Delayed empty nest syndrome

It goes on for years ! When my eldest D married then emigrated to Oz, I had to keep going to see her, then when children came along I was at it again.
I was also working and saving up holidays so flogging myself throughout each year just to get there so I was drained, mentally and physically with the menopause thrown in for good measure.

Looking back I don't know how I did it. It tailed off when I looked after my sick H, while still working. I'd ignored my own health and well-being which is probably why I've used up all my reserves to feel quite sluggish now at times. Though I'm glad I did what I did when I did and travelled extensively----couldn't do it now.

I wouldn't recommend what I did at all. Look after yourself and take each day as it comes.

This is an interesting thread. I had my children late 20s, early 30s so they're only now settling down. I'm well past menopause, I must admit I found it unbelievably hard when, after university, they headed off around the world including spending two years in New Zealand. I'm not a lover of airplanes, never mind the cost!
I don't begrudge them their independence and I encouraged them to do whatever they wanted but I am now finding that being older means I can't do what I want either because I no longer have the physical capacity or, for instance, because I'm so far behind it feels too late to start. Also, life catches up, I'd love to travel but the virus makes it hard enough without additionally having to shield.
I can't walk far enough every day to have a dog but I did recently take on a rescue cat who is great to have around.
As to doing things with husbands? Maybe they're stuck in their own world??

Never really understood this Empty Nest Syndrome. You have your children and bring them up to make their own way in the world. You don't expect them to stay with you forever, that is not how it works! You prepare your children for leaving and life on their own and to be independent of their parents. Parents have a new lease of life now and finished with the child rearing. Need to find new hobbies, buy a camper van, start travelling, take up new hobbies, join in with new groups and start a new life knowing you have done your best with your child rearing and welcome them with open arms when they return to visit or stay. Know this is what we did!

Ah! so that’s what it is!
I recognised it when my children left home and felt it most acutely when one son moved to Australia but I have been puzzled by my recent mood swings. During the school holidays one of our grandsons is staying with us one day each week. We collect him on Thursday after holiday club and take him home Saturday morning. His mum and dad are working from home so it’s been nice to give them an evening to themselves and a bit of a lie in on Saturday morning. The arrangement is only temporary but is working well and we are really enjoying our day. We relax on Saturday afternoon but come Sunday and Monday I am all over the place and can’t settle to anything. I really miss him and can’t wait until Thursday comes again. Empty nest syndrome reoccurrence??!!

We are not alone then Jaxjacky I've never really had a problem with the "empty nest" delayed or otherwise. Doesn't mean I don't love them all of course.

sodapop I agree with you both!!

I think we may be in a minority here Tooyoungtobeagrandma

I truly feel for you. My son left a year ago and lives over 200 miles away. I miss him so much. I’ve been through so much with him as he has a chronic health condition and there were times when I thought he would never achieve his dreams. He did and I know I should have been eternally grateful and of course I am but it didn’t stop the feelings of sadness and misery of him leaving. It broke my heart. I’m lucky, he contacts me every single day, FaceTimes most evenings as we have built up such a strong relationship because of what we’ve been through, but it doesn’t stop me missing him. I think it’s so easy to say “ be grateful” etc. Of course you are, but the feelings are still there. 12 months later and with the help of a good counsellor, I think I’m getting there. You have to try and build a new life for yourself somehow. People used to say to me “join clubs etc.” But it didn’t appeal to me at that time. I feel I need to go back to work (I initially took early retirement due to his illness) I’m now 59 and am finding this difficult- I think potential employers are put off by my age. I do, however, have a my dogs. They help so much. My husband still works full time. We’ve also just managed to buy a caravan by the sea to give us a new focus (a hard decision) and I don’t know how it’s going to work out but I hope it does. Empty nest is so under-rated. It’s ok if you’ve managed to build up a good careeer or have loads of interests but not everyone has had the opportunity to do so. It’s hard, but you have to try and rebuild somehow and I sincerely hope you manage to do this. Good luck xx

I must be an aweful mother, dont miss mine at all. Happy to chat on phone or have the occasional visit but that suits me. I love that they are off making their way in the world and I can now make mine?

