Those of you with 'only' two older / adult sons, do you wish you had had more children?

If I were you I'd be thankful and happy for the two lovely, healthy boys you have and tell yourself the planet doesn't need any more children for now.
Besides, both of your children will be in school so why do you want to go back to having a young baby again?
It's clearly not a raging desire so put it out of your mind and get on with life.
Good Luck.
PS if you really, really, really want another child, why not adopt one of the many children desperate for a loving home.

You're on the brink of many changes and it's natural to feel unsure. Maybe you are feeling that you need to resolve the IVF embryos one way or another and have become emotionally attached? You are also going to have more free time in just a couple of months when both your sons are at school - perhaps leave it until then to see how you feel about filling that time up with another baby? Your age is the beginning of a time of transition and it's human nature to look back and wonder 'What if ...?' and you will probably always wonder about this though not with the intensity you do now. You do give a few clues though. When you say Why do I feel I would be a worse mum to 3 than I am to 2 you probably answer your own question. I'm sure you think it's not a good idea to have another child just because you're unsure what to do, especially given your past experiences, but deep down you will already know what the 'right' decision is for your family and only you can make that decision.

I think having the third is s very unrepresented problem. I remember my mum talking about it her mother said it would kill her... I agonized because I was in s new relationship with two from old and had just got back into career... agony agony I asked new man if he would be the house husband if I had coil removed... aaaah no he said. Relief and guilt gone. Initially I wanted to be rich enough to have ten children with ten different fathers to see the range of outcomes. That didn’t happen. I think money and financial security comes into it, I didn’t have that much with my first two.. and your partners views. Marriage is s partnership. Don’t be too guided by the fact you have a couple of eggs - that must be so hard.
My son’s wife angled very hard for a third son not keen she was after a boy as she had two girls in the end she had another girl who tragically has been born with a rare debilitating disease. This might turn out to be positive, they all are coping well...so it isn’t clear cut at all.
As for the third one I didn’t have the dilemma whether to have the third caused a split with my husband and I think it is peri menopausal and the next guy who said he wanted one contracted motor neurone disease and died early...so I would have struggled with a third...but we all struggle.
It’s a big one, for the rest of your family and the planet I’d say no...

You know, love is elastic, it encompasses all of those you give birth to unless they are monster like [We need to talk about] "Kevin".
Be brave and decide one way or the other what you want/need and put regrets behind you. Being extra fertile, I was sterilised at 35 having had 3 healthy children and 2 miscarriages. We decided to count our blessings. that was our decision. if i was able to, I woul have another 10 like a shot, but am realistic [BTW I'm far far too old now] and never regretted it.
All the best.

You have been through such a lot but been lucky and have two healthy boys. Mother Nature will keep trying to persuade you to have more. I had a very difficult 3rd pregnancy and afterwards the midwife said to me that I had only just got away with it and please to not have anymore, I was 29. If all your pregnancies had been easy and straightforward it might be worth what would be a bit of a gamble at 43 but you have been through the mill with it all, you have a husband who probably doesn't want you to suffer anymore and may be scared at the prospect so please do really think hard before leaping into the dark.

As far as adults' parents are concerned, I had nothing in common with my mother, but was always close to my mother-in-law. You can't generalise.

I was lucky enough to have my daughter and son in my twenties. We were not well off and I had to work while they were small and they had childminders during that time. When I was 43 I suddenly found that I was pregnant and felt very thrilled, started to plan and found myself looking in the windows of Mothercare and other baby shops. By then I had enough money to be able to buy anything I wanted for a baby, which I had not been able to afford for my earlier children. Unfortunately I lost the baby at about 6 weeks. Mty son and daughter now in their fifties have provided me with beautiful grandchildren. 43 is not too old. Don't live your life regretting that you have not had a chance to become a Mum again. But it is up to you, nobody can live your life for you.

Not much has been replied about one of your questions - when your two sons grow up, will they be as close to you as a daughter would be? In my experience, yes, they will. My son (my youngest) is as close to me now at 50 as his sisters are. His wife is like a third daughter. You are concerned about a lonely future - the future is largely how you make it.

I think it depends how you bring up your sons, and that is something that varies so much from one family to another that it is not easy to predict. If the atmosphere is not good, you can hardly expect them to be affectionate once they leave home, but if you are too "clingy" they may distance themselves out of self-preservation.

Then there is the vexed question of daughters-in-law. The best approach to that is that "to keep your children, you have to let them go" If they have been accustomed to make their own decisions, with their parents as their equal friends who advise if consulted , then that will continue. If they rely too heavily on parental input and approval for what they do, and their parents rely too heavily on them, a wife is going to feel she counts for nothing, and resent the over-closeness. As the bond between partners is a basic one, that is what will win out. Mothers have to be gracious about their sons' wives!

I'll keep this short. I think the combination of having the embryos and your hormones are giving you a huge dilemma. Try not to think of the embryos as children in waiting. Your hormones will keep you wanting another baby always, even through the menopause. Expand your thoughts on what the future could for your family as it is now and your personal goals. You may one day regret not having another baby BUT you will know that the decision made was the right one for you and your family at the time. To have regrets is a natural thing for us all in one way or another. I don't mean my post to be advisory but am saying it is natural to go on wanting another baby but we all have to ignore the hormones at different times in our lives. If you decide to have a third child I wish you the best.

I've no experience of this. However, if you went ahead and had that 3rd embryo implanted and a baby came. What then? Would you be thinking about the 4th embryo also? Maybe the IVF clinic does have a counsellor you could talk to.

