Relationship with DILs

I had a dreadful relationship with my MIL. She was a committed catholic,therefore wouldn’t accept me because I was divorced( age 21,....?). Still only 21 when I was introduced to her. My husband and I now married 44 years! She said her religion says I’m only married to first husband and my 6 wonderful children are illegitimate, and ,I will reunite with first husband in heaven.... ?
So, armed with experience, and now have 5 DIL’s!! They are fantastic! I button my lip if I EVER have a different opinion, which we don’t! They all include husband and I in everything. Now have half for Xmas lunch, then swop and have other half for Christmas tea. Go on holiday with them. DIL’s call round with kids on their own sometimes.
I really can say with tons of experience, back off and keep shtum if any argy bargy starts! ( I’ve got 8, soon to be 10, grandchildren!). If they have a differing opinion to me, I say “ well I hadn’t considered that view”, etc etc, it’s worked so far!

my son and his partner have been together for 5 years, i call her my daughter-in-law, she is brilliant and we get on really well, i love her son and there baby just the same, she is the daughter i never had

My Dil is Vietnamese, at the beginning everything was good. We paid for the wedding etc, her family were lovely. She came to stay with us when we were in London. I never had a daughter and was delighted with her. After the baby was born things were ok. They live in Germany and I am in Scotland there was no interference from me. I rented a place in France and we all had xmas together which was lovely. After I signed over my German house to my son everything changed. She threw a tantrum on one visit and it was really nasty. I told her off and I was angry. That ended the relationship. We have not been allowed to visit ever since. My son brings my grandson to visit us in Scotland and we see him on WhatsApp every week. We were a close family once. I get angry sometimes but there is always good advice from gransnetters......say nothing. It's his wife, I don't care about the house because my son would always have inherited it. Sometimes I wish he had married a lovely German girl he was in a relationship with. But all we can do is get on with our own life.

I have 2 DiLs. One I have known since she was 16. She & my son are separated but still very friendly & I love her to pieces.
The other is a very nice kind girl & I am fond of her but I can't say I am as close to her as I am with the other one. I treat them both the same but I do not feel as relaxed with her.
Both families are about 20 min drive from us so we see the 6 DGC a lot ( usually- not for last few months!)
I think I am lucky.

I have three, all very different. I am not as at ease with them as my own daughter, but No 1 lived with us for years so she could work in this country while son lived abroad with 2 GDs. She is lovely and far too good for him. No 2 is very much the organising sort (head teacher!) but has completely shut the family away since March. No 3 was desperately shy, I think she is used to us by now, but I am very careful not to give unasked for advice. They are all part of the family, and I would do anything to help any of them, but a daughter you can relax with more.

I have one DIL. She and my DS have been married 10 years and have four beautiful children. She is a wonderful wife and mother and makes my son very happy. I love her very much and I think she feels the same towards me. My two daughters are both DILs. One get on v well with her MiL and one finds hers a bit overbearing. But nothing terrible.

I have been blessed. I had a fantastic MIL and my DIL is a dream.

My DIL is barely polite to me, though all right with DH.

I have no idea what, if anything, I have done to offend her.

DS hasn't commented either, but last time they were here, (last Christmas) he encouraged her to leave early, but stayed himself.

I have one DIL and as far as I know, we get along fine. As long as my son is happy, and he clearly adores her, then I can ignore the occasional annoyance. I think she has the same approach to me.

I have the best DiL in the world. She is a lovely person who gives 110% to everyone & everything. We get on really well & I love her to bits. My GC are wonderful because their DM is. The best thing is that she loves my DS who totally adores her & she makes him sooo happy. Whats not to love?

some dil are lovely some arent, there are dynamics involved,their upbringing, personality issues. There are
volumes written on it.My dil was lovely when they got married ,but she descended into being downright nasty,
i suspected mental illness, i was right she had a mental breakdown, my intuition was right.There are many reasons for difficult relations, dare i say even our own behaviour!

