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Grandson being mean!

(25 Posts)
Blueant Fri 12-Feb-21 11:38:15

Hi all. I’d love some advice from anyone who might have experienced this. I have a 6-year-old GS from my eldest DD and a 3-year-old GS from my middle DD. The 6-year-old used to fire on his little cousin, but recently he has started being really mean to her when he sees her-running away, refusing to engage with her, not letting her play with his stuff. I do a fair bit of childcare, but his behaviour is making me not want to see him. Any advice?

midgey Fri 12-Feb-21 11:40:55

Perhaps he’s jealous?

MissAdventure Fri 12-Feb-21 11:47:09

I would ignore him when he is being like this and just focus on her.
No audience; no show.

Peasblossom Fri 12-Feb-21 11:51:17

Why would a six year old boy want to play with a three year old girl? He’s not the one providing childcare.

Why should she be able to mess up his play by using his things?

I expect he hates coming round when she’s there.

My sympathies are with him.

Smileless2012 Fri 12-Feb-21 11:57:00

Good advice from MissA. Not wanting to play is one thing but running away from her and refusing to engage is being mean. Learning to share is all part of the growing up process and something he needs to learn.

He doesn't have to share everything of course, something else to learn.

Blossoming Fri 12-Feb-21 11:57:18

I agree with MissAdventure. Let him learn his actions have consequences.

Septimia Fri 12-Feb-21 11:57:43

I expect it is the age difference - they'll be so very different developmentally.

Can you have them separately? At least until they're old enough to work round each other. Otherwise maybe you'll have to be super-organised and give them things to do that keep them out of each other's hair.

NotSpaghetti Fri 12-Feb-21 12:23:21

Give him responsibility. Take him into your "confidence". Ask his advice about how to keep her busy so he can do x.

Say "you're so grown up now, what do you think we could get little x to enjoy whilst you do y".... "if you can show her how to do it, then we can all do z"

Be relentlessly positive!
Good luck!

My 6 year old grandson is so much better with responsibility!

Callistemon Fri 12-Feb-21 12:30:08

Not wanting to play is one thing but running away from her and refusing to engage is being mean.
It does seem mean to us but he's six! and she is only three and possibly very annoying and he may think she will break his toys.

He needs a safe space away from her for part of the time, then you could play games or supervise other play involving both of them.
They could both do craft, Play dough etc.
Encourage him to show her how to play nicely with their toys - tell him he's a big boy now and she needs help from him to learn.

keepingquiet Fri 12-Feb-21 12:33:49

He isn't being mean. He is running away because he can't express his feelings in any other way. He's asking for attention but in a negative way. Just ignore it, but give him some positive attention when you get the chance. He doesn't want to play with her?Why should he? She's three years old and he should be with kids his own age. Why is he not in school? Maybe he doesn't have a school place and during lockdown so many kids are missing their friends. Cut him a bit of slack for heaven's sake. I'm sure she has toys of her own, but we learn ownership at an early age. They can't swap- he doesn't want to play with her toys. Maybe encouraging him to share one thing, but she also has to learn boundaries too. Does she have free reign of the house? You probably protect your things from her. It is your choice not have him around. I feel a bit sorry for him- he may be better off not coming to yours if he feels unwelcome. Kids pick up on these things.

Grandmabatty Fri 12-Feb-21 12:52:58

I'm with Keepingquiet here. There is the same age difference between my two and ds most definitely didn't want to play much with his little sister. Keep reinforcing being kind but please don't force him to share his toys with her. It won't end well.

M0nica Fri 12-Feb-21 13:17:11

I agree with Peasblossom.

BlueBelle Fri 12-Feb-21 13:56:03

......and it only gets worse
Some kids just don’t get on even if they are brothers sisters or cousins, just like grown ups

Deedaa Fri 12-Feb-21 14:04:22

Three years is a big difference. When I was six I had to play with the girl next door. She was only a year younger than me but like a different species. She only wanted to play Mummies and Daddies with her dolls. I hated dolls and wanted to play Cowboys and Indians with guns! I don't think I was nasty to her but I probably wasn't very nice.

Hithere Fri 12-Feb-21 14:08:08

I agree with the posters who say he is not mean.

How many adults dont want to share but kids are supposed to be selfless?

Just because they are cousins, they are not supposed to get along.
Different personalities, likes and dislikes, hobbies, etc make all the difference

I would take care of both kids taking into account their own individual needs, even if it means they are doing different activities at the same time.
If you are not able to do so, rethink the arrangement as this is not fair for anybody involved.

Btw, your not want to see him because he doesnt behave as you think he should - not a good sign.
I would get education on milestones for different ages and adjust your expectations.

Blueant Fri 12-Feb-21 14:17:20

Thanks for the insights... some great advice here.

Madgran77 Fri 12-Feb-21 17:46:52

Good suggestions from Notspaghetti

Franbern Sun 14-Feb-21 09:08:38

Of course he is not mean -he is six years old and does not to play with a 3 year old, and as he sounds responsible enought to look after his own toys and things, does not want her to be damaging them.
I do not like the idea of saying to a 6-year old, that he is grown up = he is not - he is a very young child and needs to be allowed to be one.

Not sure what the problem is, parents have always had to deal with age gaps such as three years without talking about one being mean or spoiling any of them. If the lad is happy to play himself some of the time, then let him, and during that time give the younger toddler your time. When she is having a rest, then give the boy your time,
Ensure the younger child understands that she is not permitted to touch any of the older childs toys, games etc.

Sara1954 Sun 14-Feb-21 09:43:20

I also agree with Peasblossom.

grannypiper Sun 14-Feb-21 09:48:20

Please don't tell him he is grown up, he is not. He is a 6 year old that needs to learn it is not all about him. He needs to learn to say hello, then he can go and play. Same goes for your Granddaughter, she needs to learn to say hello and get on with her own thing and shouldn't expect the world to stop what it s doing for her. Don't be one of those adults that insist that the "baby" gets to do what she wants. Get your Granddaughter settled then show some interest in your Grandson. The older children often get pushed out when a new one comes along. Maybe he is just reacting to the imbalance. It should be 50/50.

Buffybee Sun 14-Feb-21 10:07:41

I agree with Peasblossom

Lucca Sun 14-Feb-21 10:14:21

Why does Keeping Quiet ask why the boy is not in school ?? Has she not noticed schools are closed ?

nanna8 Sun 14-Feb-21 10:14:40

He’s only 6 and just doing what 6 year olds do. Why should he want to play with a 3 year old ? Probably by the time he is around 9 she might be more interesting to play with. Give him a break.

JennyNotFromTheBlock Wed 17-Feb-21 09:42:16

He sounds very much as if he's throwing a show for the audience. Just like MissAdventure said, just ignore him.

trisher Wed 17-Feb-21 10:40:36

My 6 year old GS sometimes doesn't want to play with his 8 year old sister. when he gets fed up he removes hmself to his own room.She likes organising him and complains loudly. The point is that as has been said children are just people. He needs some space of his own so does your GS.
Let him sort the toys. Some are his and little cousin is not allowed to play with them unless he gives her permission. Some are shared. Some are hers.
You could set up games to play altogether which might encourage him to share.