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A dilemma

(10 Posts)
tanith Mon 20-Jul-20 10:29:19

I have a 20yr+ online friendship with a lady in the US who has lung cancer that is now terminal, we’ve been through many trials and tribulations over the years and she has kept me updated with her journey and she supported me through my DHs illness and loss. 3 wks ago she sent me something of hers to ‘remember me by’ which was lovely of her.
Now it’s been 3 wks since I had contact although I can see she or maybe a family member has seen my messenger hugs I’ve sent in support.

Now I could easily find one of her daughters messenger accounts and send a private message, just to ask about her but it feels a bit intrusive especially in the circumstances.
What to do? If her time has come then I’d really like to send a condolence letter to her husband/ family as she was such a lovely friend or should I just let it go?

Madgran77 Mon 20-Jul-20 11:07:33

I would contact daughter , explain who you are, say how touched you were her mothers gift and ask how her mum is doing. Then when you do hear sad news , if you do, you can send a longer condolence letter ]flowers]

annep1 Mon 20-Jul-20 11:56:09

Agree with Madgran.

Charleygirl5 Mon 20-Jul-20 12:29:24

I also agree with Madgran

janeainsworth Mon 20-Jul-20 12:39:09

Good advice from Madgran. I’m sorry about your friend Tanith but how lovely of her to think of you in that way.
Just a word of warning about Messenger - if someone who isn’t a FB friend, messages you, it’s not always obvious that you’ve got a message. I’ve sometimes discovered old messages that I knew nothing about.
So if you don’t get a reply don’t be put off.

Bellanonna Mon 20-Jul-20 13:19:13

What a lovely friendship you have had, Tanith. I do agree, definitely contact one of the family.

MellowYellow Mon 20-Jul-20 13:23:27

Yes, I agree, get in touch. The silences can be misinterpreted by us.

tanith Mon 20-Jul-20 13:59:45

Thanks for the advice I will contact her daughter just for closure.

tanith Mon 20-Jul-20 15:28:56

I just heard back from my friends daughter that her Mom is doing as ok as she could be. The daughter did know who I am as her Mom chats about our friendship she said. It’s good to know she’s still managing to keep going so thank you all for the excellent advice.

Baggs Mon 20-Jul-20 17:09:49

Glad that worked out, tanith.