I don't want to leave LO overnight yet

You’re being perfectly reasonable. I would not want my child anywhere near that particular dog - dogs (especially certain breeds) can be so unpredictable and can get jealous and then aggressive. It’s your MIL that’s being unreasonable. I’m not a dog hater by the way, but just a very cautious person.

BucGirl1987 wrote:
May I ask what the "x" at the end of a post means?
it seems rather like a condescending send off common in UK English
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
why do you think it seems condescending ??

It's a way of emphasising a person's thankfulness for the responses.

Or just a sign of friendliness.

May I ask what the "x" at the end of a post means? Is it the XOXO? Like hugs and kisses means? Because it does not seem like it...it seems rather like a condescending send off common in UK English but I cannot quite put my finger on it. Any advice or explanation would be helpful. I see it a lot on Mumsnet and here on Gransnet but I am still confused to that part of the written language. Thanks so much!

It's your child, not theirs. You are the proper people to decide what is right for your child.
Do not feel guilty; no sensible in-laws would want to put you in such a position!

I’ve been fortunate enough to have one DGD stay with me for the odd night from quite an early age but it was to allow parents to have a night or two away for weddings etc, BUT I would never have “asked” to have her. Mil does sound like a bit of a pain to be honest!

When I started out as a Community Midwife I was offered lots of dogs as they were jealous of the new baby and aggressive You cannot trust the dog and heaven forbid any harm coming to your child if you left him with them .No way would I leave a child .All it needs is the dog to escape

A MIL shouldn't even have those expectations ... You are very reasonable... it is important that your MIL knows her place ... It is inappropriate for anyone to think they should have their grandchild to stay when they haven't really seen them in close contact for over 4 months. I'm a grandmother, I would never ever even ask for a little one to leave their parents so young because of my wish! I am also a grandmother with dogs and I would not let any of them near my grandchildren & certainly would not have them in the same room if I had to muzzle them. Do not leave your grandchild where there are dogs which might hurt them, not even for seconds! That poor wee dog obviously has issues also ... but ... you have to be clear with her & explain you do not want the dog in the same room as your little one. I'm sorry you have all this to deal with, you keep those instincts strong & stick with what is right for your baby... actually that really is the bottom line!!
Very Best Wishes.

You sound like a lovely thoughtful daughter inlaw,and i agree you are not being unreasonable.Sending love and best wishes.

Lesim91, you just have an unreasonable MIL.

I wouldn't be at all happy leaving a one year old overnight with people they didn't know well. Your son is a person with feelings, not a new toy for her!

You are quite correct in your thinking - so don't question your own good judgement.

You are being perfectly reasonable, I would not leave my young child with her around that dog. The dog is probably jealous which could be a health risk and could easily bite your baby. Stand your ground. Say something like "I am not really comfortable with that as yet." Maybe meet up during the day if you can with your husband and keep things light. Its hard enough being a new mother, good luck and good on you.

I can’t understand why anyone would want a young baby to stay with them overnight - Apart from at the request of the parent. So much anxiety and responsibility, getting up in the night or at the crack of dawn - no thanks. This woman wants to play at being mummy- she’s had her turn. Just say no. Plus I wouldn’t visit her house at all because of the dog.

Be strong and tell her no!
There is no way I would send my child to stay with someone who has a dog that not only needs to be muzzled but actually went to attack my child for merely being in the same room as it. Not only now but while they still have the dog. It’ll be too late when your child’s face is ripped off purely for the sake of appeasing someone. You are definitely not being unreasonable. She is because she is expecting you to put your child at risk.

i wouldn't trust her with your child. dog or no dog.
she sounds arrogant and self-centred. not likely to put the child's welfare first, but her own ego and convenience. avoid.

I’d also certainly not let him stay where the dog is. I wouldn’t feel safe leaving him. They want to think themselves lucky you’ve offered to let them take him on an outing, I’d be more than happy with that.

No you’re not been unreasonable. I’m just happy to be able to see my granddaughters again since the lockdown has been eased whether it’s with their parents or not. I did have the youngest one quite often before lockdown (as she’s only 18 months now). She had a number of sleepovers due to her parents work and the eldest one stayed at the other grandmas as it was nearer to her nursery. I never asked though it was instigated by parents. I’ve not had them for an overnight stay though since lockdown eased, but have them at least a couple of days a week while parents at work and very satisfied with that for now. I’ll wait to be asked by parents when they need me to have them overnight. I just spend every minute with them and make the most of the time I do have with them. I feel it’s very precious especially after not seeing them for so long.

Absolutely not being unreasonable. Do not let your precious chilfanywhere near that dog at any time. And he's far too young to be having sleepovers. Your morhering instincts are right and your husband agrees. A firm 'no' is what's needed. I hear of far too many children being maimed or killed by family dogs. Don't take the risk.

Just because of the dog I would say no. I would be with my child all the time he was in that house.

Wow. Thank you so so much for taking the time to respond, I never imagined I'd get so much advice, let alone all unanimous! Thank you all for your reassurance x

You must remember that you are the parents but at the same time showing some understanding about mil wanting to see grandchild. If you lose control now it is lost forever. Thinking of you. I know from experience how hard it is to be the fathers mother but I always go by what my daughter in law wants whether I like it or not. I remember what it was like to be the daughter in law.

I would only do supervised visits to the mil and the untrained dog. When your child is old enough, I’m thinking maybe 16, and can fend them off. Then a sleepover. This is your child. Tell her to back off. And to get a dog trainer,

Hi, you are not being unreasonable, even putting his age and the fact he hasn’t seen his grandparents for such a long time THEIR DOG IS DANGEROUS AND WILL ATTACK YOUR SON GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY. Try not to worry, just say no explaining all your perfectly understandable reasons . If you wanted to meet them half way could you suggest they babysat at your house foR an evening? Good luck, this must very stressful for you

even ignoring the dog - you should follow your instincts . your child could find waking up during the night in a strange house to be stressful . why would you want him to suffer distress just to please your MIL? if anybody is being unreasonable then it is the MIL

Your child. Your choice! Dog or no dog!

Hi, what would be the point of the child staying overnight anywhere if you two fret and worry? The dog issue alone is a non starter, I have an 18mth old grandson who I adore , he hasn’t slept at my house but has at his other granny’s because she lives closer plus has looked after him more during daytimes too. It’s not a competition or a challenge. It’s your baby, I will happily have my little grandson anytime but only when Mum and Dad are totally ok with it snd actually get the relaxing little break or night out because they’re confident baby will be happy. Surely that’s what it’s all about. One last thing , say NO forever if u are worried about the dog !!!!!!!!