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Moving away from grandchildren

(14 Posts)
Strictlynana Fri 14-Aug-20 19:40:18

Hi all. A bit of background . My first husband died 13 years ago and I remarried 5 years ago. My DH and I live in the house I shared with late husband. I have a 2.5 year old gs and another on the way.
My DH and I take care of DGS once a week.
I have just sold my house and bought another house 1hr 20 mins from DS and DIL. We have talked about moving further into the countryside for a long time and now doing it. My DS is not happy .
Am I being selfish moving further away?

Starblaze Fri 14-Aug-20 19:47:13

strictlynana There is room for everyones feelings without anyone being in the wrong.

You feel it positive for you to be further away

He feels it would be negative for you to be further away

Both equally valid, it's just that positive feelings are a lot easier to deal with than negative ones.

I'm sure he will get used to the idea, time, patience and reassurance will help

BlueSky Fri 14-Aug-20 20:05:32

Why is your DS not happy? You are only 1hr20mins away! why would you be selfish? Children can and do move wherever they want, even to the other side of the world, so don't feel guilty to do something you've always wanted to do.

biba70 Fri 14-Aug-20 20:09:30

1h20 is just round the corner- really. So why is he not happy- because you look after the GCs regularly?

Witzend Fri 14-Aug-20 20:09:41

It’s not that far. We live a 1 1/2 hour drive* from Gdcs and see them regularly, often once a week.
*outside the rush hour, that is - we have to go via the dreaded M25.

Susan56 Fri 14-Aug-20 20:44:30

We live two hours away from our younger daughter and will be looking after our DGS one day a week from September.

Reassure your son that you will still look after your DGS once a week and that nothing will change.After all it will be you doing the driving and not him.

I think it’s good he has told you how he feels not that that should affect your decision,We hear so often of families falling out through lack of communication.

He could be upset at you leaving what he sees as the family home.

I hope he can see your point of view and you can all move forward happily and enjoy your new grandchild.

Chewbacca Fri 14-Aug-20 20:51:52

Strictly you've done your bit; you've raised your family to adulthood and you've cared for your young GS. At what stage of your life, if not now, is it going to be your turn? It's a shame your DS isn't happy about your impending move but, to be fair, it's not that far away is it? Is he unhappy because he loves you being close by him or is it because he's going to miss the free child care? I've no idea how old you are but this is your time to live your life as you and you DH want to.

Grandmabatty Fri 14-Aug-20 21:08:14

I'm with you on this, however I do understand perhaps where your ds is coming from. My ds has had his own property for a few years which was 8miles away from the family home but when I decided to downsize and move closer to dd, he found that difficult. We created a lovely family unit, just the three of us and lived there for 20 years. I think he was sad that his family home wouldn't be his anymore, even though he no longer lived there! Maybe your son feels the same?

Bibbity Fri 14-Aug-20 21:14:29

They decided to have children.
What you’ve done for them was amazing and would’ve saved them a fortune.
He is being very unreasonable.
You have raised your children and you should be able to enjoy being a grandparent.
That should come without obligations and demands.

You’ve given him notice. He needs to parent his child and find appropriate child care.
You are very close. Close enough to help when you can and for you both to enjoy and good relationship.

But you are not accountable to him.

Strictlynana Sat 15-Aug-20 07:52:59

Thank you all for your advice. I think a good chat again is on the cards.

sodapop Sat 15-Aug-20 09:28:06

It's a bit late in the day to be worrying about this now as it seems its a done deal.
The chat is definitely due Strictlynana.

Serendipity22 Sat 15-Aug-20 09:43:11

Strictlynana 1 hour 20min is nothing and you are in your right to move wherever you want, why should this choice be receiving negative vibes!

My son ( as a LOT of other's ) has moved an 8 hour FLIGHT away, I have never once expressed any negativeness to his decision, if anything I am so happy for him that he is doing something that makes him happy.

If i were you, i would discuss the situation with your son.... it wouldnt have anything to do with the childcare would it !

Whatever the reason, you are fully entitled to do whatever you wish to do, why not ?

EllanVannin Sat 15-Aug-20 10:00:03

Blimey, they don't hesitate if they're doing their own thing so get cracking and enjoy the rest of your own lives, it's not far away anyway.

Strictlynana Sat 15-Aug-20 10:14:23

It’s a shame, as he knew what we were planning every step of the way. As soon as the stamp duty holiday came in we brought our plans forward and told him.
It’s funny that when they were thinking of relocating to the West Country or Yorkshire I backed them 100%, I would have felt a bit sad but explained sometimes it’s best to have longer quality visits than just popping in and out. Oh well!