Being a good grandma/nanny

I find my grandies love cooking, especially cakes. Can get a bit messy with a 4 year old but you'll be surprised how much she can do. The 11 year old may or may not want to do it, but if he does all you really need to do is supervise. They get a great sense of achievement making something everyone can share. Board games may work for them, especially memory games.

I tell my darling grandson that he's my favourite grandson. He's caught on now that he's my only grandson but he still likes to be told it. He's asleep now in 'his' bedroom.

I loved my grandmother. I missed her after she died. She didn't do anything but be pleased to see me. She would hug me and have little treats in the cupboard. I make little goodie bags for my grandson. I put cheese and raisins and novelty lollies and chocolate. I always give him lots of cuddles and tell him he's my bestest boy. I hope so much he will remember me as I have bad health. Just taking the time to have play dates that you are doing will help that.

I send my granddaughter any pictures of cute animals I see in the press or on line, for example a lamb being warmed up in a Aga oven, or an orphaned koala bear cuddling his teddy. This keeps up the link without having to feel anxious about whether I’m boring her with questions such as, “What did you get up to today?”

Just a suggestion without knowing ya'll. Ask your grandson questions about his favorite activities, ask questions about his friends, his classes. Perhaps email him an article about whatever he likes to do once in awile. Get a subscription to a sport magazine (whatever). Ask if he'd like to earn some money for something he wants by helping in your garden. Would he like to learn how to make brownies from a mix, go to an outdoor skate park. Maybe you and he could work on s memory book about you and Grandpa? Good luck!

I have my old doll and teddy and DGD, who is just 4 loves giving the doll a bath. She also loves playing with the Christmas nativity stable so I keep it up all year. Playdough is easy to make and hours of fun with a small rolling pin and some fancy cutters. She also enjoys playing with magnetic plastic letters.

My only GM, cared for by my aunt, was very frail and never moved out of her chair when we visited. However, she was happy to keep a toy cupboard for her GC and she enjoyed chatting to us. A special lady, much-loved and remembered, even though she died when I was still a young child. I'm sure most children just want someone to be happy taking time to be with them and listen to them, activities are a welcome bonus. Perhaps you are anxious because of your own losses and not having seen them so much? You sound a lovely Nanny, I would have loved a doll's tea party, thank you so much for the idea - to be put on the list for future activities with my own DGC. So nice to hear everyone else's ideas too, thank you.

Nannymagic17... Your trying too hard, your grandchildren will pick up on that tension. Having a childs tea party sounds like an excellent idea, include some dollies or teddies too. Just be you, children love cuddles and tickles too, ask them what they'd like to do, that way your doing what they enjoy. Good luck, but you won't need it.

Nannymagic, I personally feel that all parenting, including the grand kind, has got too competitive. What the children will remember is someone who is gentle, kind and reliable, and above all someone who loves them and LISTENS. Always, and unjudgementally. That's what they will love you for. For being there through thick and thin and believing in them. On a practical level, does the onus have to be on you? Perhaps you could ask them what they would like to do, instead of having ideas imposed on them. It will likely be something which wears you out / bores you stiff within minutes, but they will adore you for taking them seriously and seeing it through. Ask yourself what you would like from your own grandparents, too, if you had your time again. Anyway, I think the battle is already won, because you sound lovely.

I see you've had great responses but I have to chime in because you sound so much like me :-)
First let me say you sound like an awesome grandma. I recently asked for help on this forum to deal with grief over my grandchildren's upcoming move across the country ( I live in USA )
I too have had much loss as a child and wasn't mothered. I've come to find through lots of therapy that this leaves us with abandonment issues which have escalated for me.I worry about losing my place as grandma
I think this may be what you worry about. That some how the grandkids won't love you.
I think your grandkids love you a bunch!
You sound like a hard grandma not to love :-) Just keep being you!

I don’t remember either of my grandmothers doing much with me as a child. My country wise grandfather spent wonderful time with me teaching me country skills.
One of the most fascinating times I have spent with my granddaughter aged 9 and grandson aged 6 was actually spent in a small old fashioned graveyard! We spent hours looking at all aspects of life in “the olden days” names and how they change in fashion. Diseases that no one gets any more. We used maths to work out how old people were when they died. We hunted the oldest and youngest occupant and why women died young and young men at war. The educational aspect to this outing was great and they were both fascinated.
So for me it’s about finding something that interests everyone. I think that these are the memories that will endure.

I’ve a lot of grandchildren and the best thing you can give them is your time (when possible) but your undivided attention, is the most important. My proudest moment is when one of my granddaughters told me that she had to do a school project about who or what inspired her. She made me the subject of her inspiration. Gave lots of examples of things we have made together and her comments about advice and help I’d given her over the years. I only ever really filled in when her other grandparents were on holiday. She seen them virtually everyday yet I was the one that inspired her. Biggest compliment and proudest moment I’ve ever had from anyone

You sound so kind and nice——-I remember reading about a Welly throwing contest that could be fun.I periodically send my GC postcards as all kids love getting mail.I played dominoes with my Gran but my GC prefer to stand them on end in lines and then push them over——all children love dressing up,washing up the tea set with lots of bubbles,can you paint her nails,just have fun enjoy every minute.

