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Facebook Messenger

(19 Posts)
ExD Wed 12-Aug-20 10:38:33

I asked a friend a question about a matter she was keeping secret, using the Messenger option on Facebook.
She is furious with me for posting where other people are able to see and says I have exposed her secret to the world.
I am a bit naive about these things, tell me dear experienced Gransnetters - is FB messenger not safe and private?
(I have already apologised of course, but I fear our friendship may be compromised, for a while at least)

phoenix Wed 12-Aug-20 10:46:46

I use Messenger, and as far as I know the "correspondence" is only accessible to the sender and the recipient.

Babyshark Wed 12-Aug-20 11:02:25

It depends, did you send the message just to her or to all or a group? Have you double checked it was messenger and not on her page? Might just worth double checking so you can reassure her?

annodomini Wed 12-Aug-20 11:06:32

Your messages are not open to all FB users. At the moment I am having to use it to contact some of the family as I have managed to leave my phone at home!

jaylucy Wed 12-Aug-20 11:10:18

If you sent it via messenger , the only people that can read it are you and the recipient.
I think your friend is mistaken that anyone else can see it - that is unless you posted the question actually on her "wall" or her account of course - done that before, by complete mistake when I was using my mobile - oops!

tanith Wed 12-Aug-20 11:23:55

She’s wrong it won’t be seen by anyone else but you two in messenger.

ExD Wed 12-Aug-20 16:28:17

No I've just checked, nothing on her wall, or my wall. I don't post much on open forums - its just on Messenger with her as the only other person in the conversation.
I'll give it a day for her to settle down, then perhaps phone her and ask her how people can see it, if she looks again and tries to explain she may reason it out for herself that no-one else can see it.

Calendargirl Wed 12-Aug-20 16:34:07

I agree with everyone else, it’s only you and recipient can see Messenger.

She has probably panicked and wrongly assumed it has been seen by all her Facebook friends.

Chewbacca Wed 12-Aug-20 16:41:35

Agree with everyone else; your friend is panicking over nothing.

ladymuck Wed 12-Aug-20 17:25:31

I was under the impression that nothing on Facebook is private, including Messenger. I always tell my family to stick to trivia on Facebook and use e-mail for anything personal.

BlueBelle Wed 12-Aug-20 18:19:45

No you’re fine if there’s only you and her on messenger then no one else will see it it’s completely private unless you invite others into the conversation
I use it a lot and especially for free phone calls
Nothing is foolproof Ladymuck if you can get into a computer (ie like police etc) emails can be read in exactly the same way as messenger there is no difference in their privacy

ExD Wed 12-Aug-20 18:26:06

Actually Ladymuck i think I will do as you do in future, just to keep personal things private.

BlueBelle Wed 12-Aug-20 18:54:36

But emails can be hacked / or seen just the sane

BlueSky Thu 13-Aug-20 00:18:58


I was under the impression that nothing on Facebook is private, including Messenger. I always tell my family to stick to trivia on Facebook and use e-mail for anything personal.

No Ladymuck Facebook is private if you set your privacy to friends only and are careful who you accept as friend. Messenger is a one to one communication like an e mail really but in actual time. Even then I'm always careful what information I divulge and what photos I publish.

Calendargirl Thu 13-Aug-20 06:46:57

I’m with Bluesky in that I’m mindful of what I post anywhere on Facebook, e Mail, messenger, whatever, if it’s something really private, probably don’t post it.

Glenfinnan Thu 13-Aug-20 08:20:47

Messenger definitely only between you and your friend. I would reassure her!

CassieJ Thu 13-Aug-20 08:30:26

It does happen, I have done it myself by mistake. If you send a message to the person through the thread it gets seen by everyone in that group. I didn't realise until my sister text me to say "you do realise that everyone has just seen your message"! Luckily it wasn't anything too personal.

To send a private message you need to go to messenger and select the person you want to contact, that way it is only that person who see the message.

Deedaa Thu 13-Aug-20 18:35:29

i've always used Messenger for things that I don't want plastered all over Facebook and there have never been any problems.

NfkDumpling Thu 13-Aug-20 18:45:48

Like Deeda, I've only used Messenger for private one to one messages. I've never used it for a group, its' too easy to slip up when using a phone. I use WhatsApp for group messages.