I had my sons in my early 20s, and when they each left home, I missed them enormously (one was 25, the other 28 then). They've been gone a few years now, and both live only a mile away from me.

Menopause is a different problem - I'm 60 and only stopped having periods about 18 months ago! I'm still getting the hot flushes, mood swings, feeling tired, etc.

I think every mum or I should say a lot of mums feel a bit sad when their AC fly the nest, but think of it this way they are off to pastures new experiencing new things, it’s called life, there’s loads of things you can do when your AC have left home, you have no doubt done a good job of bringing your children up, it’s your time now to do what you are now free to do, you can still contact your AC, wishing you well

Horatia and Quaver 22. Greetings. Another mother with a daughter with ME here. Very severely affected from teenage years to mid thirties. Many years bedridden. Now able to live independently though still ill. Hugs to you both.

Menopause is an issue even when the nest is still occupied.
I had my son in my late 30s. Now he's 7, and I'm experiencing early onset peri-menopause.

I think menopause is like retirement. Find a new hobby or occupation to fill your mind and take up your energy. Something to direct your thoughts outwards, away from yourself. If something previously in your life leaves a gap, you need to find something meaningful to fill the gap. Turn an empty bedroom into a craft room/ studio/ workroom, or build a she she'd in the garden. Something just for yourself.

Foxglovesandroses
The menopause can cause all sorts of strange problems and not seeing your children as often as you'd like must be very hard. Quizqueen's advice on getting a pet is a good idea as it could give you something to nurture, or perhaps, once schools go back, perhaps you would be able to volunteer to hear children read, or help at a playgroup or something if conditions allow then. One thing I can assure you of is, if and when your children have children, you will see much more of them. I see see much more of my daughter now since my beautiful granddaughter was born. Be patient, keep busy and things will change. Don't forget that you need to make an effort to though.

Thank you everyone for your posts they are all helping me so much. ?

Oh Anniebach I'm so sorry to hear this... ?

Quaver 22 I am sorry to hear about your daughter's ME. I wish her the very best for the future. My daughter has had ME too since she was a teenager and she is in her 40s now.

I am way past the menopause but am struggling with empty
nest. My elder daughter married and lived ten minute walk from me, they had three children and I saw them all every day. My daughter died two and half years ago and my three
grandchildren moved away after the funeral only 50 miles
and in regular contact but I miss the daily chats and laughter.

I think perhaps the menopause can evoke feelings about not being able to produce children anymore.

So I've heard, anyway.

I was just thrilled at the idea of spontaneous sex without any worries.

I agree with quizqueen - get a pet. Preferably a rescue dog. It will be good for your health in many ways, and you will have given the dog a loving home. I wouldn't be surprised if it helped with your menopausal symptoms as well to have a small creature dependent on you. You might think I'm kidding here, but I'm not: get gardening. These feelings will subside and you will be ready to engage in the next phase of life. There's lots of lovely things left to do after children have flown the nest.

Agree with quizqueen and soos45 being in a similar situation.

Sorry Foxgloveandroses I have to agree with others on here. Don't fret about missing your family but be grateful you have done a good parenting job and they are settled and happy.
Of course you miss them but there are so many things you could be doing with your life. At least there will be when things are less restrictive. I think being cooped up at the moment has made us all a bit introspective and fretful.

With or without the menopause, empty nest syndrome is awful and even worse when both your children have moved to the other side of the world and you’ve no idea if Covid will ever allow you to see them again.. I would be lost without my affectionate little dog to cuddle!!

Having left my family inthe UK for a move to S Africa in the 1980's, I would have been hypocritical to want my children not to spread their wings and move abroad. They are both happy in their new countries with jobs and partners. However, the empty nest part has really hit home with the Corona Virus preventing travel...we message and Skype, but the distance between us really feels enormous now. All I can do is hope for an end and be able to jump on a plane to go and see them.

Get a pet to give some care and affection to and do lots of activities with your husband. I bet you barely gave your own parents a second thought when you left home.....it's called being an independent grown up.