Could you invite her teddies and have a teddy bears picnic or to a simple treasure hunt x Don’t he so hard on yourself , you sound lovely snd you know what they say ? If you have love, you have everything and All you need is love ❤️ l

4allweknow my granddaughter and my minded children all love gardening and we have planted Alpine strawberries in a big pot. They especially like this as they are allowed to pick the red ones by themselves ?

I have started writing to a little grand-nephew of four who is bored in lockdown.

I tell him about some of all the changes that I have seen since I was his age, with pictures found on the Internet for him to look at while his mummy reads the text.

An example: when I was four milk was delivered by the milkman who had a horse-drawn cart. The horse was called Dobbin. Another thing I am sure he found har d to understand is that I was nine before the first supermarket was opened in a town some miles away from us. So I told him about shopping at the grocer's and what we bought there, then going to the green-gtocer and so on.

Perhaps you could do something similar

So many fantastic ideas here ?
If you want to expand your horizons, and as you can no longer drive, I'd say look into your local bus and train options, especially when the weather gets a bit warmer.
For children who normally travel by car this can be a really exciting day out, and you don't need to go far. Maybe to the next town for a café lunch, or a picnic in a park, then home again. Your undivided attention and the feeling of it being a special treat will be more than enough ?

You sound a lovely, thoughtful grandma. The tea party idea is great. Your granddaughter is the same age as one of mine was when I started baking with her. She's eleven and we still bake regularly together. Flapjacks are good. She loves them - easy to do, sweet, though they've got porridge oats in, so slightly healthy. While they're cooking you can do some drawing or cutting and sticking. For your grandson post a letter or a card with a picture he might like, an animal for example. I've written to a grandson and he was delighted to get something addressed to him and wouldn't let his mum read it! Post some money it needn't be much, or a few mini Easter eggs or a Lego figure (if it's his thing) now and then. Good luck.

You've thought of a dolly teaparty m, that's wonderful. Simple things like blowing and chasing bubbles, potting up a couple of bedding plants for her to check on when she visits, or if you have space, creating a little garden patch adding a few of the lovely garden stick windmills, toadstools etc available in garden centres. Of course a 4 year old usually enjoys baking. Loads of games eg magnetic fishing can be found in charity shops (once they open again). That you are trying to find activities would indicate you are already a kind and interested nanny. Enjoy!

nannymagic not read the whole thread but you sound like a lovely nanny.
I’m not imaginative either when it comes to arty crafty things & sometimes feel quite inadequate when I see things on Facebook that other grandparents have produced!
Just do what you can & don’t worry about what you can’t. Let your GC guide you - much depends on their personalities & their ages.
My GC (except for one who is only 1) don’t live near me so I don’t see them often.
But things we do that they seem to enjoy - baking together, doing Lego, reading books, playing board games, going swimming, playing tennis, going for picnics, sometimes having a bonfire in the garden. I’ve taught two GD’s and one GS to knit!
You will be as special to your GCs as they are to you.

I think you sound like a lovely grandma. My 4 yo GD likes birthday parties for her dolls. I buy cake mixes with Peppa Pig or fairy decorations, plus the round biscuits with pastel colour icing, jelly, usually red and vanilla ice cream with sprinkle options. We dress the dolls and arrange a table or indoor picnic. We also spend time making cards and wrapping presents. The fairy cakes are quick and easy to make and quite small, so not too much sugar. The washing up can be messy when she helps. What ever you do, they will have fond memories of you.

I remember my paternal Grandma teaching me how to make pancakes and taking me and my cousins on trips to the local shopping centre, all the while holding hands and singing silly songs! When she would visit us at home, she would always take me on the bus to go to our local beach and we'd get ice-cream. I loved looking at her collection of coloured and differently shaped glass bottles too .. I was lucky enough to get one after she died.

I remember my maternal Granny would take me on walks to the local field with their dog and I would love meeting all her friends who had the cutest dogs I could fuss over. She used to have this tin filled with random and interesting buttons that I like looking through, she made me a few sock puppets using some of them and we would spend ages drawing and colouring. My Grandad also used to take me on big walks up the hill opposite their house.

I miss having grandparents ?

Just play with them, at hairdressers, shopkeeping, dominoes, draughts, sing and dance, read, play at school. Bake buns, talk about it, let them water the garden, help with the washing, set the table. Play guessing games, I Spy, draw and colour, when you watch a film, discuss it. The list is endless, tea parties are great especially if they can do the pouring with cold drinks.

I have a bag of 30 small furry toys mostly from charity shops. They love it when I hide them around the house or garden for them to find. Low down for the little ones. Higher and trickier to find for the older ones. Over the years its been superheroes or dinosaurs I've hidden. If its their toys yiu MUST remember where you hid them. Finding a T.rex in the greenery was a bit hard!!

Oh Fernhillnana what are your memories of your grandmothers?
My gran I stayed with taught me to knit, the one I used to visit with my dad taught me to use a sewing machine (both activities obviously of no use to OP!)