I have a DIL but she is my daughter's partner so I tend to think of her as another daughter! She is terrific and we all get on fine and are raising their own fabulous daughter. Reading some of the thread, I think we're very lucky.

My DS has a long term partner and two beautiful children. They are due to get married next year - Covid allowing. She is such as lovely girl and the best thing that ever happened to him. He was married previously when he was very young to the most awful girl. I was sad for him the day he told us they were separating but in side I was oh so happy. I would have hated to have had her as the mother of any GC. My DD is gay and her partner is equally lovely and perfect for my DD. So after a few years of wondering if mine would ever settle down now they both appear to be happy and settled so my job is done. I can now stop worrying about them. Oh - of course there are the GC to worry about - it never stops.

I am so sorry about your loss morethan2.
I love my 2 Dil`s to bits,we have a wonderfull relationship and my Dh thinks the world of them even though he isn`t related to either of them.

Son two moping I mean, I can’t see typing with my gladssez steamed up with my mask

I've never had one due to not being invited to the wedding and my sons estrangement from me. I've got a great relationship with my SIL who is the son I should have had and more than makes up for it.

Mine was good with one and poor with the other. The one I had a good relationship with split with Son2 during lockdown, and the one that was poor, Son1’s wife, I’ve since realised was my own fault and we have both worked hard on repairing the relationship. We are chalk and cheese but I’ve come to get used to her reserved character, she’s quiet and calm and she’s smoothed my sons rough edges off and he’s come out to be a much happier young man. Now just hoping Son1 finds someone soon as he emigrated to Canada and now is single and calling every day moping the poor thing.

The social anthropologists have done research on MIL and DIL relationships and it seems that this is the most fraught of all filial relationships in every society on Earth! It appears that we are, to some extent, victims of our biology. Of course, we can (and should try to) overcome it.

So sorry for you. I lost my 2 DGC 3 years ago when the family moved to live in NZ, her home, which she once said she would never return to. If you can, go and visit, FaceTime, do anything to keep in touch. My situation is not good as DIL and I never hit it off, despite me trying, and I never hear from her so subsequently never hear from the wee ones either. It’s a complicated situation as DS currently stuck in Mongolia at work due to COVID. When he did get home pre covid, that’s when he would FaceTime with the wee ones. Am pinning all my hopes on the vaccine and it reaching Mongolia too so DS can get out and hope the NZ regs allow him to travel to and from work again . Then looking to the future they will have their own house and DS will work in NZ too. And then I’ll be on the first plane

I love my SIL and He loves me. He is a fantastic husband to my DD and a wonderful Dad to my DGD. I have a great relationship with him. My DD s MIL loves my daughter although how she treats my SIL drives me mad she isn't kind to him.

My son’s wife was a nightmare - I tried really hard to like her for my son’s sake but she wouldn’t even try to be pleasant. They moved to Scotland and our visits were deeply upsetting, even traumatic, we never felt welcome and my son could not very well intervene. To my great delight he realised what I had known for years, and they have now split up. His new partner
is wholly different, she will ring for a chat independently and their home is visibly happy.

My own father died relatively young at 66. My FIL died at 93. I loved him very much -a really kind man. He treated me like a daughter. My MIL was an alcoholic and difficult but lovely when sober! Over 35 years I got to know them both well and miss them. I am
Lucky in that I get on with my sister in law too and both brothers in law. I am lucky to have her as my own sister is somewhat distant and cold. The nephews and nieces are great too. Sadly I am not relying on anyone to look after me in my old age as am
A realist but am grateful for the support I have.

My first Mil was wonderful. My second wasn't interested in having a relationship. My two Dils are good mothers to my grandchildren but relationship-wise I just wear a plastic smile and keep quiet. They are good husbands and are happy so that makes me happy.

I have a lovely daughter in law. We have a schedule which we see her, our son and grandson .
We chat sparingly on WhatsApp in the family chat
However she loves my son. They are good together . That is the most important thing to me.
Also that I am allowed into their life

Monica, you must have been a lovely DIL and now a lovely MIL.