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(8 Posts)
NanaTuesday Sun 21-Jun-20 10:03:46

I am more than slightly confused ,
I have my eldest GG staying aged 13 , due to Family Circumstances during this Lockdown Period l she came on Wednesday with my DD & 2 Other GD’s .All was fine ,so I thought my GD is a dream she has currently just started her GCSE School Work & has ensconced herself in our Summerhouse doing her work .
So far so good.
Yesterday we went to the beach for the afternoon . Enroute home I called my Daughter ( We normally speak daily & she often calls me two or three times a day ) we hadn’t heard from her & when I spoke she was what I interpreted as “off” with me , said she had to go as the youngest GD was waiting to use her phone ( don’t get me started on that one !)
We Spoke again much later once we had arrived home - I asked to have a word after she had spoken to GD .
This is where it became odd- There had been a communication breakdown as before GD came my DD said she wanted GD to stay for a week , that was obviously fine . However when she dropped her here she then said GD would want to go home Sat or Sunday , any of this was fine - not a problem . Anyway I had spoken to GD we discussed it she said she was happy to stay - She spoke to DD & told her this .
Yet ,I still had to reiterate it when I spoke to DD . That settled DD then said,“ I hope she Is eating healthily,” to which my response was whet do you mean ? DD said not eating Biscuits , Snacks & Bread . I was actually insulted & upset by this though I didn’t say so . I added that No she hadn’t had any bread As we don’t have any & only 2 Boscuits yesterday . What I didn’t add was that both my Husband & I had a conversation with GD yesterday about what she hadn’t eaten yesterday (ie she didn’t seem to of eaten anything) We’d made Cheese Salad Wraps to take with & had the obligatory Chips on the Beach . But I was concerned as GD didn’t eat any of the wraps .
Anyway , I don’t mention this to my now really moody sounding DD .Actually I would of done but not in earshot of GD . It made me think that maybe she was concerned Bout GD eating habits (?) Which tbh DD should of informed me of .
She then went on to say , Had Grandad been round to take her out for “ Excercise” ? This being something she had pre arranged apparently, I said “ no we hadnt seen or heard from him “ ., but I added we had been out walking all day today , to which she added “ I’m not talking about a Dog Walk “ We also have the Family Dog 🐕 as it’s easier for my Daughter she doesn’t have to worry about him being walked as well .
It took me ages to get to sleep & when I woke this was the first thing on my mind .
Of course I was insulted by her Healthy Eating Comment & we never eat let alone have junk food in the house . We took Hula Hoops out with us & Water which my GD Drinks .
I know my Daughter is worried about the effects of Lockdown on my 13year old GD she is not at school & has spent a lot of time on her own at home which is why she is here now. To get her out of the house , which to be fair she had started doing so in the last two weeks .
This may sound like a flash in the pan , but I know my Daughter & her tone was definitely off yesterday. On both occasions when she said I have to go she indicated that she was giving her phone to her 7yr Old to film a dance & the. That she was watching something on TV with her ( This last was at a time the 7yr old should of been in bed ) I didn’t mention this but it does bug me also got with other things , but I keep to myself & have a moan to my Husband .
Btw the 7&9 year olds run my Daughter Ragged - they have been at School throughout as my Daughter is a Key Worker . I know she is worried about them as well & the fact that they are also on whatever electronic gadget they can get their hands on .Rather than playing as they used to . From what I hear this is a Lockdown Issue .
I suppose none of this is a real issue it’s just that I got short shrift of whatever was the problem without knowing what the problem was .
On the whole we get on Re close - DD has always had this thing with her Parenting where they have to go somewhere do something she pushes GD’s the eldest Runs she also plays Netball is a Team Captain . Obviously this has all changed for now
Sorry for the rant & I imagine that I will get responses about how she is worried m concerned etc etc ,- but this was beyond that & Yes she has a Partner .
Last time she was like this to me on the phone - I pulled her up on it & it was because I’d said something that she didn’t like ! God , I feel it’s so hard at times . We bring our Children up & hope we’ve done a good job ,which I considered I have .

Oopsadaisy3 Sun 21-Jun-20 11:50:17

Do you think you are being over sensitive? Best to talk face to face than worry over a phone call.
Your GD sounds fine , so concentrate on her for the time she is with you and have fun.

Namsnanny Fri 26-Jun-20 09:53:43

NannaTuesday ... I think I'd feel similar to you in this situation.
Have you managed to resolve anything with your daughter yet?
Dont worry too much if she doesnt want to say anything, just talk it out with others in private if you can.
Or alternatively vent on GN (presuming you can remIn anonymous)smile

Best wishes

lemongrove Fri 26-Jun-20 11:12:38

I think you areconfused.....13 year olds don’t do GCSE work, and chips and hula hoops don’t come in on the healthy eating menu.

lemongrove Fri 26-Jun-20 11:27:27

Since our DGC are not our own children, we all have to go along with a parent on how to treat them and feed them.

BlueBelle Fri 26-Jun-20 12:31:51

I think you are over reacting to be honest if I got into. a tizz every time I was wrong in the eyes of one of my adult kids!
Id take it all with a pinch of salt When the children were smaller and I was looking after them I d ask for guidance and follow it to a point but if I went off track I wouldnt get uptight about it They were always very thankful I d had them so I can’t remember getting any grief
Why feel insulted when you were asked if she’s eating healthily surely mother’s could say that without it being insulting
I can’t see anything in your post that sounds more than reasonably normal in these abnormal times I think your being ultra sensitive Enjoy your granddaughter s time with you and chill out
As regards the 7 year old and the phone and dance I expect she’s with her friends on Tik Tok what all the kids are doing it for a bit of fun In this time that’s not much fun for kids
Just relax and enjoy your days with your granddaughter

Hithere Fri 26-Jun-20 13:13:02

I am confused.
Your post is a mix of issues, pre and post lockdown.

1. Whar the 7 and 9 year old use during lockdown is none of your business - electronics, play, etc.
Furthermore, her mother is an essential worker, so she doesnt have all the time of the day to have them entertained in a way you approve of.

2. The healthy eating - it is important to your dd and her guidelines are not being followed.
However, why send your gd to you if there was a chance biscuits, bread and other items were going to be eaten?

3. You clearly disapprove of your dd's parenting style. I bet she knows.
Example:
"said she had to go as the youngest GD was waiting to use her phone ( don’t get me started on that one !)"
Example no. 2 - the comment about the 7 y.o. having to be in bed by now vs a video

4. I didn't understand the exercise part work grandad.
Are there underline health conditions that eating healthy and exercise are crucial?

The best bet is for 13 y.o. go back home to her mother and stop all these comments and bickering.
Her staying with you is not working out - from food, how long, etc.

From this post, there has to be more background information. The relationship between you and your dd is not on good shape

Lolo81 Fri 26-Jun-20 20:48:20

I couldn’t agree more with Hithere.
There seems to be an undercurrent of disapproval from OP about the parenting style here. If you want to help out that’s great, but given all the restrictions, it’s only common sense to watch a child’s diet as they are getting nowhere near the level of physical exercise as before lockdown, so following your DD’s guidance for her child isn’t fad parenting but in fact a sensible approach. This obviously is causing you anxiety OP so it might be in the best interest of your GD and your relationship with your DD to let your GD go home.