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Elderly friend

(9 Posts)
oliversnana Mon 24-Aug-20 12:50:41

I have a friend who i have been talking to and helping with different things including over tje years. Weird family his wife devorced him stayed in tje house and moved her new husband and no contributions, they have now moved out.
Friend is 87 and lives alone aside from his daughters dogs.
2weeks ago last saturday he came to my house (we live on the same street) asking me to contact his daughter saying he felt unwell and couldn't see very well. I sent him jome with my daughter as i was worried for him. His daughter was on holiday.
I did an errand i was just about to go on when he arrived on my return myself a dd1 went to see how he was. To cut a long storey short we ended up getting him medical help. He had been having stroke.
He's been in hospital for 2 weeks and came out on friday, now its constant messages from his daughter, she has been staying with him. He won"t let the carers help him. Also the carers won't supervise all his meds as it can't go in a dosset box.
His shower is over the bath he has no grab rails.
I feel hes at risk his daughter only visits usually when she wants money i waant to make sure hes safe and has what he needs but don't want to put myself in a predicament or being held resposible if anything goes wrong. I do not think the daughter is. Capable of sorting for him (all her 5 children have been taken into care) i believe i need to speak to social services although i have suggested she does this for support. What do people think

tanith Mon 24-Aug-20 13:47:40

Do it yourself he’s a vulnerable and sick gentleman and it doesn’t sound like his daughter is going down the SS route. For your own peace of mind and his safety either call SS or his GP and voice your concerns. Good luck.

Septimia Mon 24-Aug-20 15:11:09

Usually no-one his age is sent home without an assessment from a physio of what they can do (e.g. can he go up and down stairs safely) and what aids will be required.

FiL was assessed every time he came out of hospital. He was given a second bannister rail, grab handles in the over-bath shower, raised loo seat and various other aids to help and keep him safe. He was awkward about carers at first - until he was told he wouldn't be allowed home without them.

So, yes, definitely SS or GP - he shouldn't have been sent home without a care plan in place, including both carers and equipment.

Carers and tablets are a problem. The carers allocated as part of the care plan (up to 6 weeks usually) may be more limited in what they can do than ones that are appointed later, especially if on a private contract.

oliversnana Mon 24-Aug-20 16:32:29

Tanith I know its the thing to do and i will be on it tomorrow.
Septimia I know what assessments and arrangements used to be carried out as i was training to be a nurse although that was 10 years ago. the o.t. rang today to arrange to assess him in a few days time.
There used to be so many people involved in the discharge very little was left to chance. times have changed so much and I know things need to be given time but I fear for him. he refuses to use his gas central heating in favour of a real fire as he's unsteady I fear he could fall in it. as the doset box says there's other meds they should be supervised (said pill have to stay in their foil wrapper) my dd1 works in care so has experience they seem to be fobbing him of also he only has care for 4 weeks as its to get him independent.
Thank you for your replie

silverlining48 Mon 24-Aug-20 16:54:11

He should not have been discharged from hospital on a Friday after a 2 week stay without a proper assessment and care plan. Usually OT’s do an assessment of the home prior to discharge but she can refer your friend to social services for assessment. In fact the hospital social worker should have been involved in his discharge. She should also liaise with the GP. Do let them know you are a neighbour and friend and not a carer.

oliversnana Mon 24-Aug-20 17:08:14

Silverlinings48 I will. I think he was only allowed home because his daughter was staying with him but I have constant messages from her all week end upto 10pm at night. this is why I think they need help

sodapop Mon 24-Aug-20 17:08:22

I agree with silverlinings get in touch with Social Care but make it clear you are not a carer for this poor man otherwise the onus will be on you. I hope you get some proper help for your friend.

silverlining48 Mon 24-Aug-20 17:30:55

It sounds as if the daughter is not coping so your friend will need proper help, which he will have to accept as it will help him remain at home.
I think the 4 week package has been put in place by the hospital until Social Services (community) take over.
He is lucky to have you as a friend. All the best to you and to him.

oliversnana Mon 24-Aug-20 20:56:04

update tablets sorted for now the carers will remind him