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Gardner or garden?

(16 Posts)
Fuchsiarose Sat 03-Oct-20 15:48:44

Would anyone ever feel they are the gardner or garden in life. I know its seems an odd analogy, but I have always been the gardner. Sorting out all family problems dumped on me, and tending to their emotional needs etc. I have never been the garden, looked after, even when ill. Is it just our personality that makes us be the one that steps forward. Or is it that the garden personalities like or expect us to do it all whilst they recline with their feet up??

phoenix Sat 03-Oct-20 16:30:03

Perhaps time for a bit of judicious pruning, Fuschiarose?

crazyH Sat 03-Oct-20 16:38:54

So am I Fuschiarose ! Most mothers are, I think....we are meant to be the Gardeners. Even among my friends, I am always the gardener.

Chewbacca Sat 03-Oct-20 17:01:07

That's a good analogy Fuschiarose; as a previous poster said, I think many mother's become, by default, the gardeners in life. We're usually perceived as being endlessly capable and in control, always ready to pick up in an emergency and sort out whatever needs to be done amd rarely, if ever, needing any help. I remember the look of total anguish on my DS's face when I suddenly, and unexpectedly fell ill a little while ago. He told me later that it had suddenly made him realise that I wasn't immortal and the thought that I might not recover had terrified him. So I've sat in the garden a little more since then!

janeainsworth Sat 03-Oct-20 17:01:42

I don’t recognise that analogy at all - it’s not a one or the other thing.
It’s a mutual support thing. In my family we all look out for each other.

downtoearth Sat 03-Oct-20 17:01:50

I am the gardener.
Would be lovely sometimes to be the garden.

Grandmafrench Sat 03-Oct-20 17:07:07

Fabulous analogy, Fuschiarose.
Phoenix as usual, spot on and hilarious.
I know lots of us would like to be the garden - but often we won't allow it to just happen !

MerylStreep Sat 03-Oct-20 17:08:19

I am the garden in my OHs life. With the girls I'm sometimes needed to do a bit of weeding 😊

MamaCaz Sat 03-Oct-20 17:37:25

I am a gardener, but I am also a wild meadow, not a garden

kittylester Sat 03-Oct-20 19:35:16

I think most mothers become gardeners but if we nurture our gardens well they become gardeners.

Luckily we gardeners have other gardeners around for support! - or at least I have. We support each other just generally.

phoenix Sat 03-Oct-20 20:39:18

I think if we do too much nuturing, the plants don't learn to grow on their own.

To keep the gardening theme going, a climber needs support in the early stages, you guide it towards the the trellis, but once it gets there, you let it make its own way.

Sometimes it goes in the wrong direction, you can guide it back to the right path, even try to tie it in, but if it insists on going that way, you either let it go or cut it off.

Chewbacca Sat 03-Oct-20 20:44:01

Phoenix those gardening "rules" are really good parallels to raising a child, never though of it in those terms before, but you're quite right.

phoenix Sat 03-Oct-20 20:53:43

Thank you Chewbacca, goodness knows where that came from, I'm not usually quite so philosophical!

Flossieturner Sun 04-Oct-20 11:34:32

For me it changed as I got older. DH and I had clearly defined roles and I was certainly the Gardener. I cared for all of the generations of my family and my In-laws. I have had some ill health lately and am now the garden. I am really grateful to my kids for the way they have helped me.

I feel I am now reaping what I sowed.

henetha Sun 04-Oct-20 11:44:31

Having always been the gardener, it's changing now as I get old. I'm aware that my family are 'keeping an eye on me', -
in a nice way, of course.

annsixty Sun 04-Oct-20 12:48:26

First my late H and now my AC think I am invincible, I have always been the coper and the problem solver and they still think I am.