My feeling is, you have been very lucky to have 2 heathy children. Stop worrying and enjoy what you have right now. Be the best Mum you can for them. Time goes so quickly.... really treasure them now.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Unfortunately there are no guarantees about how future relationships between siblings or yourself and your children will pan out. It's all a big unknown when they are young. Me and my siblings are all in different countries. We have very different lives. You don't know what sex this child will be or how their future might pan out either, what they might choose to do.

I'm not too much older than you and all my children are grown or almost grown. I have had many older women say to me over the years that they wish they had more children, so I always got the impression that was a common thought. I guess what they were wishing for was an idea of how they think it might have been though, as they don't know what the reality of those more children might have been.

I agree with others that counselling to work through your thoughts and feelings might be helpful in helping you make this decision.

Re my earlier post, I should have also said that I love our three boys to pieces. When our third boy was born, many people said to me, “Oh, what a shame, another boy” but I never felt that at all. Enjoy your boys, Crystal Ball. They’re very special.

NO, NO and thrice NO! !!!! I have 3 children. I hardly see my eldest son and it is always me running around after them. I phone, text and visit them and they always have an excuse not to come to my house. My daughter - I havent seen or spoke to in 5.5 years for reasons I dont know. I have text, phoned and wrote with no answer. I wont turn up on the door step in case it upsets my grand daughters. Infact if it wasnt for her ex husband I would never see my 2 beautiful grand daughters. My youngest son is totally different and he cannot do enough for me.

Before I married I always thought I'd have a dozen children. We had five - and the youngest is now almost 40.

I'm grateful for the five children we had together, and thankful that we stopped there. I've always believed that God gave us families because we grow as individuals by solving problems - and with families there will always be problems to solve: But I love our kids (as does my wife) and we wouldn't be without any of them, no matter what problems they have brought us.

Happy with two boys. I had been disappointed very briefly (all of three hours; when bonding kicked in; after initial shock as believed I was having a girl) after the birth of my second son. They are both now adults and I'm very close to both. They both get on but have their own circle of friends. Only thing I miss is perhaps going on holiday or to a spa with a daughter and being able to share a room; however any daughter I may have had; may not have wanted to come with me or it may not have been practical for another reason. Do whatever is right for you and your family; whilst being aware that whatever you do won't be perfect either.

If you have a third and it's a boy, would you be unhappy and bitter and want a 4th?

If you have a third and it's a girl but has medical issues and developmental delays, will you be happy?

No matter what you do it will never turn out how you were hoping or expecting.... so....even if you have a girl, there's no saying she will be closer to you than a boy...

I have 2 daughters and a son. Love them all to bits. Now I have Grandchildren I sometimes wish I had had a fourth child but I know how lucky I am to have had any children. I love my family we are all close.

I wanted three ....had my first , a daughter, then two late miscarriages ( both girls) in next two years. My husband only ever wanted a single child so was reluctant to try again. But we did, and my son was born after an easy pregnancy and an even easier birth. Never pushed him for the third , and ha e been more than happy with two. Please don’t go through what you e been through again. You have two lovely little boys...be grateful and content with them.

Of course nobody can make a decision for you but we can give you a few things to think about.
Firstly, do try to find out what your husband really wants, it has to be a joint decision. Try to wait until the boys are in bed and you are sitting down to a nice meal, or, ideally, if you can, get a babysitter and go out for one.
Secondly, your boys are still young and I would guess that they are exhausting at times. Do you really want all those sleepless night on top.
Thirdly you are definitely not too old to retrain, I retrained as a FE teacher in my 50s. With your knowledge of bringing up children you would make an ideal social worker or early years teacher. My daughter is a social worker and it's hard work but very rewarding.
I only had one child and never regretted having another but I now have a beautiful granddaughter so I am enjoying it all over again.

Finally, if after all that you do decide you want another child, then go ahead. It may not even be successful so the decision might be made for you.

Good luck with whatever you decide. I'm sure you will have no regrets either way.

Love my two adult adopted sons. We could have had a 3rd or even 4th - but we didn't want to upset what we had, so I don't regret anything. Apart from anything else, I didn't want to drive a car big enough for 4 children!

They came to us when I was 41, aged 1 and 2 - now I am pushing 66 and they are 26 & 27

I had a boy and a girl when I was in my early twenties and planned to have two more when they were ten and twelve and we were better off financially. However my husband fell ill so it never happened. My daughter died when she was twenty but my wonderful son is now seventy one.

Take a few minutes and see if you can write down the pros and cons clearly.
You don't want to be haunted by what might have been but parenthood IS
exhausting and for life.
I suspect I'd go for it but I'm the mum of 7 .. Now there's crazy !
All the very best, anyway.

Yes, I do! DH and I sat down to have the How Many? And When? conversation. We both loved our jobs and were party people so it needed discussing as we'd already decided I'd stop working until they were more or less grown up. We'd just bought a house and the mortgage was quite big. Anyway we decided we could afford two (seems absolutely laughable now when babies are popped out without a thought, but this was forty years ago and responsibilities were taken seriously then. Again seems laughable now...) So we had two boys and the next ten years were absolutely wonderful - I loved every minute! Two of my friends had taken the plunge at the same time and were back at work in a flash, they called me Mrs Cabbage! But I did long for another baby, a girl, but finances were too tight also we had two friends who had kept trying for a girl (or boy) and ended up with five boys and five girls. So I put the thought away. Seeing ChrystalBall's post brought it all back.