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Advice regarding stubborn dad

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twinnytwin Fri 05-Jun-20 10:48:57

My Dad was exactly the same. He said that his golfing pals all teased one another if one of the club members wore hearing aids. In the end, Dad got them and it changed his life. It is so isolating when you can't hear. I know how it is if I get blocked ears with a cold. I definitely think you should speak to him again. There are many different types of hearing aids out there to choose from and some are very discreet. He doesn't have to have the NHS ones if he can afford others. First thing he needs to do though is to have a test. Good luck.

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OceanMama Fri 05-Jun-20 10:45:31

You can talk to him about it but he has to be the one to decide to do something. Sometimes you just have to let it go and let them get to the point they are ready to do something themselves. It's frustrating when it could be fixed if he just got the help, but you can't make him.

If you have safety concerns with child minding and have talked to him and refuses to do anything, then, as the parent, you have every right and responsibility to not allow him to care for your child. It will be hard to make him sad about that, but your children's safety is important.

My friend got a hearing aid in her late 40s. Hardly old. I hope your father will decide to do something to help himself. It sounds like he is in denial about aging.

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Babyshark Fri 05-Jun-20 10:35:45

Hi all,
I need advice about how to talk to my dad and in fact whether it’s my place to talk to him. Actually it’s also a bit of a aibu. Sorry lots of requests there!

My dad is 69, semi retired and works part time. Does some childcare for me also.

His hearing has been declining for years and he had been adamant that he doesn’t want to get his hearing checked or see a GP but I do know he’s tried little things like wax remover in the hope it’s a simple fix but really it’s not.

He has a small social life but he relies on and enjoys the family social events and we all see each other frequently (in normal times).

His hearing is so bad now that it’s impacting on his ability to take part. He can’t hear conversations if there is any ambient noise, he feels left out and feels we leave him out despite everyone considering him to try and enable him to hear and get involved. If we are at home he wants the radio or tv on so loud that it’s literally uncomfortable for everyone else.

We have been at events where there are lots of people and he sits there feeling sorry himself because we are laughing and joking as a group but there is no chance whatsoever for him to take part.

He wants to support with child care and although it’s a massive help for me, financially we could manage nursery but he’s a brill grandad and he likes the company. My daughters love him but as they get older I worry his hearing impacts on their safety as they get older.

We have encouraged him for years to get his hearing tested and he keeps saying he’s not old enough for a hearing aid (not even sure if that would be the right solution). He’s not joking, he thinks hearing aids are for “old” people and by getting one he will suddenly decline in health and drop dead in a year - I’m not being flippant.

So.... aibu to raise this with him again. It’s sad that he’s so isolated and I can’t help but think going to the gp could literally be life changing for him.

Is it my place? Parents are separated but very friendly however my mum has given up because she feels he’s making a choice to isolate himself and that’s that.

How do I shift this mindset that a hearing aid or a gp appointment isn’t the beginning of the end for him confused!?

Thank you.

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