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Divorced and alone in retirement. Any others in the same situation?

(12 Posts)
Lauren59 Sat 20-Feb-21 04:05:28

I am 62, divorced ten years and recently retired. My children are all grown and there are no grandchildren yet, so I’m alone much of the time. I am not often lonely but still I wonder what others in my situation do to make retirement enjoyable on their own. Is my quiet life unusual or are there many others in my situation?

keepingquiet Sat 20-Feb-21 09:18:32

My name says it all! Three years ago I left the man I had thought I was spending the rest of my life with. I was lucky that I could keep my part-time job and I am very grateful my employer was so kind to me. I have a small pension but it is barely enough to live on, and I can't get my state pension for another three years.

So I am not quite in your situation but I have friends who are.

I love my quiet life but we have had no choice but to be alone during lock-down.

I thought some of my retired friends would be lonely but they get involved in so many on-line activities they are really very busy zooming and learning new things.

I think your quiet life is the norm and not so unusual.

You retired at a time when everything was shut down. I'm sure as things begin to open up again your life will stay as quiet or become as noisy as you want it to be!

Grandmabatty Sat 20-Feb-21 09:41:34

I've been divorced for twenty years and retired for nearly three. I worked full time and some as a teacher and brought up two children with busy,active lives so I'm enjoying the quiet life! Until covid hit,I met friends most weeks. I took up painting and attended classes twice a week and I look after my grandson twice a week so my life is rich, just not frantic. Now I have a catch up each week via WhatsApp.

Alexa Sat 20-Feb-21 10:33:21

Lauren, perhaps you have got into the habit of associating happiness with the actual presence of other people.

Solitary people, both women and men, and children as well, find their other people in books, television, interactive social groups via the internet, and companion animals.

faringdon59 Sat 20-Feb-21 11:18:08

Hi I have been through lock down alone. Having lived on my own for 14 years since getting divorced. I'm 65 and was still working a couple of shifts a week in the NHS until the pandemic happened.
Have worked remotely some of the time, but actually going back into work next week.
I think living a solitary life suits because I was an only child who lived in a farm cottage in a hamlet of just 4 houses.
The highlight of lock-down ending for me will definitely being able to see my g/children and family again and to hug!
And this Summer I am going to make the effort to socialise a lot more and appreciate it!

Alexa Sat 20-Feb-21 14:40:50

faringdon, to be able to live a solitary life as you can is a positive ability which should be taught in schools and by parents.

Alexa Sat 20-Feb-21 14:41:38

Being solitary all the time is not the same as feeling lonely.

Jimjam1 Sat 20-Feb-21 14:53:20

Have you thought about getting a small dog? When I take my little dog for a walk I chat to so many interesting people. I have formed quite a few friendships. Pre lockdown a group of us started walking our dogs together. Gave me a purpose to get up in the morning.

Lauren59 Sat 20-Feb-21 19:37:39

Thank you for the responses, everyone! I do have pets (cat and a dog) and don’t know what I would do without them! I am quite solitary by nature but I guess the past year has been a little too much!

MaggieTulliver Sun 21-Feb-21 12:35:27

Really relate to this. Lauren I’m 63 and can’t retire for another 2 and a bit years. Also live on my own with a dog and a cat. I’m feeling very lonely in lockdown and wish I had a partner (am divorced for 13 years). Daughter is away at uni. But I know I need to pick myself up and find meaning in things that don’t necessarily involve other people.

Grandmabatty Sun 21-Feb-21 12:55:45

I think you are to be praised Lauren. You have been isolated for a year and you are resilient. You have looked after your pets and realised that you are fine with a quiet life.

Teacheranne Sun 21-Feb-21 13:13:24

I am in a similar position, divorced twenty years ago, three adult children who don’t live near me, one in the US with my two grandchildren. I retired from a busy job as a teacher four years ago when I was 60.

I have spent this last year pretty much on my own apart from occasional visit to my sister - my support bubble. I am involved in the WI and the NWR ( National Women’s Register) and have a few Zoom meetings every week. I managed a few outside meals over the summer with another set of friends from Meet-up groups but they were cut short by the restrictions placed on Greater Manchester.

I really had no choice but to get on with things, very boring at times although I have a few crafty hobbies which I can do and a garden to sit in. My arthritis affects my mobility so outdoor exercise is not possible and housework/gardening is very hard work. I don’t even go out shopping, use weekly click and collect order as I’m scared of catching Covid and being ill on my own!

But I’ve had the jab now, came sooner than I anticipated, and I’m hoping some restrictions will be lifted on Monday so possibly I can get to meet a few people again this summer.