facebook & Twitter.

I think the message about wearing glasses is a good one. Would he refuse a pacemaker if he needed one, or a walking stick? Why are some people so vain about not wearing hearing aids? I just wanted to add that I had an elderly relative who would not wear hearing aids, became completely isolated from life and developed dementia. I am absolutely convinced the two are connected, as I saw the progression and connection myself, and I believe there are studies connecting hearing loss and dementia. This relative could not hear me and eventually I couldn't shout any louder! I often left the house with a headache and a sore throat even after a short visit. Many people will not increase their volume and many physically can't. Please talk some sense into your father and absolutely refuse to increase your normal talking volume now so he realises how much his hearing has deteriorated. I went to Boots for a hearing test, it's free and it was done at the same time I needed glasses. They did not try to sell me a hearing aid and encouraged me to go back to the doctor for further investigation. I could then tell the doc what they said so he referred me straight to the hospital. Maybe your father would find a shop an easier experience than going to the doctor initially. Good luck.

We had a similar problem with my mother in law who refused to acknowledge that she had a hearing problem and denied it anytime we mentioned it to her. It wasn’t until her friends began to say to her that they thought she needed to get her hearing tested that she agreed. It turned out she had a large hole in an eardrum and limited hearing in the other ear. She then accepted hearing aids. Maybe a word to one of his friends in his social circle might help where family has failed.

My late mother had hearing aids but couldn’t be bothered to wear them’ and it got to the stage that I stopped having chit-chat with her and just shouted to her anything that was important.
However, my late father-in-law got hearing aids when he was in his late 70’s and said he hadn’t realised what he had been missing.
Of course, there is another problem now in that very few doctors or hospitals do hearing tests. Perhaps if he wears spectacles he could get his hearing tested when he next goes to an optician that also supplies hearing aids - Boots, SpecSavers, etc.

A referral from your GP is difficult in this climate

Not necessarily. I spoke to mine by phone on Thursday and drew his attention to a consultant's letter that recommended a Dexa scan. He agreed to refer me for it, though in the circumstances it would take time.
So, if your dad can be persuaded to ask your GP for a referral, it could be done by phone call.

I’ve worn hearing aids from the age of four. Remember the great big box that you clipped on the front of your clothing! I was the first child to be given a behind the ear hearing aids at the age of eleven through our health authority. Hearing aids have massively improved and mine has Bluetooth so I can listen to music and television directly through the aids. You cannot see them as they are very tiny with little plugs instead of the sweaty horrible ear moulds that smelled of cheesy feet when you took them out. I charge them on a docking station as they have internal batteries. My children grew up and learned to look at me when they spoke but they obviously used my hearing to their advantage at times. If I cannot wear them for whatever reason like ear infections etc I feel excluded, isolated and lonely. I do remove them to read books or want to concentrate on something as maybe I have not the ability to shut out distracting sounds. A lot of people do not like having to repeat themselves over again admittedly neither do I. It’s frustrating and your dad probably is being stubborn. I went to a neighbours party one year and one of the guests was talking about her elderly mother refusing to wear such things as it was demeaning and said people will think she is dumb and they were all finding it amusing. She didn’t realise I wore one and I remember thinking that there seems to be a stigma against hearing aids and people feel ashamed. If your dad likes music etc then tell him there are some amazing hearing aids that enable him to enjoy this through Bluetooth. Mine are private and were quite expensive but I personally feel they were worth it. I am severely deaf and will never hear as a hearing person even with hearing aids but they help me feel part of this world. I had speech training so many people do not even know I wear them. I hope your dad goes for a hearing test.

There are others to boost his hearing without using hearing aids. There is a nifty little gadget called Pocketalker and may be used to hear the tv or conversations and even has a built in t coil so say at the cinema or theatre where an Induction Loop has been installed it then receives audio from the loop. One thing with the small hearing aids they do not have a t coil so the wearer cannot access audio via the loop.

A referral from your GP is difficult in this climate, but your Dad s deafness could be regarded by the practice as a priority due to the safety issue: grandchildren hearing traffic etc.Whilst waiting for the referral, applying some warmed olive oil would nt do any harm to soften any wax which at this stage could be so hard that removal by syringing at that stage would damage the ear drum due to the wax sticking to it.Think of the Dad in Captain Correli s Mandolin the wax looked looked like a small stone.Then of course after that he could hear and realised he did nt want to hear his wife !!!
Of course your Dad has to be persuaded .Something will decide for him I reckon .
An example ,I knew someone who persuaded her reluctant Dad a hearing aid was needed by telling him something important .It was to tell him that a well loved nephew was visiting from America .She told him a few times in increasing decibels but he still did nt hear.So my friend left it.Nephew arrived, Dad thought that everyone knew about it except him.Thought it was a surprise.That was his way of dealing with it .Well we did tell you several times we all wrote down !!Result straight to GP s this nephew from the states had a very soft voice too,that was the motivation to come out of denial.
Fingers crossed!

Given the subject I love the ‘ shouting himself in the foot ‘ auto correct Twiceasnice! People are all different, my husband resisted, so in the end I just stopped repeating myself or adjusting my voice until he got fed up enough to accept the situation. Conversely DD who started to go deaf at 32 dealt with it promptly, with no fuss and considerable grace, proud of her? You bet I am !

I had this problem with my mum, in the end I booked a hearing test for myself and her but asked them if she could come in with me and that they suggest she has a test while she’s there as they had a spare slot (the one I’d booked for her) as I explained to them the problem. I then invited her to come out shopping with me and once we were out I said I just had to pop in for my test. She now has a hearing aid although she won’t wear it all the time and takes it out if there is a lot of people around as she says having to listen to everyone gives her a headache. Personally I think she just doesn’t want to join in.

babyshark Do try and persuade your Dad to get checked out. My DH was suffering severe dizziness and being fitted with hearing aids actually substantially alleviated the problem. I am slightly deaf and wear in-ear aids which are unobtrusive. The other issue is that impaired hearing can lead to mental confusion, an outcome that nobody wants. Plus a visit to the audio audiologist means an ear wax removal session as well. All good.

Phloembundle, I disagree about the expensive hearing aids. My mother spent tens of thousands on them, then lost them or couldn't get used to them.

When she was in hospital, struggling to communicate, she got free NHS ones and said they were the best ones she'd ever had!

Maybe he needs friends outside of family to talk to about getting older As his hearing loss denial may just be part of the problem. My next door neighbour wears 2 hearing aids and he is only in his early forties. He doesn’t let it affect his work or his life so
maybe your fathers fears go a little deeper. I hope this works out for you

It’s definitely your place! I am 65 and I have severe hearing loss. I have had a heart aid for 10 years now, it doesn’t bother me at all, my dad was hard of hearing and as he lived in France, we relied on telephone conversations a lot but I couldn’t get much out of him as he couldn’t hear me and also he had become socially withdrawn. I remember telling him he needed a hearing aid and he had the same reaction as your dad so I said to him: You wear glasses Dad , well it the same and it shows less, you would never think going out without your glasses!!!He eventually got some hearing aids but them the problem was making sure he wore them all the time. People would need to know , I know that now!!! that hearing aid although being helpful are not perfect, it doesn’t replace totally your hearing but it’s important to wear them so your brain re-adjusts otherwise it becomes lazy. I find that with mine but before I got the hearing aid I was starting to not go out to the restaurant ... with my friends. It’s still not perfect but at least I can hear the birds sing!!!!! And my grandson! Mine are nhs so they’re free. I was told that the private ones are more or less the same. Work on it with your dad and good luck , he can’t be more stubborn than my dad and my father in law!